cellio | Christmas and Chanukah

Two takes on multiculturalism and December holidays, both written by liberal Jews, with rather different stances: one from JBCs (Jews by Choice) and one from the Velveteen Rabbi. I myself tend more toward the former; when we try to combine holidays with the goal of better interfaith relations, I think we weaken both. Christmas is the second most important day on the Christian calendar; it should be important and solemn for those who believe, and not be treated as somehow equivalent to a minor Jewish holiday commemorating, of all things, a victory over assimilation. (Think about that irony for a minute.) If I find myself in the midst of Christian affirmation, which to me includes everything from a mass down to singing Handel's Messiah, they should do their thing and I should withdraw [1]. We shouldn't have to compromise on "Frosty the Snowman" or a theme of light in the darkest days of winter.

Cross-religion education is a good thing, and I think most people would welcome serious inquiries from people of different faiths if they want to know more (or even attend services or other rituals). I've certainly participated on both sides of that and seen no problems. But I think we should remember that our religions are separate; they have different emphases and that's ok. We don't have to agree, and we don't have to try to build a lowest common denominator.

To my Christian friends, I wish you the best in your season of holiness now under way, as I know you wish similar things for me during the high holy days and at other times. I'm not offended by your observance of your religion; you don't need to water it down. Besides, the dreidel song is really insipid; please don't feel obligated on my account.

(Mind, I would have a different reaction to celebrations in a setting that's supposed to be neutral, like a public school or a place of (secular) employment. But that's not what I'm talking about here.)

[1] Some do not see a problem with things like singing Messiah. We all draw the "worship" line in different places.

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So... when someone wishes you a merry Christmas, what do you do?

Once upon a time I took offense and said, "actually, I'm Jewish," leaving the other person feeling all embarrassed. Then I realized that that was silly; the other person wanted me to enjoy their holiday, and what was wrong with that? So I tried to respond in kind and say, "Thank you, and I hope you have a very happy Chanukah too." and this led to their having the "um, I'm not Jewish" reaction" that left me abashedly mumbling, "So? Have a nice one anyway." Kind of like all the times I tried to wish everyone a happy new year in September. :-)

It's sort of like the dilemma I have about presents. If I were to give you a Chanukah present, it would be mutually understood. If a Christian gives another Christian a Christmas present, again, the mutual understanding is there.

But if I give a present at Chanukah to a Christian friend, is it best to call it a Chanukah present (specifically highlighting giving and not receiving as the tradition) or a Christmas present (honoring the predilection of the recipient?) Calling it a winter-holiday present feels sorta... null.

So... when someone wishes you a merry Christmas, what do you do?

I generally assume that "merry Christmas" has taken on the same role as "have a nice day" (now escalated to "have a great day" in many places) -- a rote greeting that usually does not pass through the deliberation phase of the brain on the way to the mouth. It's December, and that's something a lot of people just say in December. I used to respond in the ways you talked about, but I've come to the conclusion that the cashier at the grocery store doesn't really care, and the socially-correct response is along the lines of "same to you". For someone I'm closer to, where it would be appropriate to drop the "actually I'm not" hint, I'll say something different.

I usually side-step the gift thing by just handing the person the package and saying "I'd like you to have this". :-) Or, if it's my parents, it's pretty clear that it's a Christmas celebration so shrug, but if they can keep the family get-together Jesus-free on my account, I can at least admire their tree and not be unhappy if there are reindeer on the gift-wrap.

I agree. It's just a rote greeting. It's the same kind of thing as when someone says how are you. I assume they want the rote reply of fine, not a real answer. When I was a freshman in college, I wrote an English paper on these types of phrases. That was about 30 years ago, so I don't remember exactly what I put in the paper. I wonder if I still have it somewhere.

Just before Thanksgiving, I took to saying ,em>Have a nice holiday to the patrons. I figure if most people are off work, it's a holiday. I plan to do the same right before Christmas.

I generally assume that "merry Christmas" has taken on the same role as "have a nice day"

You know why Christians promote Christmas so heavily? Misery loves company, that's why. (Only half joking.)

"But if I give a present at Chanukah to a Christian friend, is it best to call it a Chanukah present (specifically highlighting giving and not receiving as the tradition) or a Christmas present (honoring the predilection of the recipient?)"

It's a little complicated and perhaps a bit long to fit into a comment, but the starting place for my answer is that the act of giving the gift is the element that honours the tradition, so in general you would give me a Channukah gift and I would give you a Christmas gift, and accepting each other's gifts would be a sign that we respect each other's holidays and traditions, not that we felt we had to participate in each other's celebrations. But if we were personally so close to each other that we might want to share each other's holiday traditions, then I might give you a Channukah gift or you give me a Christmas gift and have it come across as "sweet" instead of strange. Absent such a close personal relationship, that would feel a little odd.

OTOH, sometimes, "I got you a [Christmas|Channukah] gift, but I'm giving it to you today so that it can serve as a [Channukah|Christmas] present as well" works. I'm not sure I can quite put my finger on what makes that work or not (relationship-wise, that is; other than how the calendars happen to line up in any given year)

There was one time I received a Taoist Christmas present, but that was a deliciously ironic accident rather than an attempt to bridge two traditions.

Christmas and Chanukah

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