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Pesach
Nomenclature: to me "grocery store" and "supermarket" have become pretty much synonomous. If I mean the small mom-and-pop store, that's the "corner grocery" or the "mom-and-pop grocery". Giant Eagle is a grocery store. (There is a new class of humongous stores (that are to real supermarkets as real supermarkets are to corner groceries); I don't know what these mega-supermarkets (humongo-marts?) are called yet.) None of this is true for Torontonians, though. A friend had asked us to look for "kinder eggs" (novelty candy), and when I asked if they'd have those at grocery stores I was told to go to a supermarket instead.
The first seder was with Dani's father's family. This really feels like Dani's father's wife's family's seder; she has three children who usually come with their families, and Dani's sister (+ family), Dani, and I go, but it feels like "their seder" more than "our seder", if you know what I mean. Not complaining; just observing. (For context, Dani was already an adult when Dani's father and his wife got married, so she has never functioned as his stepmother. She is close to her own family but not to Dani and his sister.)
The children at this seder were better-behaved than in past years, which is good. They weren't engaging much, which is not good. They wouldn't sing the four questions (even as a group) unless adults sang along. Pity.
This is very much a "when do we eat?" seder. No one's interested in discussions, they skip a lot, and they read the remainder quickly. Now that I think back on it, I'm not sure we sang Dayeinu -- the only singing might have been Ma Nishtana (the four questions). Time to the meal was about half an hour, and they don't do the part after the meal.
We got to spend some time there visiting with Dani's father, which is good (haven't seen him in a while). They usually invite us over for a non-seder visit when we're there, but they didn't this time. I feel bad for Dani, who didn't really get to spend much time with his father.
(16 people, four of them kids. Two different paperback haggadot; mine was Birnbaum and I didn't see what the other was. Led by Dani's father; hosted by one of his wife's kids.)
The second seder was hosted by Dani's mother and led by his sister. This was a smaller group (9 people) and included two friends of Dani's mother. (One was Sudi's widow, so I was able to offer condolences.) They use a haggadah that Dani's sister assembled when her children were very young. Those children are now in college, but she made a passing comment that she thinks her haggadah works well on all levels (isn't dumbed down) so she's glad she doesn't have to revise it. I disagree, but I know when to keep my mouth shut. (It's also rather secular -- lots of "spring" and very little "God".)
But on the positive side: discussion was definitely encouraged, aided by one attendee with what appears to be a not-very-strong Jewish education and another who thinks I know everything (so we got some "I've always wondered" questions), and there was singing. I took a song sheet with four songs (three with sheet music); we did two. It's a start. (My goal is to get more Hebrew songs into the repertoire. If that pushes some of the Yiddish ones out, I won't be sad.)
Of those four songs, one was a deliberate tactical choice and it worked as intended. I took the text of Psalm 150 and taught them the melody we currently use in my synagogue. One of the other guests responded with "do you know this one?" and started to sing a different melody. (I did, and joined her.) This gave me an opening to say "do you know the Sufi one?" and sing that. (Yes, Sufi. Their melody, our text, I'm told.) (I know one more, but didn't bring it out.) So instead of this just being "Monica wants to do these songs", I was able to turn it into a broader musical exchange. This year was planting seeds; we'll see what sticks next year.
(Note to self: their haggadah doesn't include most of Hallel (only "B'tzeit Yisrael"), so bringing some of that along someday might be good.)
Because Dani's family is mostly athiests and agnostics (but they do seders), I tried to pick lighter-weight songs. The other one that we did was "Shiru l'Adonai shir chadash" (sing a new song unto God). I figured that songs about singing would be good in this family. This particular setting has a Hebrew chorus and an English verse; I later learned that one family member has no problem with praising God in Hebrew but won't do it in English. That took me by surprise; I'll have to remember that for the future.
Their haggadah contains several short songs that are written only in transliteration -- no Hebrew, no translation. (Having the Hebrew would help me puzzle out what they mean.) They sing these through (with a variety of subtly-different, concurrent melodies), once each, so if you don't already know the melody, the song's over about the time you're figuring it out. So bummer on both counts -- translation and singability. I assume this gets better over time.
Useful discovery: I am not the only person in that family who doesn't like the "Clementine" song. Unfortunately for me, Dani's sister does, and she was leading the seder. (She did it up with assigned parts, so it's really obvious if someone doesn't sing.) Two of her kids don't like it either.
I need to remember to take a copy of the festival kiddush with me next year. (Or maybe just bring a haggadah?) Their haggadah doesn't include it, but consensus formed very early ('round about candle-lighting) that I should be given stuff to chant. I don't have the festival kiddush memorized, though, needing it only a few times a year.
Hmm. I could bring another sheet to insert, with festival kiddush on one side and all the relevant brachot on the other. (You know, things like "...who has commanded us to eat matzah".) I was doing the brachot quietly on my own, but maybe they could be available to others who want them. And this way the texts would be available for seders we're not at, if that ever happens. Who knows -- there might be someone else who could do the festival kiddush given a copy of the text, and who the family would want to have do it. If not, they can leave the sheets in the bag with the extra haggadot.
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