daf bit: Avodah Zarah 32

The mishna teaches that it is forbidden to have any business dealings with idolaters who are going on a pilgrimage. In the g'mara Shmuel clarifies: with idolaters going on a pilgrimage it is forbidden because they will go and offer thanks to their idols, but on their return trip it is permitted because "we let bygones be bygones" (it won't aid and abet idolatry at that point). However, if an Israelite goes on such a pilgrimage we reverse it: we can do business with him on his way there because he might change his mind and not go, but on his return trip we cannot do business with him because he has already become attracted to idolatry and he will keep going. (32b)

(I'm not sure why the returning idolater, who has already become attached to it, is ok but the returning Israelite now in that same state isn't, unless there is also a punative aspect to this ruling.)

thoughts on the "al cheit" prayer

Al cheit shechatanu l'fanecha... with these words we confess our sins, generally and collectively. We have been stubborn, we have disrespected our elders, we have used hurtful speech... the list goes on, seeming to cover nearly every possible transgression. But is it really a confession without specifics? Does confessing to these general sins cleanse my soul, sort of like an annual "get out of judgment free" card? No, this text challenges me to look much deeper.

Al cheit shechatanu l'fanecha... for the sin we have sinned before you with inappropriate speech -- and I think of the times I fell too easily into making negative comments about an acquaintance without having all the facts. For the sin we have sinned before you in public actions -- and I think of whether I could have achieved my goals at that meeting more gently, without making others uncomfortable. For the sin we have sinned before you by acquiescing to immorality -- and I think about standing silently when a friend made a derogatory joke at the expense of a group not my own. For the sin we have sinned before you privately -- and I think of the times I have "cut corners" with God when I could have done more to deepen our relationship, and I think of how nothing is ever private from HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

To me "al cheit" is not just a confession, a litany of sins. It is a list of reminders, a prompt to really look inward and examine my behavior over the last year. The list includes transgressions committed unknowingly, but how can I correct them if I don't know about them? "Al cheit" urges me to know them anyway, even though it is uncomfortable, in the hope that if I can confront them, maybe I can prevent some of them in the coming year. Just confessing and moving on would be easier; this text calls me to do more to set myself on the right course, one transgression at a time. Al cheit shechatanu l'fanecha... what have I hidden from myself, that this text helps me uncover?

Baruch atah Adonai, 'ozreinu lizkor.
Blessed are you, O God, who helps us to remember.

---

My rabbi asked me to write something about this prayer to be read in the Yom Kippur morning service. (He specifically requested some sort of chatimah, the part at the end, in case you're wondering.) Normally I don't publish work intended for presentation before said presentation, but this is more relevant if it's available before Yom Kippur is over so I'm breaking my rule.