last few days

[cellio]

Wednesday night I went to a seder hosted by friends from my congregation. Dani was too sick to go. I think I woke him up when I asked him to drive me over there; oops. (It was before sundown and I had food to contribute.) It was very pleasant, and it included several other people from my congregation who didn't have anywhere else to go, so I wasn't the odd person out at the family gathering. (The only family were the couple, her father, and their younger son, who is in college. The older son lives in California.) I picked up an interesting idea there. One of the hosts commented that parsley isn't very filling and she wanted to use something more filling for the green vegetable, so people wouldn't rush through the haggadah to get to dinner. She settled on broccoli, and it was a hit. If I ever get to lead another seder I will do that. I know that some people use potatoes, but there's already so much starch in the meal that I really like having something green.

They used a haggadah edited by Ellie Wiesel. It looked like a book that would be interesting to peruse with more time; maybe at some point I'll borrow a copy. A couple people got tripped up on the fact that it's not gender-neutral (or, as they like to say, "gender-sensitive"); that doesn't bother me. I can use a masculine pronoun for God or talk about our forefathers without blinking.

We were doing the "go around the table" style of reading the haggadah, and when it got to me on one pass we were at a Habrew section that Aya wanted us to read (rather than just doing the translation). The print was a little small, with the irritating problem that I sometimes mistook dalets for reishes, gimels for nuns, and that sort of thing. People were understanding. Other than that I read well if slowly, and Aya's father, who was sitting next to me, helped me out when I stumbled. If I had glanced at the translation before starting I would have avoided some of the stumbling just by knowing what words to expect; I'll try to remember that next time.

Aya made her own gefilte fish. It was very good. It had an interesting twist: each piece was wrapped in a cabbage leaf, like for cabbage rolls. I'll have to ask her if that was a post-processing step or if she boiled the fish that way, wrapped in cabbage. (For Karen: it was the sweet fish.)

Because of the congregational critical mass, during dinner a discussion broke out about some recent angst among part of the congregation. I felt we were being rude and tried to redirect the conversation with only limited success. Oh well; I hope the family and non-congregational friends were able to ignore that side trip. It's no fun to hear about other people's gossip when you don't know anyone involved. :-)

An older couple left fairly soon after dinner (around 10:00), which set in motion a chain of departures. (There was one younger person there who had to go to school the next day, so he and his father left then too.) When people were done following suit, it was just the family and me. Aya had been saying all evening that she really wanted to sing after dinner, and I also enjoy this, so I told them, basically, I'll stay as late as you like and finish the haggadah and sing, but you should feel free to say "Monica, go home already!" if I miss subtle hints. That worked out very well, and it didn't actually run all that much later. (I left around 11:30, I think.)

Then Thursday it was off to Toronto. Fortunately, Dani was feeling much better. Crossing the border was innocuous in both directions, though the US guard looked at us funny when we said we were married. You would think that no one would be surprised by last names that don't match these days. (This was also the first time I had to show photo ID. Dani always has to show his green card, but they've never challenged me before.)

We got to Debby and Tucker's around 3:00. They were hosting that night's seder, so we helped them make food. They have a very good kitchen for groups of people, with both shmooze space and work space. (They redid the kitchen when they bought the house, so you would expect it to meet their needs.) The seder (as opposed to the dinner) was brief, especially in comparison to Wednesday's; this family tends to rush through the haggadah and skip a lot of parts. There were a couple of small children there, one of whom was being very bad (and yes, he's old enough to know better), and that probably didn't tempt people to linger over the text. The meal was tasty, and unlike past years we did at least make an attempt at the after-meal part of the haggadah. Not a very successful attempt, but I hope they keep trying.

They use a home-brew haggadah (that leaves a bunch of stuff out already). I found myself inserting the appropriate brachot (blessings) quietly, but I wasn't going to push the matter. I was amused that on some other points Debby turned to me, and not her father, for guidance. (Things like "do we say shehechiyanu tonight?" (no).)

Dani's parents are divorced, which means that his parents will never be at the same seder. This seder included Dani's father and the swarm of relatives of Dani's father's second wife. These children were adults when they got married, and they got married when Dani was also an adult, so while they are technically step-siblings to him, they're really not related in any meaningful way. And if it's not meaningful for him it's certainly not going to be meaningful for me. So at seders or other gatherings with that side of the family, I end up trying to stay in the background and be quiet. I'm really glad that wasn't my only seder this year!

Talk of SARS is everywhere in Toronto, but it doesn't seem to be keeping people from going out. Friday we accompanied Debby and Tucker to a crafts show; it was smaller than last year's but well-attended. And Saturday night after Shabbat we went to see Second City (fun show), which was also well-attended. I thought our brief brush with the outskirts of Chinatown on Friday was a bad idea, but it wasn't prolonged and I think it was ok.

Saturday morning I went to Beth Tzedec (Conservative) for services. I was met at the door by a security guard who directed me to the SARS instruction sheet, which said, basically, "no kissing (not even the Torah), no handshakes, kiddush is cancelled, and don't enter this building if [list of conditions here]". We heard some horror stories from Debby (who works in a hospital) about entire congregations, workplaces, etc having to go into quarantine because of contact with one person, so I guess that makes sense, but it still surprised me a little. I mean, if I'm in the same room as someone and breathing the same air, does it really matter if I shake his hand?

Beth Tzedec is a huge congregation, probably about the size of Holy Blossom (where I went last year). If I had to hazard a guess based on Shabbat attendance and the size of the sanctuary, I'd say 2000 families. Rabbi Berkun had told me last week, when I asked about it, that they are "not at all" egalitarian and that I wouldn't find that in Toronto, so I was pleasantly surprised to see women in the choir and two women called to the Torah. One was a bat mitzvah and the other was celebrating a special birthday (60?), so maybe it takes something like that for a woman to get onto the bimah and I just had a lucky observation. And the bat mitzvah didn't do anything in the service except get an aliya (not even maftir, so she didn't read haftarah).

That congregation has a very good cantor. His voice was very good, he could be heard, he articulated very well, and his Hebrew was excellent. And as a bonus, it was Sephardi pronunciation, like I'm used to, and not Ashkenazi.

We spent most of the time there being "on" with various family members. While visiting is preferable to being bored because everyone is off doing stuff and we can't really go anywhere, it's also wearing. I really wish there were a practical way to visit with Dani's family in smaller doses. We visit with my family several times a year, in 6-8 hour doses, which works well -- but they're local, so we can.

I also wish some of his family would come to Pittsburgh occasionally; the burden shouldn't always be on us to go there. Looking ahead, next year's seders are on Monday and Tuesday, which means there'll probably be pressure for us to come up the previous weekend. I think I'm going to lobby for driving up Monday, hitting the two seders, and leaving Wednesday. I probably won't get away with it, but I can try. (I won't give the effort four vacation days, so if we extend the trip it will be by going up Sunday.)

The rest stop at Angola in New York has toilets with sensors that automatically flush when you stand up. Next time I find myself having to travel on Shabbat or Yom Tov, when I'm a little funny about random electrical devices that can be avoided, I'll know to stop elsewhere.

The Denny's at Angola has exactly one meal-sized thing that I could eat today on the way back (tuna salad with greens). I thought they used to have a fruit salad and maybe one other member of the tossed-salad family that didn't include meat or pasta. Also, a glance at their dinner menu produced nothing that was either vegetarian or fish (kosher species). They have lots of meat and shrimp. So even during non-Pesach trips, it's not as good an option as it used to be.

Toronto has a restaurant chain called Pickle Barrel (probably lots of other cities do too, but Pittsburgh isn't among them). We went to the same instance on Friday that we went to last year, specifically because of their fruit salad. It's enormous, and it's basically just chunks of fresh fruit (no dressings or other pesky things to worry about). Both times, I took away as much as I ate. This is a good option for those situations where people really want to go out for food. Left to my own devices I would not enter any (non-kosher) restaurant during Pesach; if I have to, I look for dishes that have no problem ingredients and that are not cooked, because I'm not going to rely on their cookware being chametz-free. I suppose, technically, I am applying higher standards during Pesach than during the year, when I'll eat cooked vegetarian/fish dishes in restaurants, but I'm ok with that. Chametz gets stressed a lot in the Torah; things like separate dishes for meat and dairy are rabbinic fences.

I learned two new euphemisms during this trip:

• "highway maintenance ahead"; yes, the sign was orange. That's putting a positive spin on construction, I'd say.
• "unprotected contact", which seems to mean being within 15 feet of someone without wearing a full-body condom. (Well, mask, gown, and gloves; they don't seem to be doing the hats and booties.)

Comments

[msmemory.livejournal.com]

The rest stop at Angola in New York has toilets with sensors that automatically flush when you stand up. Next time I find myself having to travel on Shabbat or Yom Tov, when I'm a little funny about random electrical devices that can be avoided, I'll know to stop elsewhere.

Would you indulge this non-Jewish person, and tell me more about this? Why is it better to push the lever (work) yourself than to have an electronic device start the flush?

[geekosaur]

At a (slightly educated) guess, the former is permissible/necessary work ("no work" does not mean soil yourself, ignore the sick or infirm, etc.) while the latter is somewhat more gratuitous.

electricity

[cellio]

Short answer: electricity.

The longer answer is, well, longer. :-)

While "work" is the common word used for what's forbidden on Shabbat (and holidays), it's not descriptive enough. Certain categories of labor are forbidden; they are, basically, the types of work that were used to build the mishkan (portable sanctuary) in the desert. Several chapters of Exodus describe this process.

One category of forbidden work that is specifically mentioned in the Torah (most of them are inferred) is kindling fire. Another (inferred) category is what is usually called "striking the final hammer blow" -- completing a creative task. Most halachic authorities consider use (well, alteration) of electrical currant to be one or the other of these. A minority hold that electricity is fine and that it's more like turning on the water tap than creating something new. (The "hammer blow" argument against electricity is that you're completing the circuit.)

Now, I'm not generally that strict. I am strict with uses of electricity that involve (fundamentally) altering heat or light, because those are the reasons you build fires (light, cooking, heat...). I don't turn on lights or the oven on Shabbat; I program everything I need in advance. I'm not concerned with incidental light; that the burglar alarm at my previous house involved lights on the control panel didn't stop me from using it on Shabbat.

However, I'll avoid gratiuitous use of elecricity if I can; I'll take the stairs and not the elevator (unless I can follow someone on who's going to my floor), I don't turn the TV/stereo/etc on or off, and so on. But if I find myself in a situation where use of electricity is pretty much required (e.g. my destination is on the 20th floor), I'll go ahead and use the electricity. And I don't drive unless the circumstances are extraordinary, though I will ride in a car with someone who was going there anyway.

In the case of the toilets, this just means that in the future I'll try to remember to choose a different rest stop where maybe they still use handles. But given my discovery at Angola, I wasn't going to hold it for the next 50 miles instead of using the facilities. :-)

There are all sorts of unexpected areas where people who are stricter about electricity can get hosed. These kinds of toilets are one. Another is hotel rooms: almost no one uses mechanical locks and keys any more. And automatic doors. And motion-sensitive lights.

Re: electricity

[marnen.livejournal.com]

I'm not shomer shabbat myself, but from the (admittedly little) I know on the subject, I think your reasoning may be faulty, or at least overly stringent. As I understand it, it's permissible to trigger an automatic device on Shabbat if doing so requires no extra work on your part. Certainly breaking the beam of a photoelectric sensor requires absolutely no extra effort. OTOH, I think all rest areas on the NY Thruway have similar toilets, so driving the extra distance off the Thruway to find manual toilets (and paying another toll, thus handling money more times than necessary) probably would be extra effort. And of course there's the effort involved in operating the flush handle...

Re: electricity

[cellio]

I think it boils down to whether you believe completing the circuit/triggering the action is "striking the final hammer blow", which is one of the 39 categories of forbidden work. I'm inclined against that interpretation myself, but I can see why people hold it and I'm mindful of it, so if I know I have a choice I'll tend to take the other one (the manual door instead of the automatic one, for example). If I don't, well, I don't sweat it. I'm more concerned about triggering lights than anything else, because there's an issue that has nothing to do with hammer blows (kindling fire), but again, if it happens accidentally or unavoidably I don't sweat it. So I'm not going to put up a motion-sensor light on my porch, but when my neighbors did (previous house) and I couldn't walk into my house without triggering their light, I lived with it.

I didn't realize that the entire thruway had gone over to that setup. I don't spend much time on the parts of the thruway that aren't between I-79 and Canada. And yea, if the choice were toilets or tolls, I'd take toilets. (Dani, who doesn't give a hoot about any of this, did all of the driving and handled all of the tolls.)

[eub.livejournal.com]

I mean, if I'm in the same room as someone and breathing the same air, does it really matter if I shake his hand?

Current theory seems to be that transmission directly through the air is unknown but conceivable, whereas transmission by contaminated-hand-to-mucous-membrane contact is known, and probably moves a heavier viral load. The CDC's travel advice (http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/sars/travel_advice.htm) is big on hand-washing.

[cellio]

I hadn't realized that they hadn't established transmission by air. Thanks. (I guess they're applying belt and suspenders when deciding who has to go into quarantine. It could be by air so assume it is, I guess.)

My sister-in-law had to go into quarantine because she works in a hospital where someone with SARS was (York, not Scarborough), even though she had had no contact herself. So they're being pretty cautions.

I was assuming the backdrop of frequent hand-washing, but they probably weren't.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Re: Denny's, you forgot an obvious option: BREAKFAST.

Soft-boiled eggs are always safe. I don't know whether poached or some other forms of cooked egg would be a problem for you. As for the side dish, potatoes should be okay. Just ask them to hold the toast during Pesach.

[cellio]

These are all fine options at home, but I'm not prepared to assume that Denny's meticulously cleans the skillet/griddle/whatever after every use. The skillet with my eggs might have just been used for french toast. (Maybe poached is safer that way.) To some extent I take that risk with any dish, though I know that serving dishes/flatware have to be run through the ultra-hot dishwasher after every use so that's a little safer. Still, during Pesach I feel safer sticking to cold foods if I have to eat in a restaurant at all.

Goljerp has a good point about nullification. Pesach is more strict than the rest of the year in terms of separation. That was probably in the back of my mind; I did know that, though I forgot that I knew it. :-)

If I thought I could pull it off I just wouldn't eat cooked food in non-kosher restaurants at all, but that would really interfere with relations with my husband and friends, so I don't. But for one week we can manage.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

These are all fine options at home, but I'm not prepared to assume that Denny's meticulously cleans the skillet/griddle/whatever after every use. The skillet with my eggs might have just been used for french toast.

That's why I suggested soft-boiled and poached specifically; they're not cooked on the griddle, but in boiling water.

I also wasn't sure how precise you were keeping Kosher, which is why I had suggested the eggs at all.

[cellio]

Oh, good point! For that matter, I might even be able to ask for hard-boiled, which (if delivered in the shells) are unambiguously safe.

[zzrg.livejournal.com]

Next year I need to go wander in front of some nice jewish friend's house at the appropriate time. This obstensible Methodist needs a good Seder. Jewish kitchens during the holidays are one of those really spiritual centers of the universe.

[goljerp]

I picked up an interesting idea there. One of the hosts commented that parsley isn't very filling and she wanted to use something more filling for the green vegetable, so people wouldn't rush through the haggadah to get to dinner. She settled on broccoli, and it was a hit. If I ever get to lead another seder I will do that. I know that some people use potatoes, but there's already so much starch in the meal that I really like having something green.

Have you considered romaine lettuce? It's historically more accurate than parsley (I think that the mishnah text actually references it), and it can be thought of as a salad very easily - with a salty dressing. In my experience, potatoes were dipped in salt water only immediately before the meal (with no brucha).

I suppose, technically, I am applying higher standards during Pesach than during the year, when I'll eat cooked vegetarian/fish dishes in restaurants, but I'm ok with that.

True, but there are stricter standards for chametz during pesach than there are for general treif during the year. During the year, if you have less than one part in 60 of a substance that it can be ignored. (The OU doesn't appear to follow this rule as far as milk products go, being more strict than that, but that's another rant.) However, during pesach, chametz does not get nullified that way. So you're just being sensitive to the different rules of pesach.

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

Romaine lettuce is traditionally used by some groups as the *moror*. Using it as the karpas would be creating mixed messages. Same for any lettuce.

My husband's family uses cucumber slices, but any plant that grows from the earth and is not defined as "bitter" would work. The color is optional. :) There is the problem of, if you eat too much of the karpas (enough to be "filling"), you have to make an afterbracha (the one paragraph "borei nefashos") before you go on to the matzah.

[goljerp]

Romaine lettuce is traditionally used by some groups as the *moror*.

Dang! Of course you're right. Thanks for correcting me!

[marnen.livejournal.com]

I tend to use coriander leaves (cilantro) as the karpas, since my cooking is usually Indian-influenced, so I generally have coriander around when I'm cooking anyway. That and I like the taste. (And leftover coriander is wonderful on matzah with ghee, salt, and pepper!)
I've even heard of potatoes being used for karpas (presumably among groups who don't observe the custom of kitniyot). They're not green, though.

[marnen.livejournal.com]

Oh, duhhhh...didn't see the bit about potatoes in the original post at first.

[marnen.livejournal.com]

And my sedarim are usually vegetarian, so I use a beet instead of the shankbone.

[cellio]

Mmmm, cilantro. What a great idea!

If potatoes are kitniyot, we're all in trouble. You've got to have some starch without the, err, matzah problem, after all. :-) I think we had potatoes with practically every meal while we were there.

[marnen.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. I thought potatoes were kitniyot, but that's a custom that I have chosen not to follow because it makes very little sense to me (and isn't fundamental to Passover kashrut).