names

[cellio]

This weekend I met Jon the Baptist. Ok, maybe I should back up.

I am really horrid at remembering people's names -- that is, the name-face association. I learn them eventually, of course, but it takes me longer than it should. It's just as well I didn't go into any sort of dealing-with-the-public career (including, sadly, congregational rabbi). This is an essential skill in those fields.

I've had the "trick" explained to me: find some feature that's unusual enough to remember, and then find some association that, through the wonders of word play, helps connect the name to that feature. The most graphic illustration of this came when someone was telling me how she remembers Peggy's name; her hair and the shape of her face reminded the person who was telling me this of Miss Piggy, and Piggy sounds like Peggy. Mind, this isn't the sort of thing I would tell Peggy. But it worked; I will never forget Peggy's name unless she drastically changes her appearance.

But I can't come up with this stuff. I wish I were more creative, or that more people had truly distinguishing features. Instead, I have to settle for asking people to tell me their names several times until plain old memorization does its thing. And if I meet someone out of context, it's even harder. (I once ran into a rabbi I know at the grocery store. Yeah, rabbis shop too, of course, but he was out of uniform and out of the usual context, and it took me a moment to recognize him. It was the kippah that did it.)

In the last couple weeks I've met three people that I'm trying really hard to remember. (Also some new coworkers, but there are more tools available to help there.) Two of them are named Scott, and maybe that will help. They're both professors, too. But in neither case have I made an association with any physical characteristic. Maybe that's my problem -- I remember that Jack is the physics professor from Berkeley I met at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar, but none of that helps me remember what Jack looks like. I can remember all sorts of sometimes-useless details, but not the face to go with them.

Which brings us to Jon the Baptist -- because his name is Jonathan and he grew up in a Baptist congregation, though he's currently looking elsewhere. And, um, he's tall, and somehow I always pictured John the Baptist as tall, though I have no idea why and it might be that all biblical guys are tall (except Jonah, who I always pictured as kind of a runt). And this is the best I can do, and it's pathetic.

The sad thing is that I know I had this problem at an early age -- this isn't senility -- yet even though it was obvious I had this deficiency, I somehow never learned how to fix it from my teachers or parents. I can remember all sorts of useless stuff, like phone numbers of places I no longer live and details of talmudic arguments that will never touch my life directly, but I can't remember the stuff that's important in my day-to-day life. Drives me nuts.

I just hope Jon forgives me when I accidentally call him Scott. Or whatever.

Comments

[cellio]

I am, as you will know from personal experience, extraordinarily bad at linking names and faces, even with people I've conversed with "electronically" for years.

That's an area where I would think this kind of screw-up would be most normal, though. I mean, people don't tend to look like their email addresses, and if that's the best identifier you've got... either you're someone who fabricates a visualization for the person (which will be wrong if you've never seen a picture) or you don't do visualizations and will have trouble retro-fitting one later.

How about this: next time we meet I won't hold it against you if you don't recognize me if you won't hold it against me. Deal? :-)