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leading services

I've been wondering about this for a while: how do clergy pray? Not "what mechanics do they use" or "do they pray privately" or anything like that, but rather, how do clergy who are leading services set aside the stage-management aspects enough to be able to actually pray? Or do they mostly give up, on the theory that the officiant doesn't get to personally connect while doing so?

Of course it's not always this or always that, but I do sometimes wonder, when watching my rabbi, whether he gets out of the service anywhere near as much as I do as a mere participant. When I have been the leader, I've noticed varying degrees of this, from being purely a stage manager to being just one of the daveners. It depends on the formality of the setting, my connection to the other people there, and -- somewhat -- on the presence of microphones. (I feel that a mike fundamentally changes your role with respect to the other people. That one time I was leading services at Tree of Life during a power outage, I was actually glad that we were forced to all work together a little harder. And it's not like I can't make myself heard in a moderate-sized room...)

In our Shabbat morning minyan, the service practically runs itself and if the rabbi has to leave early we just keep going. This Shabbat that happened (unexpectedly); he looked at me and said "torah service?", I said "yes", and I led it while he left. (The torah reader, who would normally get dibs on this, had a sore throat and was trying to conserve word-count.) No problems there. When, last summer, the worship committee jointly led a Friday-night service (both rabbis were out of town), I spent the service feeling like I was herding cats and didn't really pray. (This is not a comment on the other people; it is a comment on the nature of group efforts.) Another time I and one other very-competent person led the Friday service and it went better, but I was still mindful of the fact that I was up on a bima with a mike in front of a congregation that wasn't fully participating. I think, though I haven't done it yet, that when I lead shacharit services at Tree of Life I'll just be one of the louder daveners, and that'll be kind of neat. Of course, I'm also confident that if I mis-step, half a dozen people will jump in to correct me. :-)

But to an extent, every person leading a service is paying attention to some meta-issues. How are we doing for time? Is the person with the next aliya ready to walk up here? What happened to the person who's supposed to read the announcements when I'm done with this prayer? Do we read tachanun today? And so on. I find myself wondering how often people who make a career of this really pray, as opposed to leading prayer. And while I'm talking here about Jewish prayer, I imagine the question generalizes to other religions.

Occasionally my rabbi and I will be the only ones who show up for a weekday service. (This happened this past week.) When that happens we just drop into Hebrew and go, independently for the Amidah per tradition rather than in unison as is common in the Reform movement. And he always thanks me for the opportunity when we're done.

One of these days I'll get around to asking my rabbi about this. I'll probably ask this summer during the sh'liach k'hilah program, too. It would be pretty frustrating if the people who are so committed to religion that they're willing to make a career of it are the ones who are least likely to be able to pray effectively during services!

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I can relate. Once upon a time I was called upon to provide flute music for some Yom Kippur services (obviously reform) through CMU Hillel. And while I enjoyed the experience as a performer, I felt a tad deprived of the Yom Kippur experience to which I was accustomed.

On the other hand, whenever I have led a prayer in front of a congregation I have felt the same connection that I had sitting in my seat. But then, I have never had to run the whole thing, so perhaps that doesn't prove anything.

Perhaps that is why there are committees to take over the 'herding cats' aspects of synagogue business, so the rabbi can give over more of his/her mind to the prayers and connection with God. Perhaps the 'herding cats' aspects become second nature to a rabbi and no longer interfere with the rabbi's experience as a davener after a while.

On the other hand, maybe there's something else to be gotten out of it. It's a mitzvah to provide an opportunity for someone else to do a mitzvah, to say "Amen" to another Jew's prayer, and to pray so that other Jews can say "Amen." So maybe the 'herding cats' aspects become another type of worship, and give another feeling of connection. At least, I like to think so.

I think I will ask my rabbi what she thinks of this question. Do I have your permission to quote you in my email to her?

I wonder about that a bit as well. From my limited experience, I know that I can become distracted if I'm on the altar for some reason. I've been so distracted by (usually worrying about) whatever job I have to do that I lose track of what is going on. I've also gone the other way and become so engrossed in the service that I have forgotten that I'm supposed to be doing a job. I suspect that the rarity of the situation affects this. I am not in a position that places me up there for any length of time. I suspect that those who lead services regularly eventually develop patterns so there are times when they can function more as leaders and times when they can bring themselves deeper into prayer.

I'd like to forward this to my father (Retired C Rabbi); I'm curious what he would have to say about the subject.

Personally, I've never gotten the kavanah out of leading services that I do from praying; during the Torah service at Naamah's Bat Mitzva I was a combination of nervous about my own Aliyah (my first in many years, and my first ever in a "real" shul) and proud of all the family members who helped celebrate the occasion.

BTW, your comment about you and your rabbi praying together in Hebrew when it's just the two of you at services reminds me of the time that I was the only one to show up for an exercise class; the instructor and I had a great workout that would not have been possible if members not ready to graduate from the "exercise for sedentary blobs" classes had been present.

It's also similar to the feeling kids have the first time they're moved up into the Gifted classes...

From discussions with one of our our ministers, I think she's come to the conclusion that there is too much going on to be able to worship effectively while leading. I know that she deals with some of that from other occasions to worship: occasionally sitting in the congregation of another denomination's mid-week service, or when she's at a conference that has worship.

I also encounter the same type of thing as an organist. I'm too busy thinking "what's the next piece of music?" "is it on piano or organ?" "when should I move to the other instrument?" "does the person leading the psalm remember that there's a sung refrain this morning?" etc., etc., ad nauseum.

In other places, there's often been a service with no music (or a service with music for which I wasn't responsible) earlier in the morning, which I've used to worship, before I help others to worship. When I can (which isn't often), I go to a said service here at a church down the street (where I grew up). That said, it's not entirely satisfactory, as I find there's something really missing without the music. Makes me wish I was in a city, where I could find a church which offered Evensong in the afteroon or something, so I could get that aspect in my own worship.

Not sure exactly how much any of this will transfer between the faiths, but there it is...

Personally, I think my kavannah is actually better when I'm leading a service, but that's probably a sign of how bad my kavannah is most of the time ... the feeling of obligation to the whole community, not just myself, makes me take my job a little more seriously.

There's a great short story, "Neilah in Gehenna" -- I can't remember the author's name, unfortunately -- that touches on a chazzan's relationship to his community. I don't want to say more about it because I don't want to give away the ending, but look for it.

(I feel that a mike fundamentally changes your role with respect to the other people. That one time I was leading services at Tree of Life during a power outage, I was actually glad that we were forced to all work together a little harder. And it's not like I can't make myself heard in a moderate-sized room...)

David Mamet wrote an essay called "Against Amplification", where he told actors that if they can't make themselves heard clearly in a thousand-seat auditorium, they don't belong on stage.

But to an extent, every person leading a service is paying attention to some meta-issues. How are we doing for time? Is the person with the next aliya ready to walk up here? What happened to the person who's supposed to read the announcements when I'm done with this prayer? Do we read tachanun today? And so on.

In almost every Orthodox shul I've davened in, there's a division of labor between the ba`al tefillah, who davens, and the gabbai, who picks people for aliyot. (And Artscroll, which tells us whether or not we're saying tachanun. :-) Do Reform congregations not have this?

That's a good question.

I have a feeling that for a Rabbi, some of it comes down to practice: you get to a point where you concentrate on your own amidah, and do it quickly, and then come up for air and start worrying about the other stuff.

I don't lead services, but I am a coordinator for my minyan right now, and so I'm responsible (or meta-responsible) for a lot of the mechanics of the services. I certainly don't get to pay as much attention to the Torah service as I'd like when I'm "in charge", because I'm aware (and worrying) about the fact that the person who's reading the 6th aliyah hasn't shown up yet, and wondering who to give the various honors to, and also keeping track of time because the kiddush coordinator needs a hand or two setting things up... I'm glad that I've been able to help out my minyan, but there are aspects of being in charge that I won't miss when my term ends in October.

But then, I have never had to run the whole thing, so perhaps that doesn't prove anything.

Or maybe you just have good kavanah to begin with! Could be either.

Perhaps the 'herding cats' aspects become second nature to a rabbi and no longer interfere with the rabbi's experience as a davener after a while.

That makes sense. I would hope that this becomes easier over time, now that you point it out.

Do I have your permission to quote you in my email to her?

Sure, feel free! Or give her the URL if that's easier. It's a public entry. I'll be interested in hearing her perspective.

>> In almost every Orthodox shul I've davened in, there's a division of labor between the ba`al tefillah, who davens, and the gabbai, who picks people for aliyot.

This is my experience as well, and in the shuls I've attended there is someone different serving as baal tfillah for every service. So the lack of kavanah, if that's what happens, gets passed around. :)

Good point about people who do this all the time developing patterns to let themselves have some personal prayer time.

Personally, I believe it would be very difficult for me to be in a position of leading the congregation. I don't generally go to shul except for Shabbos; I daven at home, have a couple of spots where I usually stand, etc. It's much easier to concentrate there. I like to go to shul on Shabbos, esp. to hear the leyning, but frankly I find it harder to daven there.

I'll be interested in hearing what your father has to say.

The first time I read torah I was very nervous, and that definitely affected things. I was surprised that I also felt a strong connection that I can't really put into words, given that. It was unexpected. I still get nervous when reading torah, of course (I haven't done it that many times), but I'm getting better. An interesting thing happened with leading part of the service Saturday -- the torah service itself has always been my weakest part, and when I know I'm going to lead it I practice at home and still manage to worry about it. Saturday there was no time for any of that and I just did it. I should thank my rabbi for dropping me into the deep end there. :-)

the instructor and I had a great workout that would not have been possible if members not ready to graduate from the "exercise for sedentary blobs" classes had been present.

Good point. I imagine that sort of thing would apply to a broad spectrum of activities. ("Exercise for sendentary blobs" made me laugh. :-) )

I think a fair bit of it does transfer between faiths. Whether you're the service leader yourself or another key participant (organist, cantor, deacon, altar boy, whatever), you're going to have to pay attention to your job in a way that would seem to interfere with actually participating in the service.

I'm sorry you don't have more options locally. Does music make the difference for you in those other services, or specifically instrumental music? I'm wondering if a service with a cantor or small choir or something, but no organ, would fit your needs better, and whether you'd have any chance of getting such a thing at your own congregation. (Obviously if it requires organ music that doesn't help you at all, so I'm looking for an option where you wouldn't automatically have to participate.)

I'll look for "Neilah in Gehenna"; thanks.

In almost every Orthodox shul I've davened in, there's a division of labor between the ba`al tefillah, who davens, and the gabbai, who picks people for aliyot. (And Artscroll, which tells us whether or not we're saying tachanun. :-) Do Reform congregations not have this?

I can't speak for other Reform congregations. We do have non-rabbinic people who are responsible for assigning other parts of the service, but that doesn't mean that the rabbi isn't going to worry about it when it's time for the next aliya and no one seems to be walking up. That's the phenomenon I was commenting on. Though I suppose if he can just shoot a questioning look to the gabbai that makes things easier. (We rotate this responsibility among people for the bigger services, so that particular aspect would be harder for our rabbis. I'm sort of the "default gabbai" for the Shabbat morning minyan.)

Years ago, I was a gabbai, which played into my natural tendencies towards using time well, making sure there was a minyan as on time as I could make it, and that things flowed smoothly, at a good pace, also setting up for kiddush :-). And in reading the other replies to your post, I think I've figured out some of what is making it harder for me to daven with a minyan these days: I know I could do a much better job (if there weren't mechitzah issues and suchlike). When I first started going to this minyan, there were excellent gabbaim, and there has been a real slide in quality the last five years, unfortunately. So my personal davening doesn't work as well when the gabbaim aren't doing their jobs.

From what I remember of when I used to lead services (half a lifetime ago), I wasn't able to focus on davening as well when I was leading, but some of that was definitely a function of (lack of) age and experience.

in the shuls I've attended there is someone different serving as baal tfillah for every service

I wish that were the case more often in my community. In the synagogues I frequent, there seems to be an expectation among the congregants that leading services is part of the rabbi's job (and/or that no one else is qualified). I know that in many Orthodox congregations the rabbi is not the one who leads most of the time, but for some reason Conservative and Reform congregations haven't broken through that yet, at least around here.

I wrote something about the reasons for this about a year ago, which I think is before you were reading my journal.

I have a feeling that for a Rabbi, some of it comes down to practice

This makes sense. Thanks for pointing it out.

I have a position vaguely similar to yours in our morning minyan. We've distributed some of the workload: each week there is a different person who is responsible for the torah service, which means reading torah, leading that part of the service or getting someone else to do so, giving a short d'var torah, and choosing people for aliyot etc. Since each person has to do it only once every couple months it's not a big burden; my job is to make sure there are people and that they do their jobs. This doesn't stop me from worrying a little bit when the designated person is late, of course. :-) (In case you're wondering, pretty much all of the support work for this falls to me: I give people photocopies from the tikkun if they don't already have one, roll the torah to the right spot, sometimes tutor a little, and so on. I'm not yet competent to make tapes, so I send 'em to the rabbi for that if they want to lein and don't know how to read the trope. However, we've also developed a culture of "it's ok to just read", so this doesn't happen a lot. People who want to lein learn how; people who don't just read.)

Having to conform to someone else's expectations/timetable does affect davening, yes. The flip side of that for me is that the group also provides a level of support; if I'm clumsy with the Hebrew on some parts it's easier to lean on the ba'al t'filah, and so on. But shul also provides distractions, like the guy whose senses of pitch and prounciation are "special" (the Conservative minyan I attend has one of those), and kids running around, and stuff like that.

So my personal davening doesn't work as well when the gabbaim aren't doing their jobs.

Good point. It's probably painful for anyone who does (or has done) a job to stand by quietly when less-skilled (or less-experienced) people do the same job. On the one hand, if you don't cultivate more people who can and will do the job then the minyan eventually dies out for lack of support; on the other hand, you have to resist the strong urge to help them against their will. :-)

That said, I'm glad that my rabbi is willing to tolerate me being one of those less-experienced people who does stuff anyway.

The minyan is run, for the most part, by undergrads, and the particular people change every year, so there's always the learning curve, and no pay-back. I don't know why in years past we were able to find such talented gabbaim who already knew what was needed, but the candidates today don't have the knack.

It would be a lot less annoying if the same thoughtless things didn't seem to happen year after year, which then becomes "how we do it" in enough people's minds.

Gabbai-ing seems akin to hosting, to me. Some hosts are very meticulous about thinking things out in advance, while others are more improvisational...

We've distributed some of the workload:

Oh, yeah, the workload for my minyan is quite distributed. First of all, we only meet twice a month. And then I'm only "on duty" once every three times (because there are two other meta-coordinators). And there's a two-year term limit, so I'm almost done. (Complicating matters is the fact that I'm also the greeting coordinator, so I need to get a greeter every time we meet. Which reminds me, I need someone for this coming shabbat.)

Distraction is more of a problem for me than the timetable. I can read Hebrew well enough to keep up with the baal tfillah, and Artscroll has the transition points nicely marked. But it's a lot harder to shut out distractions/outside stimuli in shul. I also have a weird blip in my sense of hearing that makes it difficult for me to zero in on what I want to hear if there are other sources of noise in the vicinity (other people talking, air currents moving window hangings, crowd noise from another room, kids playing, street traffic, etc). It does help if I choose where I sit carefully, but I have to work much harder to have kavanah in my davening. I often don't get there. Well, I don't get there at home either, but it is easier there.

What you wrote last year is interesting -- thanks for pointing me towards it.

For a few months in 1999, I was going to a Conservative synagogue every Saturday morning. The place was pretty much a bar mitzvah factory -- I know this sounds terrible, but I think there was only one Shabbos out of the 12-15 or so I was there that did not feature a bar mitzvah -- and it seemed to be expected that the bar mitzvah boy would lead davening as well as leyning. That said, it was still quite obvious that the rabbi was the one directing traffic up in front.

It sounds like that service was pretty much owned by the bar-mitzvah families, rather than by the congregation. We have one of those too -- almost every week we have a Shabbat morning service that features a bar or bat mitzvah, and on weeks when there's no bar/bat mitzvah the service isn't held. There is no regular, consistent community for that service; most people don't go unless they know the family. This is part of why our morning minyan exists; we are a community, and we like it that way. I guess some time in the congregation's history they decided to just throw a bone to the bar-mitzvah families and gave them the 10:30 service; I don't know. I much prefer the approach that integrates a bar mitzvah into a community service; after all, it's not really supposed to be about the kid to the exclusion of all else. Unfortunately, inertia is strong, so it's easier for the community (or subset of it that cares) to just go elsewhere (our own service) than it is to fix the real problem.

The minyan is run, for the most part, by undergrads, and the particular people change every year, so there's always the learning curve, and no pay-back.

Oh. Ouch. Yeah, I don't know what to do in cases where people don't stick around for a while after they learn the job.

Gabbai-ing seems akin to hosting, to me.

That's a good analogy. It is, after all, about balancing various people's needs and desires while making an experience that is fulfilling for everyone.

In an ideal world, students would start going to the minyan regularly in their first two years. At the end of Sophomore year, they'd have learned the (good) behaviors of the minyan and be picked as Gabbais by the outgoing Seniors, and then serve as Gabbais for two years. Add in a mix of Gabbais who are Seniors and Juniors, and you have a form of continuity. Of course, in practice things are rarely this clear cut...

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