obligations and commitment
Sep. 21st, 2003 01:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cellioNitzavim contains the famous text "I set before you life and death, blessing and curse...choose life". We have obligations, but if we choose to do them, we're blessed. If we don't, well, God's not going to force us to (that would be a loss of free will); God wants us to choose.
Every Jew makes this choice many times. We don't always choose well, but we do our best. The high holy days provide an annual prod to examine where we are and try to do better, but we should be doing this sort of examination on an ongoing basis.
I know lots of Jews who aren't especially committed to Judaism. They didn't ask for this; they were born into it, and stuck with a decision made by their distant ancestors. They didn't choose, and therefore don't see themselves as obligated. I can understand that.
What I can't understand, and what truly angers me, is when converts abandon the obligations they accepted. Most who do this quietly slip away, but a few, like "Dr Laura", make very public declarations.
The process of conversion is a long one, and for good reason. Judaism says that you don't have to be Jewish to be ok with God; you only have to keep a few basic laws, most of which you probably would have kept anyway. Gentiles have it pretty easy, and they don't have to do any more. If you choose to do more, to take on more obligation, you had better be darn sure you know what you're doing. So the process takes a while, and (when done right) it involves a lot of heart-to-heart discussions with your rabbi and eventually a thorough examination by the beit din. You can bail at any point along this path -- no shame, and no harm done. The rabbis would prefer that you bail if your heart isn't in it.
I don't know what motivates those who convert and then walk away. In some cases, someone converts for an external reason, like a marriage, and then the marriage breaks up and the convert no longer cares. The convert probably wasn't sincere, and maybe just wanted the membership card. The process is supposed to catch this, but humans are fallible and some rabbis are more stringent than others. But there are clearly cases (like the one I mentioned earlier) where this isn't what happened. In some cases, it appears, the religion didn't turn out to provide the benefits the convert was seeking, so he gives up on it. At least some of the time, the convert had mistaken ideas about the benefits, perhaps expecting instant family or the like.
Every convert who abandons his Judaism makes it that much harder for future sincere converts. That's what makes me angry. Every convert-apikorus is one more reason for rabbis to shy away from taking on any candidates. This type of apikorus damages Judaism from within -- ironically, while trying to leave. In some cases the convert really did have a change of heart, but I think in most cases, like the person who borrows money beyond his means and finds himself hounded by collection agents, he just didn't consider his decision, and the consequences, carefully enough.
It is the convert's responsibility to understand just what he is getting into -- just what obligations he is accepting. These will vary by movement. For example, if you aren't willing to commit in principle to every single halacha as interpreted by the rabbis, don't convert Orthodox. (This is different from being unable to fulfill an obligation, e.g. knowing that you're going to drive to services because you live too far away to walk. The question is: do you accept the binding nature of halacha?) In Reform, you are committing to study and interpret, ideally with the guidance of your rabbi, and not to just say "I'm Reform so I don't have to do X". You might have to; understand why this is so before you commit.
If someone can't accept those obligations for the long term, he shouldn't convert. Maybe another movement is more suitable, or maybe he shouldn't convert at all. (Of course, there are other factors that also affect a choice to convert at all or in a particular movement, like what you believe about God and Sinai.)
And if he made a mistake? Well, there's a big difference between no longer fulfilling your obligations and publicly rejecting them. Lots of born Jews don't fulfill the obligations of the tradition they're born into. Some born Jews reject them openly -- that's their prerogative. It is not the convert's prerogative; you forfeited that right when you chose to enter the covenant.
Choose wisely.
(I didn't realize just how strongly I felt about this until Friday night.)
(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-22 07:19 pm (UTC)i have to say that between reading your current lj and your lj of your conversion, i feel like you are a good guide for those of us still in the process. or at least people like me who feel the need to go deeper into things than an intro course takes you. you've mentioned in your older entries that you were probably more well-read going into the class- did that remain the case? did a lot of people just kind of sit there and take it in and either not ask questions or not answer them? i'm finding i'm in that situation- there aren't a lot of questions asked, and when the rabbi asks a question most people stare at him blankly. i wonder if they do the reading and think about it, or if they just read it, or if they don't and just come to class because it's a required hoop for conversion with all the reform rabbis in the city.
i know everyone's situation is different, but i also wonder how involved the other people are in their sponsoring synagogue, etc. there is one couple sponsored by my rabbi (other than me), and i've never seen them at services since i began attending back at the beginning of april. and i go to both friday night and saturday morning services most weeks. i don't mean to judge them- this is obviously none of my business. but, it makes me wonder about other people, and it makes me wish more of the class were engaged; i feel like we could all learn a lot more if more people were actively learning.
wow. i've just rambled on quite a bit. back to my original reason for replying: you make very good points about choices. i think converts are held to a different level of expectations even if we are supposed to be looked at simply as jews once we have converted, for the sole reason that you pointed out: we have chosen this. we are entering into this freely, having (hopefully) weighed all consequences and the like.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-22 08:47 pm (UTC)I was probably the most well-read and most engaged person in the class when I took it, yes. A lot of my classmates didn't really participate. I wondered some of the same things about many of my classmates as you wonder about yours, and I found it frustrating. I had been looking forward to deep, engaging discussions in class, and mostly that didn't happen. I got the impression that many were not actively participating in the religion the way I was (and am). Of course, maybe they were just taking a longer, slower path; I was single and able to dedicate myself to it in a way that, say, a couple or someone with kids can't. And I did get to have those discussions with my rabbi one-on-one (still do).
I agree that converts are held to a different standard -- and I think that's just fine. We hold people who want to become citizens of a different country to higher standards than the natives, too. It's not so different. If you want the change, you have to be willing to work for it and commit to it.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-23 03:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-09-23 03:40 pm (UTC)I try not to judge others; judging myself is a full-time job. Besides, we're commanded to judge others favorably; we never know the full story. And I can understand fluctuations; they happen to everyone.
And there's a big difference between what you're describing and very publicly rejecting the religion (after converting). It's the latter that I have a problem with. Most people aren't like that, of course.