struggling over Yom Tov

[cellio]

Today is the seventh day of Pesach. The Torah states quite clearly that this is a festival day (like the first). Yet here I am at work, just like last year and the year before and...

I don't know why I have so much trouble with this one. (And, correspondingly, the last day of Sukkot.) There is natural resistance -- it's another vacation day, and clumps of holidays disrupt work schedules already, and there's no real ritual associated with it (unlike the seder), and -- locally, at least -- there's basically no community encouragement for it outside the Orthodox subset. (Yes, everyone has holiday services, but the presumption that of course you're observing the holiday is absent.)

But the Torah tells us it is a festival and to "do no work", just like the others, and that ought to be sufficient. And every year I feel a little more guilty and become a little more aware that I am sinning.

Maybe next year I will finally overcome this. (Once I start, I will feel bound to do it every time -- no "just when it's convenient" observances here.)

Comments

i had no idea i would write so much! :-)

[jeannegrrl.livejournal.com]

I understand how you feel on this one. I'm sitting at work today as well. I have a website going live on Friday and I opted to take the first two days of Pesach off instead of the first and the last. The only thing that really digs a bit is missing Yizkor (which is on day 8 and even though I'm in the camp of folks who think day 8 is no longer really Pesach, I would still like to be at services tomorrow).

I think you hit on something about the end of Pesach not being as 'real' since there's no ritual associated with it. Doesn't change the commandment of course, but it helps figure out where the behavior is coming from. Maybe we should start a tradition of having another (much smaller) festive meal to mark the end of the holiday - although I'm already so sick of Matzo, it's hard to imagine cooking even more with it!

In any case, try not to be too hard on yourself - the important thing is that you're moving forward, not sliding back. When I began my path towards observance, I found it very important to take things in stages because like you, once I take on a mitzvah, I don't want to turn back, but I also don't want to take more than I can/will do at a time. That's why it's taken me 5 years to have a Kosher kitchen. I wasn't ready for it when I started so I did stages, gave up pork, later gave up shellfish, later gave up mixing cattle and dairy (don't get me started on the chicken/dairy argument! ), later only purchased Kosher meat (that one was tough for me - I hate paying over 3x more for something than I used to pay), and finally this year, buying all new stuff and making the kitchen official. I'll still eat Kosher-style out of the house (e.g. I'll eat non-kosher meat, but I won't mix it w/ dairy, and I won't eat inherently non-kosher animals at all), but eventually, I'll probably just go fish/veggie when I eat out. I'm not there yet, but I'll get there.

How did I get here? Oh yea, we were talking about Pesach. I am really the Queen of taking a tangent and running with it.... Anyway, what I was trying to say, is you'll take on the observance when you're ready. It sounds like you're pretty close anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if next year there's no entry for Pesach day 7 in your live journal. :-) But even if there is, the struggle you're going through is important as well and there are good things that come out of the process....

Re: i had no idea i would write so much! :-)

[jeannegrrl.livejournal.com]

Maybe we should start a tradition of having another (much smaller) festive meal to mark the end of the holiday

OK, so it might seem silly to reply to my own post, but when I saw this article, I had to pass it along:
http://www.jsonline.com/entree/cooking/apr02/31927.asp

Re: i had no idea i would write so much! :-)

[cellio]

Neat! We may have to try that next year. :-)

Yizkor

[cellio]

[Translation for everyone else: Yizkor is a memorial prayer, said both communally and privately for the dead (privately for your relatives, communally for everyone else). It is said four times a year in connection with holidays.]

Locally, the congregations that observe a 7-day Pesach do Yizkor on the seventh day. That means turnout was really low yesterday morning at Tree of Life (Conservative), because many of the members of that minyan grew up with 8th-day Yizkor and went elsewhere for it -- even though Tree of Life had done it the previous day and they had the option to attend that. (I don't know if they did Yizkor twice, or went elsewhere both days so they could get it once and on the 8th day.)

I actually don't like attending Yizkor services. My parents (thank God) are alive, and none of my grandparents were Jewish. I'm not there for any personal connection. And I'm aware of the taboo against attending if your parents are alive. (Don't believe in it, but it's another contributor of minor weirdness.) So while I feel bad about working that day, I don't feel bad about missing Yizkor.

Re: Yizkor

[goljerp]

the taboo against attending if your parents are alive

My parents have told me that they don't mind if I go while they're alive, but basically have said that since I don't have to do Yiskor, they are fine with me leaving. And in this case, I agree.

Some people have gotten very offended at my leaving during Yiskor - "Six million died in the Shoah, and you're leaving during Yiskor?" - but I think that's really confusing the issue. Yom Hashoah is its own holiday, and I try to respect the memory of those who died in the shoah in other ways.

Re: i had no idea i would write so much! :-)

[cellio]

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I guess in a way it's a good sign that I feel bad about this; it means I'm still climbing the ladder rather than descending. As you said, the struggle is important too, not just the outcome.

Sounds like the truly festive meal is at the end of the last day -- havdalah and bread. :-)

My kashrut path is similar to yours. I started by eliminating non-kosher species, then meat/milk mixtures. I spent a brief period trying to go either way in restaurants (i.e. I would eat meat if I was convinced there wouldn't be butter in the other dishes), but I gave that up pretty quickly as infeasible. Around the same time I separated the dishes at home (I already had multiple sets, none complete -- leftovers of a student lifestyle). Somewhere in there I said that I wouldn't buy non-kosher meat any more -- and eating in a restaurant is an extension of "buying" -- but I'll eat it in friends' and relatives' homes as long as it's a kosher species not mixed with milk. (If they offer me a vegetarian/dairy option, though, I take it.) Eventually I attacked the kitchen beyond just separating the dishes. And so it goes.