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the internet, religion, and me
After that initial "hey wait a minute" Jewish experience, I sent email to a then-acquaintance (now friend) with a question about Hebrew. The question was a direct followup to a linguistic thread on an email list we were both on and I didn't expect it to go any farther at the time. (I didn't yet know I was on a path to conversion to Judaism...) Boy were we both surprised. :-) The email exchanges over the ensuing days and weeks (and months and years for that matter) were deep, rich, wide-ranging, and eye-opening, covering everything from theological quandries to the practicalities of following halacha to torah 101 (and 201 and...). I was reading the torah seriously for the first time in years, and boy did I have questions. With much hesitation -- "I've just had this religious epiphany; can we talk?" being kind of awkward in any medium -- I began corresponding with a few other friends too. Eventually,, of course, I sought out a rabbi, but I never would have gotten that far without these conversations.
I found my way to helpful newsgroups, web sites, and mailing lists where I didn't already know the people. I accepted an invitation for shabbat in an Orthodox home from one of them. I also sought out books, of course, but the local offerings were limited and Amazon didn't yet have "look inside" to help narrow the options. So most early book acquisitions came via recommendation, not browsing. Aside from the friends I was emailing with, I was in do-it-yourself mode here (a theme that will surface in a different way later).
One mailing list was particularly significant. "Friends of Ruth" was a mailing list for converts and would-be converts. This was the only forum I ever experienced where people like me -- and from all the movements, not just my own -- could have deep conversations. Yes, I was also taking a local intro-to-Judaism class, but my cohort never behaved like that; I was way out at the end of the passion-and-avidity curve and working hard to not be That Student Everybody Hates. And my cohort never met outside of class; we just didn't have, or feel strongly enough to create, the environment where we could have those kinds of conversations among ourselves. Without the mailing list, I would have missed out on an important part of the journey.
I never believed that I could learn and experience Judaism only through online channels; the synagogue, local community, and especially a relationship with a rabbi are essential. But I also knew that I couldn't only experience Judaism in person: the bandwidth was too low. I was thirsty for knowledge and ideas; the internet allowed me to drink from the fire hose while the physical world, by its nature, offered me a sippy-cup.
Let me be clear that my regular study with my rabbi was wonderful and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. (I'm delighted that he makes time for individual study with me to this day when he doesn't "have to".) But time with a rabbi was (and is) a necessarily scarce resource, and I sure wasn't going to waste any of it with factual questions I could just look up. He had a whole congregation to tend to, while for me this was the most important thing going on in my life. How could I not seek out additional sources of information, insight, and conversation between meetings and classes? Not to replace my rabbi, of course -- I take seriously Pirke Avot's directive to "make for yourself a rav" -- but to augment.
Time has passed and I'm no longer in "quest" mode. You can't maintain that level of intensity forever, and I didn't. But Judaism, particularly study and worship, are very important to me; I don't think that will ever change. I am part of the dedicated core in my congregation and I am fortunate to be able to study one-on-one with both of our rabbis -- and I am also actively engaged with like-minded people online, here and elsewhere. I've met many people who became friends through mailing lists, here on LJ, and in other online venues. It's all part of the mix; I don't sort my world into "online" and "physical". Email and web sites and visits and face-to-face conversations are all intertwined.
It's overly simplistic to think of the online world over here and the physical world over there, two distinct things that compete with each other. The internet is made of people; the rest is just making connections. So I am glad to hear the conversation in the Reform movement moving from a "competition" mindset ("the internet is drawing people away from synagogues") to a recognition that it's way more nuanced than that.
And I also wonder if one particular thread will play out at all. My experience of the net is that it empowers users -- you're responsible for figuring out what you want, and when you do there are lots of tools available to you. I suspect that the same people who are empowered online want to be more empowered in their physical communities too. I know I sure do, and I want to do it in my existing community, not by going off and joining an independent minyan. So what effect will that have?
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Me too! (Just in case there was any doubt. :-) )
Something I've learned in other contexts is that even when you think you know stuff, you learn more by trying to teach it to somebody else. So I'm not surprised by the effect this had on you. Cool, huh?
And I can't escape the notion that someday, if I ever do have to answer for myself to the Holy One, that I will be able to say, "Well, there was Monica..."
I'd testify for you.
And yeah, I think the technology was really critical here. Physical letters are slow; the phone is synchronous. I think fast, asynchronous conversation is what really made the difference.