junk mail: a reply (snark)

There is a class of junk mail that tries earnestly to appear to be something Official and Important. You know the type -- the security paper with the three perforated strips around the edges that says something like "important tax documents" on the outside. These usually pique my curiosity enough to see what the pitch is, on the way to the recycle bin.

Today's (emblazoned with "economic stimulus" on the outside) informed me that according to public records, the mortgage I got on $date_we_bought_the_house at $interest_rate is way too high and they're here to help with a 5.25% fixed-rate loan (terms unspecified).

Dudes, we've refinanced twice since then. We're currently at 4.5%, so your 5.25% offer (which sounds high, actually) isn't very appealing -- something you'd presumably know if you checked those public records you were going on about. :-) And by way of further review, your perforated edges were poorly implemented, causing me to tear your special message while opening it. The other two mortgage pitches I've received so far this month were of much higher physical quality.