children and organized religion

[cellio]

I found this article on the problems faced by child-free church-goers to be fascinating. Also extremely resonant. (Warning: tone is sometimes "undiplomatic".) Thanks to revlainiep for the link.

A few excerpts:

It is readily apparent that a crisis of faith exists among religious individuals within the childfree community. As religious organizations continue to gravitate toward all things "family-friendly" (at the paradoxical expense of childfree families), people are finding themselves increasingly alienated from the religion of their choice.

Not all families contain children. Please repeat this phrase like a mantra.

The family-friendly trend in modern worship leads to a phenomenon that I like to call the “Disneyfication of religion". When children become the focal point of a church, you'll find that the liturgical pickings get pretty slim. Everything becomes ridiculously over-simplified. Before long, you'll notice that the accomplishments of the 12 Apostles have been reduced to a panoramic display made out of Popsicle sticks.

Children, if permitted to attend church at all, should be kept in services geared toward children. It's doing both the adults and the children a huge favor. Children cry and scream during services because they cannot handle the situation. It's not their fault. If the children are kept busy with activities more appropriate to their own age group, then both they and the adult congregation will benefit greatly.

People get all misty-eyed babbling on about the beauty of the prayers of a child. Well, the prayers of an adult are just as crucial--and in the case of an adult, at least God won't be constantly petitioned for jellybeans and Pokemon toys.

On a more serious note, the phenomenon of childfree individuals giving up on organized religion is becoming an international epidemic. Is it because they're uncaring, unfeeling souls who are no longer concerned about honoring God? Hardly. It's because they've been all but shoved out into the streets by churches that are positively obsessed with keeping up a "family-friendly" image (but naturally, the childfree families can hang from the highest tree).

Update: Apparently, there is a "child-free" movement that is actively hostile to children. I thought the term merely described people who chose not to have kids, without specific implications about attitude. Let me just clarify that I don't have a problem with other people's well-behaved kids. But I do have a problem with bad behavior (from anyone), any expectation that I participate in child-care, and the various efforts out there to elevate children above adults. (As an example of the last, I think adults living in poverty are just as tragic as children living in poverty, and I don't contribute to charities that are about "saving children" as opposed to "saving people".) And yeah, I've seen this kind of elevation of unready children in my congregation, though it's not nearly as prevalent as the article's author says it is in hers.

Comments

Re: "Childfree"

[goljerp]

Another thing I've seen is to have children lead "Adon Alom" at the end of services. There's an echo-y tune to that that's pretty easy to lead. On the other hand, that's more suited to a mass of 5 and 6 year olds than to individual children.

At my current shul I regularly go to two different minyans. One has a wider age range. There are newborns up through high school students. Basically, kids are expected to be quiet. Sometimes they'll be crawling around, but if they get noisy then a parent will take them out of the room. There's a children's area on the same floor that they can go to, as well as various children's services in the building. The older kids come and go as they like. The other minyan doesn't have any children above the age of 5. Often the 5-year old and the 2 year old will play quietly on the steps of the ark at the front of the room. The main problem is when they start to giggle too much. If they're too noisy (there's one child who has lots of energy and finds it tough to stay quiet), they're taken outside by a parent. I like having children around (and G-d willing will have children of my own who I will take to services.) Neither service is dumbed down by the presence of children.