wearing a kippah?

[cellio]

This morning after I put a tallit on, a man I don't know approached me and asked if I'm the chazanit. I said "for today". He asked why I was wearing a tallit but not a kippah (skullcap). (In case anyone's wondering: egalitarian Conservative congregation.)

I have two reasons. The first, which I offered in those few moments before the service began, is that tzitzit (the reason for the tallit) are a biblical commandment but a kippah is purely minhag. There is no biblical (egalitarian) requirement to cover one's head. (Not talking scarves here, just kippot.) Many people today seem to assume that the kippah is the stronger requirement -- that is, many people wear a kippah but not a tallit during morning services -- but it's actually the other way around.

The man didn't seem to approve of this explanation. I said I honestly don't know now if I'm violating minhag ha-makom (the custom of the place -- that is, this congregation) and no one told me, but I will find out. It's certainly not my intention to violate local custom; it's just hard to tell, as I'm the only woman I've seen lead services. (Most men there wear kippot. I've seen bare male heads on the bimah, but the regular service-leaders wear them.) I will ask the rabbi (who was not there this morning) if he has an opinion; if the mara d'atra, the ultimate authority in his congregation, wants me to wear a kippah, I certainly won't argue.

(Mind, I would have just put one on this morning to make the man feel better, but I was pretty dubious that it would stay on my head without a clip, which I didn't have on hand. I didn't want to create a spectacle of losing and retrieving the kippah, possibly multiple times, on the bimah.)

I said I had two reasons. (Omphaloskepsis alert.) The other is that it feels strange to me to put on a kippah for services but not wear it all day. A tallit is different; it's a time-bound commandment. You don't wear a tallit (gadol) all day. (This may have been different in talmudic times, but I'm talking about now.) A kippah, on the other hand, is not time-bound; to the extent that it's a requirement, it applies all the time (modulo sleeping, bathing, etc). We've all (presumably) seen men wearing kippot at work, on the street, in the grocery store -- they're following that interpretation. It seems to me (and I'm open to alternatives here) that if I'm going to put the kippah on, I shouldn't remove it after morning services are over. But, for better or worse, a woman wearing a kippah outside of the synagogue will be interpreted as making a political statement, in addition to it weirding out my coworkers and friends. If I thought it was a commandment that would be ok, but for a custom? Do I want to go there? (Postponed: a discussion of scarves/hats, which are a different issue in a few ways.)

An alternative view is "hey, it's just a custom -- adapt it as needed". That would make it ok to wear it in the synagogue but not on the street, without a feeling of violating any commandments or perhaps even custom. Lots of people do this, though I don't know how much they've thought about it. Maybe it's fine, but to me the symbolism feels a little weird. (I am not judging anyone else here, just to be clear -- just looking for models and trying to work out my own thoughts.)

Why does one wear a kippah? Various reasons, but the theological ones all boil down to acknowledging one's relationship to (or with) God. Do we only have a relationship with God inside the synagogue? No! To me, taking it off at the end of services feels like I'm saying "ok God, we're done until next time". But God isn't a scheduled activity; God just is.

As I said, lots of people put on a kippah at the beginning of services and take it off at the end. I don't think most people are as introspective as I am, so I'm guessing many haven't thought about why they do this or what it means. But if I've got readers who have thought about this (or are doing so now), I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Comments

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

Technically, there's no Biblical commandment to wear tzitzit per se. It's a conditional mitzvah --- if you're wearing a four-cornered garment (during daylight hours), then you must affix tzitzit to the corners. (I understand that this is an issue that the IDF has dealt with vis-a-vis ponchos.)

The minhag that the shaliach tzibbur wears a tallit gadol for Shacharit and Mincha is sufficiently strong and venerable that it has gathered the force of a halacha. (In many Orthodox communities, men who have not yet been married do not wear tallitot except when they are shelichei tzibbur or have a Torah honor.)

Wearing kippot outside of shul was not common in our parents' generation, I understand, even among some Orthodox communities. So I think the idea of wearing a kippah only while in shul is not as strange as you suggest. Certainly among the more traditional communities it is de rigeur for men and, depending on the context, for none, some (i.e., married), or all women.

To extend that thought, though, among some of the more right-wing (for lack of a better term) communities, although a kippah may be sufficient for normal circumstances, during davenning and/or when acting as shaliach tzibbur, one must wear a real hat -- one that covers one's entire head, which most kippot do not.

So I think that one can carve out a logically consistent position that, for a certain community, people are not expected to wear kippot out of shul, people are free to wear them or not while in shul, but people are expected to wear them when on the bimah.

Your story, though, reminds me of when I was on the board of the Youth Congregation of my (Conservative) synagogue as a teenager. We voted to make the youth service egalitarian, even though the adult service hadn't gone that way yet (and wouldn't for another 15 years). But there was a very heated argument over whether women would be expected to put on a kippah and tallit when they were given an aliyah or acting as shatz. I felt then, as I do now, that if women are receiving the same privileges as men, they should be held to the same expectations as men. I was dismayed by the vitriol that I received for suggesting such a thing, and it became clear to me that, at least for most of the women in that community at that time, this was all about "getting the perks" without "accepting the yoke". It was a very depressing realization.

[cellio]

Thanks. You've offered a lot to think on.

Wearing kippot outside of shul was not common in our parents' generation, I understand, even among some Orthodox communities.

Wow, I didn't know that. Or, more specifically, I assumed that kippah and/or hat had been normative for quite a few generations.

I felt then, as I do now, that if women are receiving the same privileges as men, they should be held to the same expectations as men.

I agree, and am sad but not surprised that you met opposition to that.

[mbarr.livejournal.com]

nope- definatly not normative. at most, the minhag in some places is to just cover your hair for brachot- davening & eating, basically. German custom is such..

[murmur311.livejournal.com]

This is just a quick response since I'm at work, but here it is:

I wear a kippah all the time. This was a decision that I thought about for a very long while and decided to implement it during the High Holy Days (figuring the new year was a perfect time to begin something new). I realize that as a woman it is probably odd for me to wear one all the time, but I got over the feeling of "uh, oh, people are looking at me" fairly quickly. None of my coworkers mentioned it, and I've never gotten more than few odd stares in public. I decided to do this because while I always wore a kippah on Shabbat and holidays already as an acknowledgement of God, I realized that this should carry over to every day. I find I am more mindful of what I do and say when I have it on (I'm not perfect, though). When I go to restaurants where I'm going to be eating non-kosher I'll either wear a baseball cap or take it off completely.

Those are just my very brief thoughts.

[cellio]

Thanks for letting me know. Every data point is valuable at this point because I have so few. :-)

[geekosaur]

The minhag is covering your head. The kippah, as such, partakes of that minhag but also has cultural (not religious) connotations; as such, I will wear it in shul but not outside: I wear some other kind of hat outside, although various recent occurrences have convinced me that it might be wise to wear a kippah under my hat. (If so, I should find a black knit kippah; this is an aspect of the kippah's cultural meaning.)

That said, it's different for women because the cultural connotations apply only to men. A woman wearing a kippah (outside of shul) is a statement all by itself, and short-circuits the usual connotations.

As to murmur311's comment: if for some reason I'm eating non-kosher (which I try to avoid, but sometimes community commitment outranks personal commitment(*)) I will not wear a head covering at all, as I'm technically "slipping the yoke of G-d" and the head-covering minhag is that it symbolizes commitment to G-d.

(*) Commitment to the communities of which I am a part is part of my commitment to G-d; this is a fundamental of Judaism, based on the fact that all people are b'tzelem Eloqim. In Orthodoxy this is often taken to apply mostly to Jewish communities, but even so it is recognized that if you are part of a larger community you have commitments to it. (This is why the more stringently Orthodox minimize their participation in non-Jewish communities; it sets up conflicts.) In Reform, one must face these conflicts; as such, I may be forced to loosen my hold on personal commitments in order to satisfy community commitments.

It should be noted here that, on the level of Torah obligation, eating n'veilah or t'reifah is a relatively minor infraction; in Orthodox communities it has much greater significance because forced kashrut violations have historically been a large part of anti-Jewish campaigns. In a case where I am not being forced or encouraged to disavow Judaism, this does not apply and I do not see a need to rub by kashrut in other people's faces.

[cellio]

You're right; the custom or requirement is for covering, not specifically for a kippah.

A woman wearing a kippah (outside of shul) is a statement all by itself, and short-circuits the usual connotations.

Right. And a woman wearing a scarf, snood, or wig makes a different statement, which also doesn't work for me. I've got nothing against scarves etc in the abstract, but it might seem pretentious to adopt the patterns of a community that I'm not a member of.

The issue of removing the kippah when, e.g., eating at a non-kosher restaurant is interesting. On the one hand, by wearing the kippah you're an ambassador of sorts, so even setting aside any personal embarrassment, it's not good to give the impression that eating here is fine for Jews. On the other hand, if you can find ways to eat at that restaurant (the notorious fruit salad), maybe you should wear the kippah to tell others (particularly other Jews) that it's possible to be a serious Jew while living in the broader community. Two opposite arguments, both based on the kippah making you a spokesman of sorts. (I know rabbis who follow both of these approaches.)

In Reform, one must face these conflicts; as such, I may be forced to loosen my hold on personal commitments in order to satisfy community commitments.

You're Reform? Or just at a Reform congregation? I'd been wondering where you ended up. (If this is too nosy, of course, just ignore me.)

[mbarr.livejournal.com]

There's the opposite side of marais eyin. basically, giving the idea that the restraunt is kosher by seeing you in there. These days, probably not as big of a deal, since anyone who's caring enough should double check the kashrut, and it would be mostly obvious by the menu..

[zevabe.livejournal.com]

EAting a treifah, a nerveilah or a behema tameiah is not a minor infraction. It is prohibited by the Torah and is punishable by lashes. Don't downplay it because it won't get you the death penalty.

On the other hand, it is used as a barometer mitzvah (kashrut generally is), and as such it is assumed that one who keeps that keeps other things and vice versa. I'm not sure it should be used as a barometer, but it is a) fairly public (unlike taharat hamishpacha for example) b) applies to everyone (unlike say, agricultural commandments) and c) affects others (can I eat her food?).

[ynyr.livejournal.com]

I wear a head scarf everyday. I would wear a kippah, but they never stay on my head, irregardless of clips and such aids. A scarf, I can simply tie on. Then I don't have to worry about it. I felt odd at first, but now I think I would feel very strange if I did not. Not wearing it would be almost like going to class wearing just a towel. People at shul often ask me about it, sometimes a bit defensively (Reform Synagogue). I do it because it reminds me of the other commandments. I think that's what tzitzit are supposed to do, but I'm not done converting yet and I can't/won't wear them until I am.
Anyhow, that's my experience.
Ynyr

[cellio]

Thanks for sharing. I suspect I know what you mean about the questions at shul; as pretty much the only regular in my congregation who walks to Shabbat services and won't go out to a restaurant with folks afterwards, I get questions too.

[baron-steffan.livejournal.com]

This may look harsher in print than I intend, but...perhaps you're over-thinking this? I think you hit the nail when you said "Many people today seem to assume that the kippah is the stronger requirement...". In the (reform) temple I've recently been going to, kippot/yarmulkes are worn at Shabbat services, but I've only seen a tallith on the rabbi (or his stand-in), and surely that's a common practice. Wearing a tallit without a kippah is jarring to me, as would, e.g. wearing tefillin without a kippah. Strictly speaking, you may be right, but culturally it just strikes me as odd, and I don't think I'm in the minority.

[cellio]

perhaps you're over-thinking this?

Oh, that's entirely possible. I do that sometimes.

Strictly speaking, you may be right, but culturally it just strikes me as odd, and I don't think I'm in the minority.

That's a good point. The cultural norm will dominate for most people -- like, probably, the man who asked me about it this morning. So maybe, given that, just wearing a kippah for the service would fit right in and not imply anything more.