the obligation to reproduce?

[cellio]

During Torah study we've been discussing the part of Leviticus that covers permitted and forbidden sexual relationships. Twice in the last three weeks someone has asserted that the purpose of sex is procreation. (I disputed it the first time; I didn't do so again this morning.) Then, this afternoon, I read an article in Reform Judaism, from the chairman of the national board, about how our population numbers are dropping and it's because we aren't giving priority to having kids and that's a critical mitzvah because we'll die out otherwise and blah blah blah. (Part of "blah blah blah" was that people are too concerned with their careers and not concerned enough with marrying early and reproducing.)

Nonsense, I say.

First off, there is at least one other halachic reason for sexual intercourse: pleasure. Men are specifically obligated to provide this pleasure for their wives, in fact. The talmud even specifies frequency requirements! The idea that sex is only for procreation is not a traditional Jewish notion.

If procreation were the only motivating factor, then alongside the familial restrictions (don't lie with your inlaws) and the ever-challenging Lev 18:22, we would see something about not lying with people who are infertile. But we don't, because that is not forbidden. (For that matter, the Torah itself doesn't say anything against masturbation, though I don't know about later sources.)

Some people can't have kids, and for some people it would be a really bad idea to have kids, but we don't chase those people off. [1] We do, however, alienate them every time we say things like "sex is for procreation, and why aren't you doing your part to replenish the Jewish people?". I am especially offended to hear that argument from leaders in the Reform movement -- leaders who are not simultaneously saying things like "Shabbat is central to Judaism and why aren't you observing it?". The sages aren't even in complete agreement on whether "p'ru ur'vu" (be fruitful and multiply) is a commandment; some say it's a blessing instead.

Further, appeals based on achieving replacement levels for population (the number that gets kicked around is 2.1 kids per couple) are misguided on their own. What good does it do to produce more kids, if we aren't also doing something to keep them Jewish? More than half the US marriages involving Jews are intermarriages; those Jews are very unlikely to have Jewish grandkids. And even within Jewish marriages, how many kids continue their education past bar/bat mitzvah? How many kids end up as committed Jewish adults? The problem here isn't production; it's retention. And if we can't solve the retention problem first, then increasing production won't solve a thing. In fact, it'll make things worse, by providing more non-religious nominally-Jewish models for kids who might be waffling on whether to stick with it.

Yes, paying attention to demographic studies is important -- but it is also important not to attribute the wrong reasons to the results. I would much rather have a smaller number of more committed members of the community; nominal body count really doesn't matter much if they're Jews only in DNA.

Growth will come from increasing education and commitment, and from converts. We need not, and should not, pressure people into having more children than they otherwise would have. That is a loss, not a gain, for the community.

I'll probably try to distill this down into a letter to the editor of Reform Judaism, so comments would be very welcome.

[1] Yes, I am aware that the talmud teaches (somewhere; don't have the cite) that a man may divorce his wife if they fail to produce a child after ten years of trying.

Comments

[goljerp]

I said:But a Jewish marriage ceremony is a religious ceremony joining two Jews in marriage.
and you replied:
I disagree with this statement.

You made several very good arguments, and I think I agree with them all, although I think I still believe what I said in the first place. (What, me worry about paradox?)

Really? Judges, reform rabbis and other officials cannot officiate at marriages in Israel? I didn't know that. What are the numbers of Israeli Jews that marry outside Israel? Where do they go?

Yup. Only religious marriages, performed by Orthodox Rabbis, are recognized by the state. I don't believe Reform and Conservative Rabbis are even officially recognized as being Rabbis. That's what happens when you don't have separation of church and state, and when the secular majority cedes religous power to the Orthodox... and of course now they have power, they're not letting go.

Numbers of Israeli Jews that marry outside Israel: I don't have any hard numbers, but I think it's more than just a few people. They used to go to Cyprus; it sort of became a kind of honeymoon/wedding combo. I'm not sure if that's still the case. (You see, they're exploiting the loophole that Israel recognizes marriages performed in other countries.)

I heard a talk last year by a Conservative Rabbi who lives in Israel, about the state of Conservative (and Reform) Judiasm in Israel. It's kind of ironic; although the Supreme Court of Israel has issued several rulings which theoretically would give power to the liberal movements, these have been blocked in practice by the Orthodox power structure. On the other hand, secular Israelis are enrolling their children in Conservative and Reform schools, and there has been progress in letting Conservative Rabbis perform conversions. And, as I said, many secular Israelis are getting married outside the country... so there's some hope...

The thing is, due to Israeli politics, the Religious parties are pretty strong. For a long time, they were small, but crucial in forming coalitions; recently the religious party Shas has grown so that it is the third largest party. (They're still only something like 17/120 seats, but those are critical seats considering Labor and Likud have been getting around 30-50 seats each recently.)

Also, most Israelis consider themselves "Secular". In practice, they might be more observant than the average Conservative jew, but they don't think of themselves as being religous. (I knew a guy when I was in Israel who was "secular". In talking, it was clear that he was familiar with the bible. He mentioned at one point that his apartment is kosher (so his mom can eat there), and he goes to a little shul near his place almost every Saturday. But he's adamantly Secular!) Then there's the Orthodox. There are some Orthodox Jews who are the equivalent of "modern orthodox" in the U.S. - I have cousins there who fit into this category. They all serve in the Army (or do national service), and have jobs. But most Orthodox are of the "ultra orthodox" variety. And, oh yeah, there are small numbers of Reform and Conservative Jews. Most Israelis think of these as mainly imported movements, and lump them together as "reformim". (As a Conservative Jew I find this a bit annoying... I mean, there are significant philosophical and practical differences between Reform and Conservative, even in Israel where the Reform movement is more "right wing" than in the U.S.)

This is more than I should've written, but... well...