a missed opportunity

[cellio]

Tonight at the grocery store the person ahead of me in line was paying with food stamps. I know this not because I saw them (I don't generally pay attention to such things), but because the cashier wouldn't accept the stamps for one item she'd bought and was demanding money instead. The customer said it had been ok last time and asked for a manager. The manager told her no. The cashier and manager behaved appropriately (they can't change store policy), but this poor lady was standing there with even more people now aware that she was using food stamps (people had joined the line), which is presumably something she doesn't advertise.

And you know, it was a reasonable purchase; it wasn't something obviously abusive. The lady had one bag of groceries -- probably dinner for the next couple nights. (It's the last day of the month; I wonder if that's relevant. Probably. I'm guessing it meant she didn't have the $5.) If I'd been thinking, I would have told the cashier "add that to my order". It wouldn't have mattered to me and it obviously mattered to her.

But I didn't think of it quite in time, and when I did think of it I didn't jump on it before the lady had taken her remaining groceries and hurried off. I hesitated. I had a clear opportunity to perform a random act of kindness and I blew it. It's not yet as instinctive as it ought to be.

Comments

[goldsquare.livejournal.com]

On the other hand, you also helped her keep her dignity by not offering money. Some people take that badly.

[cellio]

Maybe. Yeah, I didn't offer what she might see as a handout, but she wasn't saved the embarrassment in front of other customers and she didn't get her food, either.

[sue-n-julia.livejournal.com]

I agree, though if you handle it well. I've had pretty good luck with the following lines:

• I'm just paying back someone who helped me when I needed it.


• If you really want to pay me back, give someone a hand when they need it.

S

[aliza250.livejournal.com]

My favorite version of that line:

"Now *you* owe a stranger a favor."

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

"It's not yet as instinctive as it ought to be."

I've been there.

Learning

[patsmor.livejournal.com]

"It's not yet as instinctive as it ought to be."

I've been there.

Me, too. I had often wanted to do it. I'd paid the toll for the guy behind me several times, and been tempted to do the grocery thing. But one afternoon nitnorth did it so graciously and tactfully for the person ahead of us in line at the store that I suddenly saw that I could do it, too.

[anniemal.livejournal.com]

By the time one sucks one's dignity far enough up to use food stamps, one doesn't quibble over other help. Or I wouldn't have. I never quite got over the verge, but have peered there. Living where I do, I don't see anyone using food stamps now. But it's no big deal, and if I saw someone having a hassle over them for a reasonable item, I'd give the cashier the evil eye and hand them the cash. And maybe say something about the store having policies where brains and compassion ought to be. Grace and tact are tough learning. Sometimes just doing it has to suffice.

[patsmor.livejournal.com]

It's true that if you're on WIC or food stamps, you've already surrendered a lot of your dignity. You don't have to lose your grace under fire (altho lots do), and you get really good at figuring out what you can leave behind and what's critical.

Someone once asked Duncan why I always put money in the food bank box (even just spare change); he replied (truthfully) that when I was a single mom with Jen and didn't qualify for Welfare, the local food bank kept she and me going. Now, he says, we can pay them back.

And that's how I see trying to grab opportunities to just lend a hand, from a few pennies to a few dollars (I can't pick up a whole order anymore, alas). Paying kindness back where I can.

[aliza250.livejournal.com]

if I saw someone having a hassle over them for a reasonable item, I'd give the cashier the evil eye and hand them the cash. And maybe say something about the store having policies where brains and compassion ought to be.

If a store gets caught too many times accepting food stamps for things not on the permitted list, they can lose their permission to accept food stamps for *anything*.

Charity

[anniemal.livejournal.com]

I just have massive problems with the current administration. If no one complains, it won't get more sensible or kind. I don't always do it right, but someone needs to be the gadfly. And sometimes I get it perfect. We can but ry.

[madfilkentist]

That woman has no claim on your generosity unless you choose to exercise it. There is no reason to feel guilty.

[cellio]

I don't believe she has a claim on my generosity. My regret is that I did not manage to offer that generosity regardless.

[herooftheage.livejournal.com]

I've done that occasionally, but oddly, it wasn't a random act of kindness. I was in the express line, and the person in front of me was coming up short, and trying to decide what to leave behind. I just hand the cashier of five, and say "allow me, please." But really, it's just because I want to get through the line.