dissecting a compliment

[cellio]

My "other" congregation has a new rabbi and he was there this morning (but he deferred to me for leading). Afterwards he praised me rather more than I would have expected and asked where I learned to daven. The answer to that is really the same as for most people: by showing up and doing it a lot. Most of the regulars in this group can daven at least as well as I can in most respects -- perhaps not as melodically, but that's the least-important part. I wonder if people who compliment me on leading services are really just reacting to my ability to sing.

On the other hand, during the Sh'liach K'hilah program many of my classmates told me that I (to paraphrase) ooze spirituality, that I can create the right setting and draw people into prayer. I think I do that instinctively when I lead on Shabbat mornings, and I actively work on that on the rare occasions when I lead on Friday nights, but I don't explicitly try and don't know how successful I am in doing it at the weekday minyan. (I don't know how to tell, from way up on the bimah while they all sit in the back rows.) This is, largely, not a group that lingers over prayer and reflects; most people have places to be after services are over. It's a weekday, after all.

It's possible that I am better at some of the simple mechanics -- navigation (page cues), flow, consistency in pace, and that sort of thing. I suspect that being both an adult learner and an analytical sort help there -- for as long as I've been going to services I've been both participating and observing what's going on and how it's put together. I didn't absorb "how it's done" before I was old enough to be cognizant of it. I notice things (my rabbi has commented on this) and analyze the heck out of them. Maybe that has paid off in ways I hadn't noticed.

Mind, I kept all of this inner dialogue away from the rabbi, who I thanked for the compliment. :-)

Comments

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

For me, the hardest part of being Shaliach Tzibbur is not letting the mechanics of leading others destroy my kavanah. Making sure people know where you are and how fast you're going (especially in a traditional setting where much of the davenning is first line aloud, middle sotto voce, last line aloud), keeping track of how many minutes it's been since you've given them a chance to sing along, listening for the cues from behind you to indicate whether people are fidgety or paying attention, or falling behind, or whatever... it's an honor but a tircha!

[cellio]

There is certainly a lot of "stage management" (for lack of a better term). I can't say how, but I've developed the kind of hearing acuity that tells me when people are sitting down (during the t'filah), so I know whether I need to adjust my own pace. (I am, of course, facing the ark at that point, so I can't see them.) Sometimes the kavanah is strong despite the logistics stuff and sometimes it suffers; this is something I have to work on. One thing I know is that the congregation can affect it (in either direction); there have been a few times when I've been not at my best when starting a service and the congregation has picked me up so I could do better. My shabbat morning group is really easy to lead because everyone there brings lots of kavanah in from the start, and the group amplifies it.