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cellioMy rabbi had to leave at the usual time for a bar mitzvah, but the cantor stayed for the rest of our service. I chanted torah; I have the impression that I got the job (after they determined that she didn't want it) due to a combination of skill and confidence. Leining (or otherwise performing) in front of a mostly-anonymous professional doesn't faze me in the least; that person has no reason to remember my name an hour later. (Note that comment; we'll come back to it.) Doing so in front of my rabbi or my friends or my community, on the other hand, is more nervousness-inducing. (Though I'm pretty much over that. Giving a d'var torah in front of my rabbi still makes me nervous, but everything else is fine.)
Ok, so I was the torah reader, and I asked the cantor to take the aliya. Y'know, most people just sort of rattle off the torah blessings; she didn't, chanting them expressively (and a little slower than usual), and it made a real difference. This was someone who understood what those words meant, both literally and in terms of what it should mean for us. It made a difference. Next time I get an aliya I'll try to remember that.
I had asked another congregant to be my checker. At one point during the reading I hesitated and the cantor supplied the cue I needed (a split second ahead of my checker); at the time I thought it was a little spooky that she knew the portion that well, until I later realized the text was in sight. :-) The reading went well and I got lots of compliments, including a sincere-sounding one from the cantor. (Not that I'm accusing anyone of being insincere, but you can tell the difference between a pro-forma "yashar koach" and a heartfelt one, y'know?) After the service she said to me "you've obviously had training" and I mentioned the Sh'liach K'hilah program. I couldn't tell if she knew what it was. (She's on the faculty at HUC in New York, so she's in a position to have heard about it, but that doesn't mean she has.)
I was later told that during the reading she seemed to be silently singing the tropes, and that she was nodding and smiling. This was all well out of range of my peripheral vision.
I had written out my d'var torah again, rather than speaking from notes. I'm still working this out; I'm not sure which is better. I do a better job of delivery when just using notes, because I can do a better job of looking at people, but (so far) I get more compliments on the content when I read something I've written. In the long run, of course, I want to learn how to naturally deliver something at the level of my written work.
The cantor's "yashar koach" for the d'var torah sounded even more sincere, and several other people complimented me as well. I had gone in thinking it was kind of so-so; I think I've written better, though I don't think this was bad or I wouldn't have used it. But anyway, lots of warm fuzzies, and one request for a copy. (Someone asked. I handed him the paper. He said thanks but he meant electronic; he'd like to send it to a family member.)
Tonight after Shabbat the cantor gave a concert. (Nice variety of music -- some in styles I like and some in styles I don't care for, but all of it performed very well.) At the post-concert shmooze she greeted me by name. That surprised me; she met probably 60 people this morning, and hundreds the previous night. (So much for my "she'll forget my name in an hour" suspicion.) Even more surprising and gratifying was when my rabbi greeted me and told me that the cantor really liked my leining and d'var torah. Ok, that means not only did she remember my name but she made a point of commenting to him. Nifty.
So all in all, I had a good day. :-)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-01 02:29 pm (UTC)It is hard to know a sincere compliment from "saying gracious things". :-)