humor: ordering pizza in 2008

[cellio]

This came to me without attribution. A little glimpse in to the future:

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?"

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."

Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir."

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is sheehan@home.net. Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where'd ya get all this information?"

Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."

Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"

Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99."

Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn also."

Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."

Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday"

Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.

Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"

Comments

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

*bittersweet laughter*

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

Wow, that is really wild!

[tashabear.livejournal.com]

I have nightmares about that.

In fact, I just had a dream about time travelers, and one of the societies was very much like that.

[sethg]

"Don't you get fresh with me, Mr. Pizza Hut National Call Center Operator #531, because I know your real name is Jeremy Brown, and you live at 530 Main Street, Lincoln, Nebraska. I've got friends in Lincoln, and if they hear you weren't very nice to me on this phone call ... I keep telling them not to take these things so personally, but their temper is even worse than mine, and it would be a shame if your little brother who lives at 25 Chestnut Street were to have another accident like the one he had driving home from the Tyson Poultry Processing Center two months ago, if you catch my meaning."

Conversation between me and a friend who wishes to remain anonymous, a few weeks back:

"I really ought to read The Transparent Society one of these days.

"Well, I'm sure you can find a copy of it on the Internet somewhere."

[arib.livejournal.com]

Okay, I was drinking something... :-)

Now...

[bryguypgh.livejournal.com]

What freedoms would a better society than ours laugh at us for not having? The freedom to show female nipples on television is the first that comes to mind, but I know there are many.

Re: Now...

[cellio]

Nipples on TV is certainly one. More broadly, freedom to read, view, and listen to one's entertainment of choice without monitoring or age requirements. (Face it, kids have been reading Penthouse since the beginning, regardless of restrictions on purchase.)

I think a better society would be less worried about non-invasive use of minor recreational drugs, like marijuanna. (I mean, alcohol is legal and it probably does more damage to innocent parties.)

I hope a society will come that would laugh at us for our legal restrictions on non-standard relationships (gay, poly).

I'm sure there are more, but those are the ones that come to mind right now.

[steelwngs.livejournal.com]

Please, this is all going by the assumption that the governments records are always current. That and that all the computer systems are actually working correctly together. They must have written the entire thing in JAVA. LOL Yea, that will work.

This is also going by the assumption that the 15 year old at Pizza Hut knows how to operate a computer. LOL

This would be a lot more frightening as "Hey mom, I hacked Dad's NID card on the computer and WOW look at the stuff you can find out about him."

Re:

[cellio]

True -- and anyone who's tried to get an error on a credit report corrected can tell you what a hassle it is to deal with bad data. ("What do you mean your sewage sensors say I can't have any more meat? I haven't eaten meat in a week!" Or "that was my houseguest, not me".)

This is also going by the assumption that the 15 year old at Pizza Hut knows how to operate a computer. LOL

The 15-year-old can certainly operate a computer; it's the 50-year-old store manager I'd worry about. :-)