it's all in how you say it

[cellio]

A fellow congregant called and asked me to be on the steering committee (read: board) of the sisterhood.

What I thought: Having a sisterhood (and brotherhood) is anathema to an egalitarian congregation. If we say that men and women don't have assigned roles, why on earth would I want to help perpetrate an organization that tries to go backwards by (re-)assigning those roles? It's not like our sisterhood and brotherhood are trying to move past conventional gender roles -- the women handle babysitting during services and serve cookies and coffee afterwards, and the men hold barbeques and talks by investment bankers. Feh! I want none of it! And not just because babysitting and serving coffee aren't my thing! There's a higher principle here. How can I help you see this?

What I said: I'm flattered, but no.

Comments

[cellio]

Thanks for the additional data points! It surprises me that Orthodox congregations, which support traditional gender roles, would be that mixed in some ways in practice.

I've never been a member of an Orthodox congregation, so my impressions there come from friends and from the dozen or so I've visited. Somehow I had the impression that almost everyone had a sisterhood and a brotherhood, but now I can't support that impression with facts. I have seen a fair bit of gender-differentiation outside of services, but don't know now if those congregations have formal sisterhoods/brotherhoods.

(The kicker, for me, was the gender-segregated kiddush. I wasn't allowed to go into the one room with the only other person I knew there (male), and he wasn't allowed to go into my assigned room. But this wasn't a unique experience; that same shabbat we went to a different shul for mincha and seudah shleishit, and that meal was segregated too. It was a single divided room, though, so I could hear the speaker.)

My congregation has a mixed board and no gender restrictions on officers/committee chairs. Our "caring committee" (like your chessed committee) is mixed, as are all of the other committees (worship, adult ed, school, finance, ...). Near as I can tell, outside of worship the sisterhood and brotherhood are the only gender-influenced activities/positions we have.

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

(The kicker, for me, was the gender-segregated kiddush. I wasn't allowed to go into the one room with the only other person I knew there (male), and he wasn't allowed to go into my assigned room. But this wasn't a unique experience; that same shabbat we went to a different shul for mincha and seudah shleishit, and that meal was segregated too. It was a single divided room, though, so I could hear the speaker.)


That's more common than you would think. I go to Modern Orthodox synagogues, where those things most emphatically would not fly, but in more right-wing places, separate seating/standing at kiddush is normal. Separate seating at seudat shlishit, too, if women actually attended, which would probably only occur if there were a speaker or some other event.