cellio | interviewed by patsmor

I think I have given questions to everyone who asked (except the person who asked for a second round; I'll get to you), and that I have now answered all pending questions. If I missed someone either way, please let me know! My LJ mail has been a little wacky at times over the last few days, so I may have missed something. If you still want to jump in, speak up.

1. What fault do you work on the hardest? And are you being successful?

Being more considerate of, and sensitive to, those around me. I think I've had some success, though it's the sort of thing that can always use more work.

I talked about some related issues in my answer to Siderea's second question.

2. Would you ever want to live in a segregated community of observant Jews?

"Ever" is a long time, but for the foreseeable future I'd have to say no. Living among observant Jews certainly has advantages, such as having the necessary support structures, but it's also an invitation to be judged by one's neighbors, and I don't like the nosiness that would entail. There are a lot of folks who have a "one true way" view of Judaism, who would judge that may way is "wrong", and the odds of having one as a neighbor are not insignificant. My belief and my practice are between me, God, and my rabbi, unless I ask for help from others.

There is also the problem that I do not fit the mold of a woman within the Orthodox world, and there will certainly be a large number of Orthodox in an observant community. I'm not ready to live in a community where women are assumed to be mothers (usually of the stay-at-home variety); the conversation and social opportunities are just lousy for me. That was the single most frustrating aspect of a weekend I spent in Passaic once; I had much more in common with the men than the women, but the norms of the community called for a lot of gender segregation.

Now if we were talking about a community populated by my rabbi and his family, his students, and other members of our congregation and movement, that might be different. :-)

3. What is your next goal in the SCA?

Oh that's tough, because I've been sort of falling back from the SCA recently. My goals are beyond what I can implement, because they involve fundamental reform at the corporate level and in the structure of officers. That's not going to happen. A personal goal of being able to have fun without the bozos getting in the way is a little vague and unstructured.

At a very specific level, I would like to cook another feast. This requires a Sunday event, though, due to Shabbat issues. (It also requires an autocrat willing to hold a donation-funded event, because I don't donate my labor to anyone who would declare me a freeloader while I do so.)

In a different vein, continued improvements to our Pennsic campsite are high on the list. Pennsic is the biggest thing I do in the SCA right now, and I'd like us to all be comfortable. :-)

4. Have you ever lived anywhere but Pittsburgh?

That depends on whether suburbs count. :-)

Actually, I was born in California, but we moved to Pennsylvania when I was three so I don't remember a lot. (I have vivid memories of the inside of our house and none at all about anything outside that space.) I grew up in a small suburb of Pittsburgh, which is geographically near but culturally far from the city. (Can you say homogenous?) I lived in another suburb for several years, but it was really just an extension of the city so that didn't feel different.

5. What makes you feel worthy of being loved?

Oh wow. Good question!

Love is part of living in community and interacting with other people. I feel worthy of consideration, respect, and love because I am part of a community of people who collectively value such things and try to give as well as take. It's interesting, actually -- I feel an obligation to assume that others are worthy of these things (each of which is prerequisite for the next, IMO) just by virtue of their being human beings, but I also feel that I must earn that treatment from others beyond some basic cursory level. I guess what I really feel is that every human has the potential to be worthy of love, respect, and consideration, and I'll assume someone is until he shows that he's not. On the other hand, I can't demand that assumption of others, so I'd better make myself worthy.

Why am I, personally, worthy of the love that some people who know me have? Because we have built relationships; I care about them and they care about me, and we strive to show love to each other. Sometimes we screw up, and the slighted person -- banking on the body of good will built up so far -- will assume that it was a mistake and not a deliberate action. (Conversation and reconcilliation may happen.) The same is true for respect and consideration; this isn't just about love.

Why am I worthy of that default assumption of worthiness from others? Because I am a decent human being who tries to do good for those around me. Because my behavior merits it. But this is a default case; no one should love me just based on casual encounters, but if he looks favorably on me from those casual encounters then we can get to know each other and have a real basis.

I am worthy of love because I give love. I am worthy of respect because I give respect. When someone with whom I thought I had a mutually-respectful relationship freaks out over something and goes away in a snit instead of discussing what happened, I feel that the fundamental principles of the relationship have been unilaterally voided. That doesn't make me any less worthy; it just means there was a judgement error somewhere.

interviewed by patsmor

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