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the western wall
I wasn't really sure what to expect at the kotel, the main plaza in front of the western wall. As I wrote before, on Friday we visited a different section of the wall and, while it was nice, it didn't really move me.
I guess I expected to have an intellectual/historical experience today. I don't believe that the wall is religiously special; I am convinced that God hears my prayers just as well in Pittsburgh as in Yerushalayim. For the same reason, I'm not the sort to leave a note in the wall. Some people get fervent about the wall, and sometimes I've thought they go too far, bordering on fetishism or even idolatry. It's a historially and nationally significant place, but, well, at some level it's just a wall. I should clarify that I was not (and am not) at all hostile; I just didn't really get it.
We had some time for private reflection, and I went down into the women's side. (The mechitzah is excessive, and I noticed several women standing on chairs looking into the men's section.) I ignored the mechitzah and focused on the wall. Near the center there were three soldiers -- with hair uncovered, by the way -- praying quietly and intensely. I of course don't know what they were praying, but it struck me that most of us probably don't have call to pray for our lives like they probably do. The pictures I took (respectfully) probably don't convey their mood very well, but I tried.
A space cleared up down near the far end, so I went up to the wall. It's quite tall, so from close up it really does tower over you. It was too late for shacharit and too early for mincha and I didn't have any texts with me, but I silently recited the one psalm I could do completely from memory (150). (While writing this I realized I also know Ashrei, which is mostly (I think) psalm 145; didn't think of it at the time.)
And then I touched it. And that's when it hit me. I felt a strong, emotional connection. It was overwhelming, and it completely surprised me. There I was, touching the western wall, staring at all the notes cramming every nook and cranny, and I felt this connection with something bigger than myself -- history, God, the nation of Israel, I'm not really sure.
Epilogue: As I walked back from the women's section into the main plaza, an older black-hatter -- long white beard, peyot, serious appearance -- looked at me and said "welcome home".
I wonder if first-time-ness shows in people's faces, to the experienced eye.
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Apparently, it really does. The same thing happened to me the first time I went. (Friday night my first week at yeshiva, with some friends of mine who had been before. Apparently the "first time at the wall" thing was noticed by some charedi and chardal guys near me, and some really nice conversations ensued. Probably one of the nicest memories I have from my year there.
Nesiah tovah!
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The placement of the mechitza at the wall was pretty unequal when I was there... I doubt it's gotten better. Plus there's a sheltered part on the mens' side, for when it's rainy...
It's a wall, but hundreds of years of people making it holy has given it some holiness.
Enjoy your trip! I wish I was there...
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How I envy you...
Thank you for sharing this.
Touching the Wall
Re: Touching the Wall
Re: Touching the Wall
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They're most likely not married, so there'd be no expectation that their hair would be covered.
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I think that's a big part of it. It's the concept of a pilgrimage. God clearly can hear our prayers regardless of location but when we undertake a journey (physically or sometimes just spiritually), make ourselves more receptive and we open ourselves up to God in a way that we might not have been before.
I'm glad your trip is going so well!
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My first time was a bit different . . . .
Please understand, I was a rather spiritual child. By which I mean I have always felt the presence of God as matter of factly as I feel a warm breeze in spring. As far back as I can remember, I have been aware of God about me and in all the ways the universe unfolds. It's just there, like the other nested patterns that make up the universe. That doesn't negate free will, mind. But it took me a very long time to discover that most people don't perceive God (or the rest of the universe for that matter) in the same way.
So when we went ot Israel, and I at age 17, to visit my older brother in Yeshivah, I (and my family) were looking forward with great expectation to visitng the Wall. Having been conditioned from youth with a zionist/religious education that saw Jerusalem and the Wall as the center of the Universe, I was convinced Something Important would happen.
We came at erev Shabbat. The sun was setting, a procession from Yeshivat Hakotel (my brother's yeshiva) singing down the steps. My father urged me to work my way forward to the Wall itself to have whatever experience awaited me . . .
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Re: My first time was a bit different . . . .
Re: My first time was a bit different . . . .