children and organized religion

[cellio]

I found this article on the problems faced by child-free church-goers to be fascinating. Also extremely resonant. (Warning: tone is sometimes "undiplomatic".) Thanks to revlainiep for the link.

A few excerpts:

It is readily apparent that a crisis of faith exists among religious individuals within the childfree community. As religious organizations continue to gravitate toward all things "family-friendly" (at the paradoxical expense of childfree families), people are finding themselves increasingly alienated from the religion of their choice.

Not all families contain children. Please repeat this phrase like a mantra.

The family-friendly trend in modern worship leads to a phenomenon that I like to call the “Disneyfication of religion". When children become the focal point of a church, you'll find that the liturgical pickings get pretty slim. Everything becomes ridiculously over-simplified. Before long, you'll notice that the accomplishments of the 12 Apostles have been reduced to a panoramic display made out of Popsicle sticks.

Children, if permitted to attend church at all, should be kept in services geared toward children. It's doing both the adults and the children a huge favor. Children cry and scream during services because they cannot handle the situation. It's not their fault. If the children are kept busy with activities more appropriate to their own age group, then both they and the adult congregation will benefit greatly.

People get all misty-eyed babbling on about the beauty of the prayers of a child. Well, the prayers of an adult are just as crucial--and in the case of an adult, at least God won't be constantly petitioned for jellybeans and Pokemon toys.

On a more serious note, the phenomenon of childfree individuals giving up on organized religion is becoming an international epidemic. Is it because they're uncaring, unfeeling souls who are no longer concerned about honoring God? Hardly. It's because they've been all but shoved out into the streets by churches that are positively obsessed with keeping up a "family-friendly" image (but naturally, the childfree families can hang from the highest tree).

Update: Apparently, there is a "child-free" movement that is actively hostile to children. I thought the term merely described people who chose not to have kids, without specific implications about attitude. Let me just clarify that I don't have a problem with other people's well-behaved kids. But I do have a problem with bad behavior (from anyone), any expectation that I participate in child-care, and the various efforts out there to elevate children above adults. (As an example of the last, I think adults living in poverty are just as tragic as children living in poverty, and I don't contribute to charities that are about "saving children" as opposed to "saving people".) And yeah, I've seen this kind of elevation of unready children in my congregation, though it's not nearly as prevalent as the article's author says it is in hers.

Comments

...another opinion...slightly ranty, mostly just opinionated...

[fiannaharpar.livejournal.com]

Before I say anything else, as far as i'm concerned the problem isn't the child, it's the parent. The parent is the responsible adult in the situation and the child, who acts like a drunken monkey on acid because all children are just that, only knows what it is taught and what it sees.

The species has to perpetuate itself or die out.
Right now we have far more people on the planet than we truly need, we are currently in no danger of dying out. This is potentially the worst arguement for having children next to "I want someone to love me". The fact is that many people have not figured out that perhaps there are conditions where it is inappropriate to have/rear a child. If you don't have the means, you should not be reproducing. If you still choose to reproduce, you should place your child with people who do have the means. You should not expect handout one for your irresponsible behaviour if you do not do the above. I realise that this is an attitude frought with problems, and would take a world-wide social/religious change to actually work, but this is an opinion, so it is allowed to work in a vacuum :-)

I agree with you on the activly anti-child wing of the CF movement. They are a bunch of whiny, self-involved morons, which is exactly what they accuse those with children of being.

The problem that many CF people have with the childed is that there is an overwhelming majority of them who think that since they managed to reproduce, they should get tax breaks, drive their SUV-like strollers down the sidewalk so no one can share them (really, the current fashion are these side-by-side two child strollers that are the ultimate in rude), think that they should just be able to take their child anywhere regardless of how inappropriate a place it might be to do so, permit their progeny to run wild without correction, and generally fail to *parent* without repercussion. I have watched these people change diapers on restaurant tables, i've watched them permit their child to run around misbehaving in malls, and i've been told of them bringing their 2-year-old to see a late showing of "The Matrix" (fortunately, they left when the child got bored and cranky enough to really get on the dad's nerves). This is *not* living softly and politely with others. This is acting like the world owes you something, and that the world should just tolerate your child because they're spayshul.

Right now, there is a large group of children out there who were not reared to understand that their actions have consequences that they are responsible for, have hugely overblown senses of self-worth, and don't comprehend that the world is not their personal playground. These children are stunted from day one because their parents are idiots. Then, when the child hits adulthood, they aren't capable of being able to survive in the world.

For the parents that do try and instill their children with a reasonable sense of self-worth, that they are responsible for the outcomes of their own actions, and that living softly and well with others is just a good way to exist it is hard as hell to find other like-minded folk out there. You find yourself hoping that when you walk into a store/restaurant/whatever that you aren't coming in right behind one of these obnioxious morons, or that they are so burned out by the other parents that they assume that you are one of *them* the minute they see you. It makes parenting even harder.

I see both sides of this arguement and hope that you take this for what it is, an opinion.

Oh, and I am too distracted by my hate to worship! was just frickin' *hysterical* :-)

Re: ...another opinion...slightly ranty, mostly just opinionated...

[cellio]

You said a lot of things that I would have otherwise said, so I'll just say "me too" instead. It's especially refreshing to see this attitude coming from a parent.