brain trust: email-routing question

[cellio]

Dear brain trust,

On my domain, I have email addresses that collect a local copy (i.e. I can use webmail on my domain to read them) and also forward a copy to my Gmail address. This is particularly helpful for low-volume addresses that I might not otherwise check frequently.

Today somebody with whom I'd been corresponding contacted me via another channel to report that his email was now being rejected -- by Gmail. Sure enough, the copies are sitting in my domain mailbox just fine, but there's no sign of them at Gmail -- not in trash, not in spam, just not there. Gmail seems to have decided to reject them and not even tell me.

I have questions.

1. How do I get Gmail to stop doing that, at all? If email is sent to my Gmail address, especially by my own forwarder!, I want it to show up there. In the spamtrap is fine if Google thinks it is. Silent deletion is Not Ok.

2. If I can't get Gmail to stop doing it, can I get notifications somewhere?

3. I expected the forwarding from my domain to Gmail to be a private matter between those two parties. Why did the Gmail rejection get all the way back to the sender? Why did I not receive a notice of the rejection at my domain address, which is what sent it along to Gmail? Is there something I can do, presumably via CPanel, to intercept rejections by forwarding addresses?

4. Gmail has filters, which can be used to process incoming email in various ways. I've used them to whitelist a few senders that Gmail thinks are spammers that aren't. When in the pipeline do filters get applied? I think it's after this rejection it's doing, since the message goes nowhere that I can see, but I've whitelisted this particular address now in any case.

Comments

[cellio]

Thanks. I'll see if I can rewrite the headers (I know very little about email configuration, which I can do through CPanel which I also know very little about). That would be cleanest, as I'd be able to assert "this came from my domain" to Gmail and if Gmail has a problem with that they could tell me (at my domain) rather than the original sender.

I realized after posting that Gmail probably wouldn't be able to tell that it came via forward versus from the original sender when generating notices -- unless there's a way to inject a "rejections go to this address" header in there somehow?

[siderea]

It would probably be very edifying for you to go find any email you forwarded to your gmail account successfully, and open up its full headers and take a look to see what is and isn't there already.

I haven't been keeping up with cpanel innovations, but last I checked there was no in-cpanel way to rewrite headers. I do it by using a little known cpanel filter option to forward incoming email to a process of my choice, and I talked a hosting company into leaving procmail and formail inside the jail shell, which was great, because my plan B was basically writing procmail from scratch in perl or php. This allows me to do absolutely anything I want to my headers before I turn things around and ship them on out by calling sendmail/exim directly. I can explain how to do this if you want to join the dark side; it absolutely entails programming.

(BTW, are you still at the same hosting company you recommended to me a million years ago? That I left because of their terrible handling of email?)