cellio: (menorah)
Monica ([personal profile] cellio) wrote2005-06-22 09:31 pm
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my rabbi and the morning minyan

I talked with my rabbi today about my leading services at the other shul. He already knew that I've been going there for shacharit for years (not every day); I told him that this was because of ties to a particular group of people, not to that synagogue or movement in general, and if that minyan were to disband I would not seek out another. I'm committed to my movement, my synagogue, and my rabbi; I just don't see a conflict with also participating elsewhere in small doses. (My synagogue does not have a daily morning minyan.) I then told him that I'm leading that service once a week, that this was because they had asked me (I didn't initiate), and that I'd said "no" for a good long time before agreeing. I asked if this was a problem for him. (I also apologized for not coming to him about this much earlier.)

The discussion went in two main directions. There were the liturgical questions -- how do I feel about praying for the restoration of the temple sacrifices, resurrection of the dead, and so on? I work around the first [1] and am comfortable viewing the second metaphorically, so those aren't problems. We are going to discuss the liturgy more next time, when I actually remember to bring a copy of that particular siddur along.

The other part of the discussion had to do with appearances. How large is this minyan? Could I be seen as being the leader of the group in general, which has implications beyond the service? We concluded that there is not an issue here; I'm one of several people who leads (and I'm not the main one), I'm on a short leash liturgically, I'm not doing anything else in that congregation, and the group is small (we usually have a minyan by Barchu, but usually not by Kaddish d'Rabbanan).

We also talked about my motivations and whether this fits with my educational path; everything appears to be fine there after discussion.

So everything's fine, but I really should have had the clue to talk with him when it first came up. I find it really hard to initiate conversations sometimes; with luck I'll get better at this. I really feel close to my rabbi, but there's also this professional arm's-length separation that prevents us from just being friends who talk about things. I wonder how I can change that.


[1] Ok, this is going to be surprising for a Conservative morning service, but: we don't do a chazan's repetition of the Amidah. Everyone does the first three brachot together, and then after Kedusha everyone completes it individually. When I get to R'tzei, I use the Reform text (which I have memorized). [2] Also, Sim Shalom has toned that passage down somewhat, at least in translation.

[2] This is one of the reasons I said "no" for a while: could I legitimately be sh'liach tzibur (prayer representative) for the congregation if I did not say exactly the text in the siddur? The primary concern here was actually abbreviation, not substitution -- I pointed out that I am much slower with the Hebrew than most of them are but that I could use the alternative text for the intermediate blessings. The folks in the minyan seemed to care not one whit what I did during the individual reading. So ok.