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family visit
We're going to Toronto this weekend to visit Dani's relatives and, more specifically, attend a birthday party for his mother. I'm going to go back to the congregation I visited over Pesach (Beit HaMinyan) because they seemed friendly. Their web site mentions a "lunch and learn" for this Saturday, but no one answered the email I sent them about it so I don't know if it's "advance reservations and real food" or "kiddush++ and everyone's welcome". So I'll wing it.
I like Dani's mother (and his sister, with whom we'll be staying). One thing I don't care for that seems to be a family habit is their style of "party games". For example, the first time I attended their seder I was told -- with no advance warning -- that I had to sing a song. I don't know any Hebrew songs, I said; they said sing anything, and they suggested I sing something I sing with On the Mark. Later I realized just how unusual and inappropriate that was, but at the time what did I know from seders? (I'd been to some and never seen this, but to enough that I knew singing in some fashion was normal.) Other gatherings have involved treasure hunts or going around the room answering some question. While this sort of thing is fine in some contexts (most notably, my Shabbat morning minyan -- where passing on the question is also always an option!), I don't really like this sort of thing at family gatherings. At least not when there are outsiders present.
The invitation to this party includes the following instruction: "bring a saying or two that you used to hear when you were growing up". On the face of it that doesn't seem outrageous, but I find I'm resenting it a little anyway. I don't know what this is going to turn into, but I'd rather not play. And I can't tell whether that will offend my mother-in-law (whose party this is), or if this is something her daughter thought up and she doesn't care one way or the other. I guess I'll try to tease that out before the party Saturday night.
It doesn't help that no obvious candidates come to mind. My family didn't really run to trite sayings when I was growing up, or if we did they didn't stick. I suppose I could make something up, but my MIL is in regular contact with my parents and it would come out eventually.
It's such a stupid little thing. It doesn't matter and I shouldn't feel imposed upon. But I do.
I like Dani's mother (and his sister, with whom we'll be staying). One thing I don't care for that seems to be a family habit is their style of "party games". For example, the first time I attended their seder I was told -- with no advance warning -- that I had to sing a song. I don't know any Hebrew songs, I said; they said sing anything, and they suggested I sing something I sing with On the Mark. Later I realized just how unusual and inappropriate that was, but at the time what did I know from seders? (I'd been to some and never seen this, but to enough that I knew singing in some fashion was normal.) Other gatherings have involved treasure hunts or going around the room answering some question. While this sort of thing is fine in some contexts (most notably, my Shabbat morning minyan -- where passing on the question is also always an option!), I don't really like this sort of thing at family gatherings. At least not when there are outsiders present.
The invitation to this party includes the following instruction: "bring a saying or two that you used to hear when you were growing up". On the face of it that doesn't seem outrageous, but I find I'm resenting it a little anyway. I don't know what this is going to turn into, but I'd rather not play. And I can't tell whether that will offend my mother-in-law (whose party this is), or if this is something her daughter thought up and she doesn't care one way or the other. I guess I'll try to tease that out before the party Saturday night.
It doesn't help that no obvious candidates come to mind. My family didn't really run to trite sayings when I was growing up, or if we did they didn't stick. I suppose I could make something up, but my MIL is in regular contact with my parents and it would come out eventually.
It's such a stupid little thing. It doesn't matter and I shouldn't feel imposed upon. But I do.
no subject
So where is the line between "saying" and "nag" (or perhaps "rebuke"), anyway? :-)
no subject
Dunno. Depends on your inlaws and what they mean by "a saying." Could be that a saying is like "Step on a crack, break your mother's back," or a nursery rhyme, or a platitude worthy of a decorating plaque like "May the road rise to meet you," or an oft-quoted book or dramatic line "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
If you're feeling cautious, take a variety and wait to see what the others in the game have to offer, then give something in the same mood.