it's all in how you say it
Feb. 25th, 2003 10:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cellioA fellow congregant called and asked me to be on the steering committee (read: board) of the sisterhood.
What I thought: Having a sisterhood (and brotherhood) is anathema to an egalitarian congregation. If we say that men and women don't have assigned roles, why on earth would I want to help perpetrate an organization that tries to go backwards by (re-)assigning those roles? It's not like our sisterhood and brotherhood are trying to move past conventional gender roles -- the women handle babysitting during services and serve cookies and coffee afterwards, and the men hold barbeques and talks by investment bankers. Feh! I want none of it! And not just because babysitting and serving coffee aren't my thing! There's a higher principle here. How can I help you see this?
What I said: I'm flattered, but no.
What I thought: Having a sisterhood (and brotherhood) is anathema to an egalitarian congregation. If we say that men and women don't have assigned roles, why on earth would I want to help perpetrate an organization that tries to go backwards by (re-)assigning those roles? It's not like our sisterhood and brotherhood are trying to move past conventional gender roles -- the women handle babysitting during services and serve cookies and coffee afterwards, and the men hold barbeques and talks by investment bankers. Feh! I want none of it! And not just because babysitting and serving coffee aren't my thing! There's a higher principle here. How can I help you see this?
What I said: I'm flattered, but no.
Re: or... you could work to change it...
Date: 2003-02-28 09:40 am (UTC)What was the state of the men's club when they asked you to lead it? Did your changes represent nudges in a different direction, wholesale change, invention out of whole cloth (e.g. the group was inactive), or what?
Oh, and I don't have a problem with men-only or women-only gatherings -- it's only when jobs, opportunities, or scut work become exclusively owned by one of those groups that I have a problem. And this problem is in the context of an egalitarian congregation; I would never walk into a non-egal place and try to cross gender lines, for instance.
(By the way, if you need an LJ code, let me know. I've got plenty.)
Re: or... you could work to change it...
Although my changes bucked tradition, they didn't smack up against anything or anyONE that stopped me from implementing them. No charter or by-laws for example that told me what rules I needed to follow.
The only static I'm getting are from people who prefer "phone tree" vs. email for getting information. I told those types that I didn't have the resources to implement a phone tree. This one person replied by saying, "... well then I guess I now know who you want in your group and who you want to leave out." Oh well... I can't net everyone.
But back to the subject at hand. The synagogue had come to expect about $1000 in income from the Men's Club each year. Plus they expected us to buy Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts. Each year since I've taken over, the office calls to ask me whether we're in a position to buy the gifts. One thing I told the board when I took over (and asked for $500 in a seed grant) was that until we had a steady membership and could be self-sustaining I would not commit to paying for anything that wasn't directly funding Men's Club events. They were OK with that.
In fairness, many of the board members and its leaders are business owners and management types. They know what it's like to run a business. Furthermore, the current and recent Presidents have been in their 40's and 50's and are a bit more "hip" than their 70 and 80 y.o. elders.
There's a national "federation" of Men's Clubs. When i first took over, two of the local muckety-mucks came to talk to me about the advantages of being part of their association. But I wasn't impressed with them. I found too few of their programs to be unique to Men, and I found their "value proposition" to be far too mired in 1950's thinking.
So the bottom line is that I am able to exploit the convergence of several factors in my favor.
My hope is to bring the Men's Club down for a soft landing and pay out our bank account to other programs. One such program is the "Israel Affairs" program which I started with another member last year in the wake of 9-11-01 and the terrorist events in Israel. We dedicated most of 5762's programming to terrorism, hasbara, and related discussion of current events. It was officially part of the Men's Club for the first year and is now on its own.
One thing I'd like to point out before I close is that I don't take well to the "that's the way we've always done it" excuse. Such cop-outs are a rocket sled into the cement wall of failure. If I'm part of any group, they'd better accept that I'm going to stir things up or they'd better not have me on the committee. And for the most part, they already know that about me which is why they asked me to be there anyway.
Thanks for the LJ code offer. I'm not yet into Blogging and if I were, I'm not sure I'd use LJ to do it. I'd probably make it part of my professional self than my personal self. You're generous to offer, and hope I can take you up on it should I change my mind.