Yom Kippur
Oct. 7th, 2003 11:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cellioI ended up going to the later service for Kol Nidre, the one with the more formal music. (I went despite that and because of the timing; I didn't want to add an extra hour to my fast to go early.) This is pretty much the service I remember from last year, with a professional quartet and the organ and the traditional HHD melodies. And the cello rendition of the Kol Nidre melody, which is gorgeous but long at 11 minutes. (Both services got the cello; apparently that's a highly-requested feature.)
I went to the early service in the morning, which is unfortunate timing but oh well. (Music for this one was just the cantor, not the quartet, and piano rather than organ when she wasn't singing a-capella.) They did shorten the liturgy a bit, mostly by reading rather than singing some parts. They might have skipped Hebrew parts in favor of just doing the English; last year there was more repetition between the two languages. I prefer less repetition, but I prefer that the language be Hebrew for more of it. (I might feel differently if the English were less "creative". I wonder if a new machzor will follow after Mishkan T'fillah, the new siddur due out in 2005.)
The reason the early service was unfortunate timing, besides that I couldn't sleep in, is that I then had to find some way to pass 2.5 hours until it was time for the afternoon (mincha) service. (Would have been 3 hours, but I spent half an hour ushering.) I sweet-talked the director into unlocking the part of the building that contains the library; I guess being active in the congregation has its privileges. :-) Anyway, that gave me a whole room-full of books I (mostly) haven't read, so that was fine. After browsing for a while I settled on a book of Chassidic stories by Rabbi Nachman of Bretslev. I've heard short retellings of some of his stories and liked them; this book was made up of longer stories that were mostly not very satisfying. (In two cases he basically didn't tell the end of the story; I would have appreciated an editorial warning of that up front.)
I had considered walking down the street to Young People's to see if they required tickets for their morning service. I decided not to for a few reasons: I could get into the library now but wasn't sure I'd be able to find the director an hour later if YPS turned out to be a bad idea; I should visit YPS for something "typical", which means Shabbat, rather than for something special if I want to get a sense of them; and I'm just a bit too much of a coward to walk into someone else's HHD services. I do want to visit them for Shabbat sometime, though. Maybe a Friday night this winter.
The afternoon (mincha) service doesn't do a lot for me (though it works better for me than Yizkor does). The balance seems out of whack for mincha; most of the time is spent on (1) the "good-parts" edition of the bible (that is, review of creation, redemption, exile, and eventual return to the land) and (2) recalling the martyrs of our people. And while the latter is a fine idea in principle, at least in Gates of Repentance it has come to be somewhat dominated by the Shoah (Holocaust), to the exclusion of other major attacks on our people like the Romans and the Crusades. And it mentions, but does not name, the ten martyrs under Roman rule. (It tells the story of Akiva and one other, and names one or two more.)
But the intergenerational choir (ameteur, all volunteers) participates in the mincha service, and I enjoy services that they're in.
Yizkor always feels a little weird for me. (I think I've mentioned this before.) Yizkor is a memorial service; in some congregations you're not supposed to even attend if both of your parents are living, but our congregation encourages everyone to attend. I am blessed to still have both of my parents, though all of my grandparents are gone now, so I think about them during this service. But it feels a little odd to me because they weren't Jewish, so some of the things in the service just don't click in that case.
I would just leave for Yizkor, but then I might miss Neilah, the concluding service of Yom Kippur, and that would be unfortunate. For those who don't know, we talk a lot about the "gates of prayer" and the "gates of repentance" being especially open during this time; Neilah is when those gates close (though some rabbis say they never actually close). This is also around hour 23 or 24 of the fast, and if you're like me you've been in shul all day. It's a service that really resonates for me, and at the end of the day I did feel as if I had been forgiven and given another chance. I don't know how to explain it.
I received several compliments on the services, which seemed odd because I'm not the one who did all the work. (I told them thanks but to please thank the rabbis.) I did do some of the work; I assigned the various readers and aliyot, along with my co-chair. But I can't take credit for the content, or the smoothness with which things ran (our staff is amazing). I did happily accept compliments on my chanting. :-)
Between mincha and yizkor we had two class sessions, with about half a dozen offerings. I went to my rabbi's class, called "the case for distinctiveness", which turned into a discussion of chosenness and elitism. I don't think that was his intention. The second class I went to was called "must we always forgive?"; some of you know how much I've wrestled with that question at times, so it was an obvious choice for me. We did talk some about the halacha of forgiveness -- both what you are required to do if you're the wrongdoer and that if asked for forgiveness you're required to do your best to actually grant it. That just begs the question, of course.
The person teaching the class is a psychologist or social worker or something like that, so I was hoping to hear some advice on this. That didn't really happen; this, too, was more of a discussion, and people told anecdotes from their experiences but it was hard to abstract things out. A worthwhile discussion if not an informative one. And no one in the room had an answer for my question, which was: what are your obligations if you're pretty sure the person asking is not sincere, for example because he's done this same objectionable behavior many times in the past, said he saw the error, and then gone and done it again anyway?
The liturgy contains a declaration where we say that we forgive everyone who has wronged us, intentionally or unintentionally, and we ask that no one be punished on our account. I find this challenging, especially as it seems to circumvent the process of asking for forgiveness directly. On the one hand we're told that God won't forgive us until we ask forgiveness from those we wronged (and make restitution); on the other hand, we grant blanket forgiveness to those who didn't follow this process. While I do not personally have any grudges of this sort in my life right now, I'd still like the option to deal with them if they should occur. Hmm. Maybe I should ask my rabbi about this.
There was a "pledge card" in the service handout, which initially surprised me because we don't tend toward that sort of thing. On closer inspection, though, they weren't asking for money: it was a solicitation for a pledge to go to Israel sometime in the next year. Apparently all the rabbis in town were doing this. Ours spoke briefly about it, telling us that he'll be leading a trip in December and there are still some spots available.
I'd like to go, someday, but it probably won't be in December. Maybe for the next trip my rabbi leads. (I guess I should start the paperwork going on getting a passport, so that when I do decide to go I won't have any bureaucratic hurdles.)
I'm not sure whether my first trip to Israel should be with my rabbi, which would be a fabulous experience, or with my husband, who would be very unlikely to go on a congregational trip (but who could show me around and solve the language problem). One way or another, though, eventually one of those two -- my rabbi or my husband -- is going to take me there.
A funny bit from services. A few months ago we started using a new sound system, and part of it is that the rabbis and the cantor get portable mikes (so they aren't constrained about where they stand, which had been a problem). These mikes involve some sort of gizmo that clips to the belt.
On Yom Kippur we are forbidden to wear leather. And as I said, these mikes are new. (You see where this is going, right?)
I didn't see it, but apparently before Kol Nidre there was a bit of a scramble to find something that wasn't a belt that could support the weight of these things. I think they ended up using rope. :-) It was all under a robe, so it's not like anyone could see it, but I got a giggle out of it when I heard about it in the morning.
The no-leather rule also rules out most dress shoes. Some people take the Nike approach; some of them seem to get a charge out of being able to wear sneakers to shul. I use Chinese slippers (plastic soles, cloth uppers, very cheap). They're not especially comfortable, but they're fine for one day, including the walk between home and shul.
The fast went well this year. In the interests of replicating that next year, here are some notes:
- Began backing off caffeine a week before. Normal pattern is to alternate cans of Diet Coke/Pepsi and 24-ounce bottles of water throughout the day; starting last Monday I did two bottles between, then on Wednesday moved to three, then on Friday moved to four. Final state was about two cans per day, with about a gallon and a half of water per day.
- Sunday: big lunch, consisting of salmon (~7oz?), large salad, bread, rice, veggies. Also nibbled throughout the day -- peanut-butter crackers, Luna bar, fruit.
- Dinner: smaller; cheese ravioli and lots of wet fruit (melons, pineapple). This kind of fruit is time-release water.
- Headache started during Yizkor, but not too bad.
- Tried to break the fast with a large glass of water and a 24-ounce bottle of Diet Pepsi (and some Ibuprofin). Drank all the water, but could only get a few ounces of caffeine down. Dunno what was up with that.
- Then went to a break-fast meal; ate spinach lasagna, baked salmon, salad, and fruit. 16oz Diet Coke.
- Sunday: approx 1800 calories. Break-fast: approx 1000.
Tonight: built the sukkah, though didn't hang the lights or do furniture yet. Tomorrow. Besides, it's always good to give it a night to make sure it's really tight before hanging breakables. :-)
Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-07 09:44 pm (UTC)This year I came up against the problem that all my shoes have leather in 'em. So I wore a less comfortable (but dressier) pair of leather shoes in the evening and during the first part of the day; for the end I wore my more comfortable (but more full o' leather) sneakers.
Skipping Yizkor: In my shul, at least, the actual Yizkor service is short enough that it's possible to leave (as I did) and hang around outside the shul, and then go back inside when they return the Torah scrolls to the ark before the beginning of Musaf. Hmm, does Reform do Musaf on Yom Kippur?
Food: I ate a medium lunch, drank lots of water, then went to a vegetarian Indian all-you-can-eat place for dinner. So dinner was mainly carbohydrates, although I did get extra lentils. I think that I fast better as I get older. I got sleepy in the afternoon (the half hour nap I wanted to take turned into an hour-long nap, and that's in addition to my nodding off during the Torah reading in the "morning" services), and I felt weak, but I didn't feel really lousy like I have in some years. I think the weather helped, because I wasn't really dehydrated.
Mincha: At least your Torah reading wasn't about forbidden sexual practices, as is traditional. Actually, due to the nap noted above, I ended up missing the Torah reading at Mincha as well as the book of Jonah.
Martyrology: In my shul we had a non-traditional one. About 8 or 9 people came up and read accounts. They started with the description of Rabbi Akiva's death which is a traditional part of the martyrology, but continued with accounts of the pogrom in 1903 (100 years ago) which caused many Eastern European Jews to flee, and then going to descriptions of the 1973 Yom Kippur War (30 years ago). One woman who was 10 at the time spoke of her recollections of the war. Finally, it ended with a description of the stories of some of the people who survived the terrorist bombing in Haifa last week.
Re: Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-08 07:32 am (UTC)Apparently this varies; our rabbi reminded us on Shabbat to not wear leather. He didn't say anything about it just being shoes.
Mind, I saw lots of leather shoes in shul. The twice-a-year Jews don't show up for the Shabbat review. :-)
Isn't Tisha b'Av "no leather at all"? If so, why would the two major fasts be different in that respect?
I wouldn't be surprised to see people saying no to fur hats on Yom Kippur at some point in the future as well.
Logical consistency would seem to require that, yes. Eventually we will see a split between those who say "they didn't say fur", who will wear fur coats with their Nikes, and those who say "leather is shorthand for animal parts", who will shun both leather and fur on this day. I predict that the liberal strains of Judaism will end up with the more restrictive observance.
Hmm, does Reform do Musaf on Yom Kippur?
Nope. We don't do musaf at all. So we went from Yizkor straight into Ne'ilah. There was about a five-minute break to allow shuffling of people, which I hadn't anticipated. So I'll know for next year that I can probably skip Yizkor. I seem to fall asleep during it every year anyway, and this year was no exception.
Mincha: At least your Torah reading wasn't about forbidden sexual practices, as is traditional.
Yeah, I'll take Kedoshin over that, thanks. :-) (That's what we read from.)
Jonah is such a whiner! Every time I hear that haftarah I want to just reach out and strangle him. Fortunately, this feeling does not extend to the reader. :-)
I like the way your congregation does the martyrology. I may suggest some of those changes for next year. I just want more diversity in ours; it's not just about a couple of Roman-era rabbis and the Shoah, after all; this has been an issue throughout history. The people who died in 1903 or 1973 or the last three years or 1492 or the Crusades or... are every bit as dead, and every bit as much martyrs, as the ones we read about. Let's acknowledge that.
Re: Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-08 09:12 am (UTC)If I remember correctly (and if someone else remembers better, please let me know), the reasons for restricting the wearing of leather on Tisha b'Av and Yom Kippur are different. On Tisha b'Av, we're supposed to be in mourning - which is why we sit on the floor or low stools - and we're supposed to show no signs of celebration. Leather items are seen as better-than-normal, and are therefore a symbol of celebration. I know of people who don't wear leather belts on Tisha b'Av as well as not wearing leather shoes.
As for Yom Kippur, we're all supposed to be equal, judged solely on our merits and not on our wealth. Leather shoes are owned by the rich, the influential. But none of our wealth or our influence matters in Hashem's eyes on Yom Kippur, so we should refrain from wearing symbols of that wealth and influence.
Me? I've got a couple pairs of Converse Chuck Taylor canvas sneakers that I reserve for Yom Kippur use (though I couldn't find them this year and ended up wearing other non-leather sneakers). People in the shul I grew up in used to enjoy the dichotomy between the formal dress on my body and the bright aqua canvas sneakers on my feet.
Re: Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-08 09:22 am (UTC)People in the shul I grew up in used to enjoy the dichotomy between the formal dress on my body and the bright aqua canvas sneakers on my feet.
:-)
Re: Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-08 09:17 am (UTC)Since yizkor is after shacharit, wouldn't you go straight into mincha, not ne'ilah?
(I'm getting so confused.)
Oh, and I think Tisha B'Av is also leather shoes. It wasn't about avoiding animal products as much as avoiding comfort. Or at least, that's how I remember learning it. What it's become is another matter...
Re: Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-08 09:24 am (UTC)(I guess that would pose logistical challenges with the doubled shacharit service. It seems like everyone wants to be there for yizkor, and ne'ilah to follow, but a lot of people skip mincha and the classes. Unless they want to do yizkor twice, doing it right after shacharit would pose a challenge for people coming to the early service who wouldn't otherwise stay the day.)
Re: Yizkor timing
Date: 2003-10-08 09:36 am (UTC)Re: Yizkor timing
Date: 2003-10-08 10:04 am (UTC)Re: Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-08 10:52 am (UTC)Yes, I think it is.
why would the two major fasts be different in that respect?
Well, they're for different reasons. Tisha b'Av is more about fasting out of mourning, while Yom Kippur is more about fasting to change ourselves. But that's just off the top of my head; I'm sure that there are people who've put a lot more thought into it than I have.
Nope. We don't do musaf at all. So we went from Yizkor straight into Ne'ilah.
Hmm... Let me see if I've got this right, then:
Day of YK: Shacharit, Torah service, break, mincha, Yizkor, Ne'ila?
Interesting. In my shul we did:
Shacharit, Torah Service, Yizkor, Musaf, break, mincha,Ne'ila.
Looking at it that way, I better understand the placement of Yizkor in your services: it would be wierd to send people home right after Yizkor for a break.
I like the way your congregation does the martyrology.
I have to give all the credit to our Rabbi. The last 3 years he's prepared something slightly different each year. While I don't want to minimize the martyrs of the Shoah at all, there is another holiday which is all about remembering them; I think it's good not to turn the Yom Kippur martyrology into something all about the Shoah. Also I think it's important for Judiasm in general not to be stuck in the past. (Another sermon the Rabbi gave - about the need to remember the past, be aware of the present, and stride towards the future.)
Re: Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-08 12:20 pm (UTC)Almost. Shacharit (twice, each with Torah service), 15-minute break, mincha, long break/classes, yizkor, ne'ilah.
I wonder if we could do yizkor twice, at the end of each shacharit service. The problem with just doing it once is that the people who come to the early service have to kill a few hours, go to yizkor, and then occupy themselves until ne'ilah. (Not everyone likes mincha and the classes.) With the current setup, the early-service people are inconvenienced once but not twice. The problem with doing yizkor twice, of course, is that it's extra wear-and-tear on the rabbis and cantor.
(I wish that our space and attendance habits matched better. Doubled services suck. It's not a good use of funds to build a huge sanctuary because of all the twice-a-year Jews, but we can't all fit in one service any more. Obviously some people don't back at all after the morning service.)
Re: Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-08 07:36 pm (UTC)Monica, the fellow congregants could have been wearing shoes that only looked like leather. My new tall boots are my only completely synthetic dress shoes, so I wore them, even though they looked like a whole lotta leather to the casual observer.
Re: Leather and other sleepy thoughts...
Date: 2003-10-08 08:03 pm (UTC)