it's all in how you say it

[cellio]

A fellow congregant called and asked me to be on the steering committee (read: board) of the sisterhood.

What I thought: Having a sisterhood (and brotherhood) is anathema to an egalitarian congregation. If we say that men and women don't have assigned roles, why on earth would I want to help perpetrate an organization that tries to go backwards by (re-)assigning those roles? It's not like our sisterhood and brotherhood are trying to move past conventional gender roles -- the women handle babysitting during services and serve cookies and coffee afterwards, and the men hold barbeques and talks by investment bankers. Feh! I want none of it! And not just because babysitting and serving coffee aren't my thing! There's a higher principle here. How can I help you see this?

What I said: I'm flattered, but no.

Comments

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've ever been a member of a synagogue with a "Men's Club" or a "Sisterhood" (that's all both of the synagogues I've been a member of, which is not a statistical sample.) Although, Jacqueline Lichtenberg *did* joke about having one during Shabbat morning services at Chicon in 1991 ("I have a message from the Sisterhood.")

In my old synagogue, the kitchen in both the old and the new building was on the men's side, so there was an informal all-male "kiddush club" who set got things ready and ferried things out. This included the rabbi, who made a nice cholent. However, the synagogue itself was basically run for years by the "Special Events Committee", which is largely female and headed by the rebbitzen. The board itself is mixed, and is now taking a more active role in things, which is good.

In my current one, there is a board and there is a "Chesed Committee". The board is mixed, with rules about which gender fills what roles (president *must* be male, vice president *must* be female. This, oddly enough, was not a factor in our old, Lubavitcher run shul, where we even asked a woman to be president. Wisely, she declined. Shul president is a hard and thankless job.) Anyway, the board is mixed.

This is unusual where I live in that most synagogues, as near as I can figure, don't *have* boards. They're owned by their rabbis, called by their rabbi's names. ("Where are you daavening tonight?" "I'm daavening by Goldwasser's. You?" "I thought I'd go to Rosenblatt's.") And these rabbis are fairly autocratic.

The chesed (kindness) committee, which notifies members of shivas and births and provides meals and hospital visits, does seem to do the job of the Sisterhood. It is, in fact, largely female - I'm on it, as my husband is on the board - but there are a couple of male members as well.

It does seem odd that an Orthodox synagogue, which is determinedly non-egalitarian in its services, is more so behind the scenes.

[magid.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad to read this. I've been to shuls where the kiddush club was all-male, but haven't heard of other places where everything was so mixed.

In my shul (well, some wouldn't call it a shul; I go (not enough) to services at the orthodox minyan of the local Hillel) there's a mixed group who organizes kiddush (a self-selecting group), and anyone can be on the chessed committee or on the board of the minyan (depending on which positions are open: we have slots designated for people like the ritual committee chair, the tzedakah committee chair, the gabbaim, and all, but also have undergraduate, graduate, faculty, alum, and community (everyone else) representatives, too.).
(

[cellio]

Thanks for the additional data points! It surprises me that Orthodox congregations, which support traditional gender roles, would be that mixed in some ways in practice.

I've never been a member of an Orthodox congregation, so my impressions there come from friends and from the dozen or so I've visited. Somehow I had the impression that almost everyone had a sisterhood and a brotherhood, but now I can't support that impression with facts. I have seen a fair bit of gender-differentiation outside of services, but don't know now if those congregations have formal sisterhoods/brotherhoods.

(The kicker, for me, was the gender-segregated kiddush. I wasn't allowed to go into the one room with the only other person I knew there (male), and he wasn't allowed to go into my assigned room. But this wasn't a unique experience; that same shabbat we went to a different shul for mincha and seudah shleishit, and that meal was segregated too. It was a single divided room, though, so I could hear the speaker.)

My congregation has a mixed board and no gender restrictions on officers/committee chairs. Our "caring committee" (like your chessed committee) is mixed, as are all of the other committees (worship, adult ed, school, finance, ...). Near as I can tell, outside of worship the sisterhood and brotherhood are the only gender-influenced activities/positions we have.

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

(The kicker, for me, was the gender-segregated kiddush. I wasn't allowed to go into the one room with the only other person I knew there (male), and he wasn't allowed to go into my assigned room. But this wasn't a unique experience; that same shabbat we went to a different shul for mincha and seudah shleishit, and that meal was segregated too. It was a single divided room, though, so I could hear the speaker.)


That's more common than you would think. I go to Modern Orthodox synagogues, where those things most emphatically would not fly, but in more right-wing places, separate seating/standing at kiddush is normal. Separate seating at seudat shlishit, too, if women actually attended, which would probably only occur if there were a speaker or some other event.

[goljerp]

This is unusual where I live in that most synagogues, as near as I can figure, don't *have* boards. They're owned by their rabbis, called by their rabbi's names.

This is not very common (in my experience) among Reform, Conservative, or Reconstructionist Shuls. Are these Modern Orthodox places, Chasidic, or other?

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

"Other". I live in Flatbush. There's a synagogue of some sort on pretty much every block around here, ranging from tiny Chasidishe shteiblach to large, imposing yeshivas and beautiful, wealthy Sephardi synagogues. All are Orthodox, and pretty much all are further to the right than I am - there are maybe four or five Modern Orthodox congregations in this area.

Modern Orthodox synagogues are pretty much organized the way the liberal branches are - a board of trustees and a paid rabbi. And, I suspect the larger "Black hat" synagogues, the ones with very large memberships, are also organized in that way. It's just that there are far more smaller ones, and those tend to be owned by the rabbis themeselves - often the shul is part of their own homes. In other areas of Brooklyn, these shteiblach would be run by Chasidim, but Flatbush is a center of "yeshivishe" types - very Orthodox, with a uniform of black suits and black hats for the men and wigs for the women, but who are not Chasidic, and so that's who own our shuls.

Although, there are also any number of Chasidishe places. My husband takes a weekly class on "milk and meat" at a little Chasidishe shteible less than a block from us, and that's where he goes when he wants to daaven with minyan during the week. Our own shul only has Shabbat and Sunday services.