daf bit: Nedarim 48

[cellio]

The mishna discusses using an intermediary to get around a vow. Suppose a father has vowed not to benefit from his son. His son wants to host a banquet for his own son's wedding, and the mishna proposes that he give the banquet (that is, the resources to pay for it) to a neighbor on the condition that his father be invited. The gemara debates whether this is valid, and concludes that if he says "so that my father can come" it is legal but if he says "on condition that my father can come", it is not a legitimate gift. The decision must be left to the recipient, but the giver is allowed to make a request. (48b)

Comments

Re: Tangential, but significant I think:

[cellio]

That mindset doesn't make sense to me. I did you a secular favor, so now you need to do me a religious one? I don't think so. If you asked him to go to your synagogue with you for services it would be reasonable for him to then say "so how 'bout coming to my church once?", but what you "owe" him for the kindness he showed you is corresponding kindness -- probably not similar circumstances since emergencies are by their nature unusual, but I'm sure you can find other things to do for him. What they are depend on your skills and talents.

If you want to keep seeing him (and it sounds like you do), I don't think his church request has to be the end of it. You just say "I can't do that but I'd like to do something else for you" and invite him to dinner or whatever it is you decide on. If he really does believe that his kindness means you have to consider his religion, that sounds like a deal-breaker -- but he might just be being optimistic or something and not deeply hold the opinion. Only one way to find out.

(All that said, religious differences can strain relationships, particularly dating. If what you want from this is a good friend rather than a date, making that clear might also ease up on that pressure. I have plenty of Christian friends and religion isn't an issue, but we're not dating. :-) )

Good luck.