writing circle: Psalm 23

[cellio]

My congregation recently started a writers' circle. This isn't the type where everyone submits stuff for critique in advance; rather, the group gets together, the leader assigns writing prompts, we write for (usually) 15 minutes or so, and then those who want to share what they wrote. It's an exercise in introspection as much as, if not more than, an exercise in writing.

At a meeting this week we read Psalm 23 in traditional and contemporary translations. (The latter was from Mishkan T'filah and I didn't find it online.) The leader asked us to react to it in any way we chose. After a little bit of clean-up, here is what I wrote:

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."

Can you want without knowing you want?

Once I would have thought that was a stupid question. Wanting, by definition, would seem to require knowledge of what you want. The Lord was not my shepherd and hey -- guess what? -- I didn't want. Life was fine.

My world wasn't changed by some distressing event. There was no valley of the shadow of death, no enemies surrounding me. Nor was it the sound of thunder that got my attention; no, rather it was a still small voice that gently whispered "you can do better". I didn't know it yet, but I wanted.

Slowly and uncertainly, reading from a transliterated text carefully copied from email, I said the Sh'ma for the first time. Then I lit Shabbat candles, reading the blessing from a post-it note. Something awakened. I wanted, and I knew I wanted.

The more I opened myself to the possibility of a shepherd, the more I felt the gentle nudge of the shepherd's staff, directing me toward this pool of water or away from that danger. I took in spiritual sustenance for the first time in my life, and my cup ran over.

There are times of greater and lesser connection, but the shepherd is always there if I but stop and look. I still want, but it is a different kind of wanting. Now I know what is possible; I know that I want, if not always what I want, and I know when my want has been fulfilled. I feel the confidence now to say -- "Adonai is my shepherd; I lack nothing".

Comments

[indigodove.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed reading this, and when I read things like this that you write, I'm happy for you.

[cellio]

Thank you.