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wearing a kippah?
I have two reasons. The first, which I offered in those few moments before the service began, is that tzitzit (the reason for the tallit) are a biblical commandment but a kippah is purely minhag. There is no biblical (egalitarian) requirement to cover one's head. (Not talking scarves here, just kippot.) Many people today seem to assume that the kippah is the stronger requirement -- that is, many people wear a kippah but not a tallit during morning services -- but it's actually the other way around.
The man didn't seem to approve of this explanation. I said I honestly don't know now if I'm violating minhag ha-makom (the custom of the place -- that is, this congregation) and no one told me, but I will find out. It's certainly not my intention to violate local custom; it's just hard to tell, as I'm the only woman I've seen lead services. (Most men there wear kippot. I've seen bare male heads on the bimah, but the regular service-leaders wear them.) I will ask the rabbi (who was not there this morning) if he has an opinion; if the mara d'atra, the ultimate authority in his congregation, wants me to wear a kippah, I certainly won't argue.
(Mind, I would have just put one on this morning to make the man feel better, but I was pretty dubious that it would stay on my head without a clip, which I didn't have on hand. I didn't want to create a spectacle of losing and retrieving the kippah, possibly multiple times, on the bimah.)
I said I had two reasons. (Omphaloskepsis alert.) The other is that it feels strange to me to put on a kippah for services but not wear it all day. A tallit is different; it's a time-bound commandment. You don't wear a tallit (gadol) all day. (This may have been different in talmudic times, but I'm talking about now.) A kippah, on the other hand, is not time-bound; to the extent that it's a requirement, it applies all the time (modulo sleeping, bathing, etc). We've all (presumably) seen men wearing kippot at work, on the street, in the grocery store -- they're following that interpretation. It seems to me (and I'm open to alternatives here) that if I'm going to put the kippah on, I shouldn't remove it after morning services are over. But, for better or worse, a woman wearing a kippah outside of the synagogue will be interpreted as making a political statement, in addition to it weirding out my coworkers and friends. If I thought it was a commandment that would be ok, but for a custom? Do I want to go there? (Postponed: a discussion of scarves/hats, which are a different issue in a few ways.)
An alternative view is "hey, it's just a custom -- adapt it as needed". That would make it ok to wear it in the synagogue but not on the street, without a feeling of violating any commandments or perhaps even custom. Lots of people do this, though I don't know how much they've thought about it. Maybe it's fine, but to me the symbolism feels a little weird. (I am not judging anyone else here, just to be clear -- just looking for models and trying to work out my own thoughts.)
Why does one wear a kippah? Various reasons, but the theological ones all boil down to acknowledging one's relationship to (or with) God. Do we only have a relationship with God inside the synagogue? No! To me, taking it off at the end of services feels like I'm saying "ok God, we're done until next time". But God isn't a scheduled activity; God just is.
As I said, lots of people put on a kippah at the beginning of services and take it off at the end. I don't think most people are as introspective as I am, so I'm guessing many haven't thought about why they do this or what it means. But if I've got readers who have thought about this (or are doing so now), I'd love to hear your thoughts.
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The minhag that the shaliach tzibbur wears a tallit gadol for Shacharit and Mincha is sufficiently strong and venerable that it has gathered the force of a halacha. (In many Orthodox communities, men who have not yet been married do not wear tallitot except when they are shelichei tzibbur or have a Torah honor.)
Wearing kippot outside of shul was not common in our parents' generation, I understand, even among some Orthodox communities. So I think the idea of wearing a kippah only while in shul is not as strange as you suggest. Certainly among the more traditional communities it is de rigeur for men and, depending on the context, for none, some (i.e., married), or all women.
To extend that thought, though, among some of the more right-wing (for lack of a better term) communities, although a kippah may be sufficient for normal circumstances, during davenning and/or when acting as shaliach tzibbur, one must wear a real hat -- one that covers one's entire head, which most kippot do not.
So I think that one can carve out a logically consistent position that, for a certain community, people are not expected to wear kippot out of shul, people are free to wear them or not while in shul, but people are expected to wear them when on the bimah.
Your story, though, reminds me of when I was on the board of the Youth Congregation of my (Conservative) synagogue as a teenager. We voted to make the youth service egalitarian, even though the adult service hadn't gone that way yet (and wouldn't for another 15 years). But there was a very heated argument over whether women would be expected to put on a kippah and tallit when they were given an aliyah or acting as shatz. I felt then, as I do now, that if women are receiving the same privileges as men, they should be held to the same expectations as men. I was dismayed by the vitriol that I received for suggesting such a thing, and it became clear to me that, at least for most of the women in that community at that time, this was all about "getting the perks" without "accepting the yoke". It was a very depressing realization.
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Wearing kippot outside of shul was not common in our parents' generation, I understand, even among some Orthodox communities.
Wow, I didn't know that. Or, more specifically, I assumed that kippah and/or hat had been normative for quite a few generations.
I felt then, as I do now, that if women are receiving the same privileges as men, they should be held to the same expectations as men.
I agree, and am sad but not surprised that you met opposition to that.
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