children and organized religion

[cellio]

I found this article on the problems faced by child-free church-goers to be fascinating. Also extremely resonant. (Warning: tone is sometimes "undiplomatic".) Thanks to revlainiep for the link.

A few excerpts:

It is readily apparent that a crisis of faith exists among religious individuals within the childfree community. As religious organizations continue to gravitate toward all things "family-friendly" (at the paradoxical expense of childfree families), people are finding themselves increasingly alienated from the religion of their choice.

Not all families contain children. Please repeat this phrase like a mantra.

The family-friendly trend in modern worship leads to a phenomenon that I like to call the “Disneyfication of religion". When children become the focal point of a church, you'll find that the liturgical pickings get pretty slim. Everything becomes ridiculously over-simplified. Before long, you'll notice that the accomplishments of the 12 Apostles have been reduced to a panoramic display made out of Popsicle sticks.

Children, if permitted to attend church at all, should be kept in services geared toward children. It's doing both the adults and the children a huge favor. Children cry and scream during services because they cannot handle the situation. It's not their fault. If the children are kept busy with activities more appropriate to their own age group, then both they and the adult congregation will benefit greatly.

People get all misty-eyed babbling on about the beauty of the prayers of a child. Well, the prayers of an adult are just as crucial--and in the case of an adult, at least God won't be constantly petitioned for jellybeans and Pokemon toys.

On a more serious note, the phenomenon of childfree individuals giving up on organized religion is becoming an international epidemic. Is it because they're uncaring, unfeeling souls who are no longer concerned about honoring God? Hardly. It's because they've been all but shoved out into the streets by churches that are positively obsessed with keeping up a "family-friendly" image (but naturally, the childfree families can hang from the highest tree).

Update: Apparently, there is a "child-free" movement that is actively hostile to children. I thought the term merely described people who chose not to have kids, without specific implications about attitude. Let me just clarify that I don't have a problem with other people's well-behaved kids. But I do have a problem with bad behavior (from anyone), any expectation that I participate in child-care, and the various efforts out there to elevate children above adults. (As an example of the last, I think adults living in poverty are just as tragic as children living in poverty, and I don't contribute to charities that are about "saving children" as opposed to "saving people".) And yeah, I've seen this kind of elevation of unready children in my congregation, though it's not nearly as prevalent as the article's author says it is in hers.

Comments

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

It's funny. I find myself torn between appreciating the author's perspective---where I come from, we take crying babies out of services---and wanting to defend children as humans. Not all children shriek and misbehave (and as for singing, has the author never heard a classical boy's choir?), and not all adults are so high-minded as to not wish for the equivalent of Pokemon and jellybeans.

Isn't there a middle ground between despising children and being one of those obnoxious people who can speak of nothing but children and nag every woman about when she'll have some? I have two good friends who like children as people (which is to say, they like those children whose personalities appeal to them) and don't plan to have any of their own. The venom of many 'childfree' writings scares me, but on the other hand I can't help but empathize with the exasperation, bred of many of the child-oriented dysfunctions of our society, that fuels that venom.

*sigh* I dunno. I plan to have a child one day, and I know there are friends I will lose when I do.

[cellio]

I'm not a "kid person", but I have friends with kids and I try not to let that affect things. Usually, because my friends are considerate people who don't impose on the unwilling, the restrictions actually come from them, not from me. You don't have to lose friends over it, if everyone involved has good will and a desire to work together.

There are certainly specific children that I get along fine with. But this can't really happen until well past the age of basic sentience; I just don't see what's so gush-worthy about an infant. I don't have anything against those who do; I'm just not going to participate.

I think the article would be more effective as a persuasion tool without all the negative tone, but I don't know the author's intent. And we all know that sometimes one just has to rant. :-)