names

[cellio]

This weekend I met Jon the Baptist. Ok, maybe I should back up.

I am really horrid at remembering people's names -- that is, the name-face association. I learn them eventually, of course, but it takes me longer than it should. It's just as well I didn't go into any sort of dealing-with-the-public career (including, sadly, congregational rabbi). This is an essential skill in those fields.

I've had the "trick" explained to me: find some feature that's unusual enough to remember, and then find some association that, through the wonders of word play, helps connect the name to that feature. The most graphic illustration of this came when someone was telling me how she remembers Peggy's name; her hair and the shape of her face reminded the person who was telling me this of Miss Piggy, and Piggy sounds like Peggy. Mind, this isn't the sort of thing I would tell Peggy. But it worked; I will never forget Peggy's name unless she drastically changes her appearance.

But I can't come up with this stuff. I wish I were more creative, or that more people had truly distinguishing features. Instead, I have to settle for asking people to tell me their names several times until plain old memorization does its thing. And if I meet someone out of context, it's even harder. (I once ran into a rabbi I know at the grocery store. Yeah, rabbis shop too, of course, but he was out of uniform and out of the usual context, and it took me a moment to recognize him. It was the kippah that did it.)

In the last couple weeks I've met three people that I'm trying really hard to remember. (Also some new coworkers, but there are more tools available to help there.) Two of them are named Scott, and maybe that will help. They're both professors, too. But in neither case have I made an association with any physical characteristic. Maybe that's my problem -- I remember that Jack is the physics professor from Berkeley I met at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar, but none of that helps me remember what Jack looks like. I can remember all sorts of sometimes-useless details, but not the face to go with them.

Which brings us to Jon the Baptist -- because his name is Jonathan and he grew up in a Baptist congregation, though he's currently looking elsewhere. And, um, he's tall, and somehow I always pictured John the Baptist as tall, though I have no idea why and it might be that all biblical guys are tall (except Jonah, who I always pictured as kind of a runt). And this is the best I can do, and it's pathetic.

The sad thing is that I know I had this problem at an early age -- this isn't senility -- yet even though it was obvious I had this deficiency, I somehow never learned how to fix it from my teachers or parents. I can remember all sorts of useless stuff, like phone numbers of places I no longer live and details of talmudic arguments that will never touch my life directly, but I can't remember the stuff that's important in my day-to-day life. Drives me nuts.

I just hope Jon forgives me when I accidentally call him Scott. Or whatever.

Comments

[siderea]

The problem is that H. sapiens all look alike. I don't know how they^Dwe tell one another apart. :D

[cellio]

Well, there are a couple broad categories. I probably won't mistake Jon for Peggy. :-) (Though this doesn't mean there aren't people out there that are ambiguous...)

[gnomi.livejournal.com]

There are a number of friends of mine that my mom has met only a couple of times but that I mention periodically in conversation with her. They have various epithets associated with them that will plant them in my mom's mind in ways that their names alone won't. So, for instance, there is "Michele of the cakes" (because when my mother first met her, she was carrying large cakes) and "Martha on the couch" to differentiate her from some of the other Marthas I know (and because she spent a memorable weekend at my parents' house, spending much of it asleep on my parents' couch). So "Jon the Baptist" resonated for me.

[jeannegrrl.livejournal.com]

My Dad does something similar. He'll make up a silly nonsense rhyme like for one of my sister's friends, he called her "Cindy Arabindi" (Arabindu was some Hindu religious dude my Uncle was into...). Another, he called "Metaphysical Bob" because of the type of conversation they had when they first met....

[cellio]

I like "Metaphysical Bob". My father used to sometimes make up silly names for our friends when we were little; I lived in mortal fear that they would find out. :-)

[cellio]

I use descriptors when talking about people that the other person hasn't met. For example, when talking with Dani about work I've mentioned "Sean the QA guy", "Barb the perky receptionist" (not fair as she's much much more, but if he calls that's the role he'll encounter her in), "the other Eric" ("Eric" is my boss; there's a second one who's not), and so on. I rarely try for last names. :-)

For other than mnemonic reasons...

[profane-stencil.livejournal.com]

I've used codenames for years, first out of necessity (a thin-walled apartment forced my wife and me to come up with alternate names for our neighbors so we could talk about them), later out of habit (or amusement). At the moment, nearly everyone I have a professional relationship with has a codename, and I've yet to slip up and actually say one out loud at the wrong time.

My newest codename is for an associate who looks amazingly like the main character from The Nightmare Before Christmas- with skin and hair, of course. I'm having a hard time remembering his real name, and my wife has warned me to quit referring to him as "Jack," because she's concerned I may call him that to his face. (As if I would be the first...)

Re: For other than mnemonic reasons...

[psu-jedi.livejournal.com]

and my wife has warned me to quit referring to him as "Jack," because she's concerned I may call him that to his face.

I have a horror story of sorts. A group of friends I knew in college included two guys named Terry. When the Terrys weren't around, the group referred to one as "Shify-eyed Terry" and the other was called just "Terry." Well, enter new guy, Brad. Brad didn't realize that "SE" Terry was only called that when he wasn't around, so the first time he met "SE" Terry he said, "Oh! You're Shifty-Eyed Terry! Nice to meet you!" Of course the rest of the friends who were there were doing a big ol' "D'oh!"

Re: For other than mnemonic reasons...

[cellio]

*laugh* Served 'em right for not warning the new guy, but still...

Re: For other than mnemonic reasons...

[cellio]

and my wife has warned me to quit referring to him as "Jack," because she's concerned I may call him that to his face

Sounds like something to be on the lookout for, yes. On the other hand, as you said, you probably wouldn't be the first.

[patsmor.livejournal.com]

I am, as you will know from personal experience, extraordinarily bad at linking names and faces, even with people I've conversed with "electronically" for years. And I've been this way for ever -- I guess I didn't get this part of the "super salesman" gene from my dad.

My "salvation" if you will is to tell people when I meet them, "Y'know, I'm dreadful at remembering names, even tho I recall faces pretty well -- please don't be offended if I ask your name several times!"

People seem to take it pretty well.

hugs!

[cellio]

I am, as you will know from personal experience, extraordinarily bad at linking names and faces, even with people I've conversed with "electronically" for years.

That's an area where I would think this kind of screw-up would be most normal, though. I mean, people don't tend to look like their email addresses, and if that's the best identifier you've got... either you're someone who fabricates a visualization for the person (which will be wrong if you've never seen a picture) or you don't do visualizations and will have trouble retro-fitting one later.

How about this: next time we meet I won't hold it against you if you don't recognize me if you won't hold it against me. Deal? :-)

[lyev.livejournal.com]

If you are curious about the foibles of memory, you might want to check out Daniel Schacter's "The Seven Sins of Memory". I have trouble putting information into an appropriate hook or pointer to set the context. As in, I'll remember names, definitely will remember faces of people I meet, but it's a major effort to connect the correct name with the correct face ;-)

[cellio]

Thanks for the pointer!

And then, sometimes, there's the problem of realizing you never knew the name, like that time when a congregant and I ran into you on the street and I realized that I didn't know your first name (and thought your SCA name might not be the best choice in that setting).