cellio | (no subject)

Yesterday morning the mother of a friend from Temple Sinai died. We didn't get to the funeral because we had tickets for Les Mis (and they're non-exchangeable, and it's the last day anyway), but we'll go to the shiva tonight. (I'll go the rest of the week.) Last night I baked them a cheese and onion pie, which I know they like, that they can eat for lunch tomorrow or something. But the few times I've been to shiva homes there's always been a table full of food for the visitors, so I'll make some brownies to contribute to that just as soon as the oven heats up.

I really appreciate that Dani is willing to go with me to the shiva. Because he knows the couple too (we've had them over a few times), it would have been awkward for me if he bailed. On the other hand, our agreement was that he wouldn't have to "do Jewish stuff" so long as he didn't prevent *me* from doing so. So he didn't have to, but I'm glad he's going to.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

As for the minion, as with everything it depends on the individual groups. Best to ask.

As for food, everything is always appreciated. The point I guess is so that the family doesn't have to worry about cooking for themselves or for anyone else. It's nice to be able to offer your guests a cakey thing, and it's also nice to have a home cooked meal (you tend to get a lot of cold cut platters, which are distinctly *not* a home-cooked meal)

Some people take the feeding of guests a bit too far if you ask me. My family tends to put out cakey things for visitors and save the meal-like food for ourselves... and I am SO not getting into what some of the more distant relatives do.

As for what to talk about, well that's the hard part, right? Aside from "I'm sorry," I like to go with whatever they want to talk about. You never know if someone is ready to be nostalgic or pensive, or whether they'd rather talk about the weather or work or something totally off the wall. Just as with a wake/funeral/memorial, you're just going to be supportive :)

As for the rest of the etiquette... just use your judgement, really! It's never easy, but in the end you're just being a friend, and that's what's important :)