a very sad day

[cellio]

When I arrived at my synagogue Sunday night for Shavuot, services were still going. (I had failed to make the beginning, so I was aiming for the late-night study.) The synagogue director intercepted me in the lobby. "I need to talk to you before you go in there." I was puzzled.

She told me that Steve Roth, a member of our congregation and the CEO of the company I've worked at for the last four years, died suddenly that afternoon. This is a real shock! The timing is especially sad as, after two or three decades in the field, he was about to see all his research and development efforts bear real fruit.

This news made me sad Sunday night, but I was able to somehow build a little fence around it and contain it for the duration of the evening. I'd occasionally wondered how hard it is to not mourn on a festival (or Shabbat); now I have some insight into that. Several of the people who stayed for torah study knew him, so I wasn't the only one struggling with this.

This morning during Yizkor (the memorial service said four times a year, including on Shavuot) it really hit me. My rabbi talked about him, and about the tragedy of the timing (among things, his son was being confirmed that night), and even though he didn't eulogize (he was talking more generally) I found it very hard to fight back tears. Steve was a colleague but not someone I actively considered a friend, but still, it hurts. I expect the funeral tomorrow to be a real challenge.

My manager called in the morning to give me the news. I had intended to save him the heartache of delivering the news by telling him I already knew, but something in his voice told me that he was about to deliver carefully-prepared words and I shouldn't derail him. So I didn't.

I managed to somehow set this aside for most of the day and evening, acknowledging the sadness without being affected by it. Tonight, as I read the day's email from work, it hit me again. This is not going to be easy.

Edit: Obituary.

Comments

[zachkessin.livejournal.com]

Baruch Dayan Emet.

[psu-jedi.livejournal.com]

Monica, I'm so sorry to hear this news. *hugs*

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[schulman.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[zare-k.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear this.

[cahwyguy.livejournal.com]

You have my deepest condolences.

[sekhmets-song.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry.
Even when it isn't someone who you were especially close to, it is never easy dealing with a death.
*hugs*

[siderea]

How terrible! My condolences.

[dr-zrfq.livejournal.com]

Oh, good gracious. I am *so* sorry to hear that. My condolences to you, to his family, and to everyone at your office and your shul. Some things may suck more than this, but not too many and none by much.

[profane-stencil.livejournal.com]

This must be very rough. You have my sympathy.

[miz-hatbox.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. Please accept my condolences.

[grouchyoldcoot.livejournal.com]

My condolences as well, Monica. I spoke to J earlier this evening, and he's obviously very effected. It is a brutal, pointless tragedy to lose someone like Steve so suddenly.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Baruch dayan emet.

[jeannegrrl.livejournal.com]

Oh I'm sorry.

[rani23.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

[hopeness.livejournal.com]

Very sorry to hear.

[nsingman.livejournal.com]

Our condolences, Monica, on Mr. Roth's loss.

{{{Monica}}}

[kyleri]

Oh hun, that sucks.

*offers hugs*

[amergina.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry! What a horrible thing to lose someone in his prime. My thoughts are with his family, you and your co-workers.

[dagonell.livejournal.com]

My condolences! -- Dagonell

[anniemal.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie! Nothing to say that could fix it or top previous statements of sympathy. {HUG}

[magid.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear it, and with such timing, too.

Baruch Dayan ha'emet.

[chaos-wrangler.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[ealdthryth.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about this. That's really tough.

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

Baruch dayan emet.

I know how hard it is to mourn (or not mourn) on a holiday, since my father's yarzheit is Simchat Torah. Some years, I can dance. Some years, I can't.

[cellio]

I remember you writing about your father's yahrzeit. I wondered how you managed to celebrate the holiday.

[gnomi.livejournal.com]

Baruch dayan emet.

My condolences.

[celebrin.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that.