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*gulp*
Our congregation currently has three shiva minyanim [1] going. We have two rabbis. I just got a phone call.
<deep breath> I can do this; really I can.
I sure hope I don't screw it up.
[1] When someone dies, the family (traditionally) "sits shiva" for a week. This is a formal mourning period. Services are held during this time, but the community comes to the mourners, not the other way around. So tonight I'm going to someone's house and leading services for a mourning family (no one I know) and their friends. This is a much more intimate setting than usual services, and the family is already not in the usual emotional state... and the funeral was this morning, so this will be the first shiva service.
When I said a while back that there were certain parts of the rabbi's job that I wasn't sure I could do, this was one of them. I'm just fine with the intellectual part and the "performance" part (for lack of a better word) and of course the spiritual part; I live in fear of the "touchy-feely" part (I do not mean that term disrespectfully).
I can lead the service just fine -- but I have an irrational fear that I will do something stupid that upsets someone in the family. It's irrational, of course; so long as I don't, say, forget the name of the deceased, I'm sure I'll be fine. (And I have the name written down on a post-it note in my pocket.) But that doesn't mean I can just banish the fear.
But I'll never overcome it if I don't at least try, so I said yes. And I am deeply flattered that my rabbi entrusts this to me.
<deep breath> I can do this; really I can.
I sure hope I don't screw it up.
[1] When someone dies, the family (traditionally) "sits shiva" for a week. This is a formal mourning period. Services are held during this time, but the community comes to the mourners, not the other way around. So tonight I'm going to someone's house and leading services for a mourning family (no one I know) and their friends. This is a much more intimate setting than usual services, and the family is already not in the usual emotional state... and the funeral was this morning, so this will be the first shiva service.
When I said a while back that there were certain parts of the rabbi's job that I wasn't sure I could do, this was one of them. I'm just fine with the intellectual part and the "performance" part (for lack of a better word) and of course the spiritual part; I live in fear of the "touchy-feely" part (I do not mean that term disrespectfully).
I can lead the service just fine -- but I have an irrational fear that I will do something stupid that upsets someone in the family. It's irrational, of course; so long as I don't, say, forget the name of the deceased, I'm sure I'll be fine. (And I have the name written down on a post-it note in my pocket.) But that doesn't mean I can just banish the fear.
But I'll never overcome it if I don't at least try, so I said yes. And I am deeply flattered that my rabbi entrusts this to me.
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I will be thinking of you, and of the family. May you help bring them comfort. :)
A.
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Jonathan has led shiva minyanim in our home, when I was sitting for my father, and I don't think he found it harder than leading in synagogue. The other people there will be focused on the mourners, as they should be, and grateful that someone competent is leading.
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And, it is true that most of the mourners will be focused on each other or their own feelings, and just glad someone is there to lead services for them.
And, I belive that God helps us when we are trying to do something like this. And sometimes the spirit of God moves through us to help someone who needs it. I feel this has happened with me, at least.
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You don't have to be touchy-feely for the family; you're going to be there, as a concerned member of the community, and one who has prayer-leading skills. Just being there is a big thing; leading is a great thing to do.
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