cellio | Entries tagged with leading services

For several years our congregation has had double services for the high holy days (fire codes, y'know...). Since there are two services, they don't have to be identical; all the prayers are the same, of course, as are the torah reading and sermon, but the music is different. One keeps the long-standing "classical Reform" style that only comes out (in our congregation) on the high holy days -- operatic-style choir, organ, music you can only listen to and not join -- and the other uses more-accessible melodies where you can understand the words, led by a cantorial soloist. Guess which one I prefer. :-)

The first year we did this, the earlier service got the less-formal music. The next year I suggested switching (thinking we could take turns, because everybody prefers the time of the later service), but it didn't happen, and hasn't in the years since (people keep asking).

The problem on Yom Kippur is that we've set things up so that you can stay at the synagogue all day -- morning service, afternoon service, study sessions, dramatic presentation of the book of Jonah, end-of-day service... staying all day really helps to focus on the day and away from the fast and the world outside. But, the people who actually stay all day, rather than leaving after the morning service and coming back at the end, are, overwhelmingly, the people who want the less-formal music. I can't speak for anybody else, but for me this is not mere preference; the "classical Reform" style actively interferes with my kavanah, my spiritual intention. I've tried really hard, but I just can't do it. So people like that have a choice come early, find something to do for two and a half hours, and then continue with the rest of the day, or suck it up and go to the late service.

But we have an opportunity this year. After some renovations completed about a month ago, we have a suitable space in which we can have a service in the style of our Shabbat morning minyan, to run concurrently with the late service. We'll do that until it's time for the torah service and sermon, and at that point we'll all go to the sanctuary. So we're having 2.5 services this year. I wonder what this will do to the early (sanctuary) service, but I've heard enough people say that they want to be in the sanctuary (even if it's early) and not in the chapel with the minyan that I don't think it will be a problem. Y'see, both the new service and the early service offer more-accessible music, but there are other differences: the new service, arising out of the minyan, will likely attract a crowd that is more fluent in the service and more interested in achieving that kavanah I spoke of. You can do that in the sanctuary services, but it may be a little harder with the addition of more English responsive readings and the like.

I'd be excited about the new service anyway, but I'm especially excited because I will be helping to lead it. My rabbi can't be absent from the sanctuary service for the whole time, so he'll come to the start of ours, then join the other one already in progress later, at which point lay leaders will take over. I got the t'filah. The t'filah for Yom Kippur has extra stuff that's not in there the rest of the year, but I've practiced and I think I'm ready. While the responsibility is palpable (more on that general theme in tomorrow's daf bit), it's also exciting. I often reach my best kavanah when I'm leading like-minded people, and I'm looking forward to seeing what this will be like on the holiest day of the year.

I used to think that henceforth I would only ever go to a church service for weddings, funerals, or educational historical recreations. But I failed to consider one other case, and now add ordination to that list. My friend M (who can identify himself if he wants, or not) was ordained this weekend as a Roman Catholic priest, and I was pleased to accept his invitation to the ceremony.

I am in awe of M, who gave up another career to enter the seminary several years ago. I couldn't really see the other three new priests clearly, but I think he was not the only one of that approximate age. I'm not saying it isn't noteworthy to do something like this right out of college, but making a profound change later in life strikes a particular chord with me. So seeing M achieve this, and seeing the joy and solemnity and sacredness all mingled together in the room, was pretty special.

The service was held at St. Paul's, a huge cathedral in Oakland. (It surely seats several thousand, but I couldn't tell more specifically.) They had a diocese choir, which was able to fill the place, and brass and percussion and of course organ. The pulpit is large, and good thing -- I think there were at least 75 people involved in this service (though not all at once, mostly).

I am not fluent in the high-church Roman Catholic mass (Wikipedia helped some), but this appeared to be most of a mass with a substantial ceremony occupying the center portion. During the ordination ceremony Bishop Zubick (the local bishop) spoke individually (but publicly) to each of the new priests, adding a personal touch that showed that he knows them. (I understand that when he came to Pittsburgh he declined the usual bishoply residence and asked for an apartment at the seminary instead.) Two of the four are returning to their school in Rome for graduate studies in the fall; the other two (including M) begin local assignments in a couple weeks. These assignments were given out during the ceremony; I had assumed that the priests knew in advance where they were being sent, but it turned out they learned when we did. I guess it reinforces that pledge they had each made to serve the church and the bishop no matter what. (It didn't actually say "no matter what", but there were words of some gravity.)

The mechanics of running this service were interesting. It was very smooth, and while most religious services are not on this scale, there's stuff to learn here for people running smaller ones. I'm going to talk about that first, and then I'll go into the geeking (for those who are still reading :-) ).

( service mechanics )

( geeking )

My rabbi was away this Shabbat and last, and the associate rabbi (formerly known here as "the third rabbi" or "the educator rabbi") said he'd like to include lay people in services instead of just doing everything himself (yay!). I'm now the head of the Neshama Center (um, is complicated -- not just a worship committee but go ahead and think of it that way for now), so he asked me to invite some people from our group. Since I got to do a service myself in July under similar circumstances I deferred to others this time. Then this Thursday at the board meeting the cantorial soloist told me that one of the people for this week was sick and she wanted me to fill in. People told me it looked very smooth, as if this set of people was used to working together. Nifty. :-) (The cantorial soloist and I, and my rabbi for that matter, have worked together enough to be able to sort of read each others' minds on the bimah. Glad to see it works with the other rabbi too.)

This spirit of inclusiveness extended to the morning bar-mitzvah service in one way. (This is the sanctuary service with family-centric attendance, not the regular morning minyan with a steady community. We're talking about ways to fix that but it's a hard problem endemic to the Reform movement.) Obviously the associate rabbi can read torah -- you won't graduate rabbinic school without demonstrating capability there -- but instead he invited another lay reader and me to read for these two bar-mitzvah services. The other one did last week and I did this week, each of reading everything except the part that the student read. Mine went very well, I thought -- I made two mistakes requiring correction, one of which was accidentally over-shooting an aliya boundary (I realized it at the same time as the rabbi). The bar mitzvah chanted very well; afterward I whispered to him that he was welcome to come back and read for us any time. :-) (Articulate, on key, and it was clear that he understood what the text he was reading meant.) I hope we'll see more of him.

The typical Reform bar-mitzvah service is somewhat tedious (to those outside the family) in some respects; there's a reason the president of the URJ once called it "king for a day". Yesterday's was a little better than I'm used to in some ways; I suspect that's the handiwork of the associate rabbi, and if so I'll be interested to see where this goes. Other aspects still require a lot of work, but I'm glad to have good relationships with both our rabbis such that I can talk with them about these things.

This rabbi was originally hired to focus on education and not be on the bimah much; with the (planned) departure of another associate rabbi earlier this summer, we are back down to two. So roles have shuffled around somewhat and he'll be on the bimah more. Between his service-leading skills, his excellent sermon-craft, and his interest in involving lay people more, I'm looking forward to this.

Friday night I led services with our cantorial soloist. Both she and I were pleased with how it went, and I got several compliments afterward. I hope I will have more-frequent opportunities to do this.

One oddity, though -- somehow we picked up about ten minutes! I asked afterward and the consensus of people I trust to tell it to me straight is that no, I was not rushing. We do know that my rabbi is more prone than I am to fill in extra explanatory bits and the like; this is not a criticism of him by any means (it's not excessive or anything), but more a comment on my comparative lack of skill and tendency in this area. I just don't ad-lib as well, and he's done this about a bazillion times more than I have so he's had more practice.

It is possible that some of the time came from musical choices. Not clear. And we did start on time, because I'm like that. This doesn't always happen.

Saturday morning I led both torah study and the service. (The lay torah reader had a sore throat, so while she would have led part of the service normally, she asked me to do it.) The second rabbi was there for this and he seemed pleased with the job I did. Another member of the minyan plays guitar and led some of the singing; I'm happy to see her be more involved. The torah reader asked the rabbi to read haftarah (I think on account of her voice). I hadn't heard him read before; I really enjoyed listening to him. He read more expressively than I'm used to.

After I prepared for discussion of the post-flood rainbow, we didn't actually get there. This is the nature of Jews studying torah sometimes. :-) (We spent the entire half hour on the three or four verses immediately preceeding that part.)

Still not ~~king~~ a rabbi, but I get to do stuff anyway. :-)

My rabbi will be away for three Shabbatot this summer, with the first being this week. The (until-recently) associate rabbi has moved back to Israel, and the third rabbi is not looking for a large role on the bimah (though he will get some now). And the cantorial soloist has enjoyed co-leading with me in the past. So the two rabbis and the soloist all agreed that I could lead tomorrow night's service, and maybe others. I'll also be leading torah study and the morning service on Saturday; I wanted to spread that around by having someone else lead study, but it didn't work out. Our assignment is the rainbow in the Noach story; need to read up on midrash and commentary.

The ~~third~~ second rabbi will be present Shabbat morning, so with luck I'll get some constructive feedback, particularly on the torah study. He might come Friday night, or he might stay home with his family.

Meanwhile, for the other two times my rabbi is away there will be b'nei mitzvah. While the other rabbi is of course capable of reading torah, he doesn't feel the need to keep it to himself. So he asked me and another of the regular torah readers to read for those services. The bar mitzvah will read some, of course, but I'll be leaarning about 30 verses. This should be interesting; it may be the first tiny step toward bringing the regular morning congregation and the bar-mitzvah service together a bit.

I also just received my high-holy-day torah-reading assignment. This year they gave me Yom Kippur mincha (the afternoon service). Should be interesting to see how well I can chant that far into the fast.

I'm feeling pretty good about opportunities to lead currently. I hope we can keep some momentum going come fall/winter; I'd like to be leading services more than I am, and it sounds like there is interest from people other than me in my doing so. Nice.

I was recently in a discussion about the choices that worship leaders make, and I realized that the Reform movement's approach imposes a higher literacy burden than I think most realize.

In an Orthodox service, the decisions made by the sh'liach tzibbur, the leader, pretty much boil down to what melodies to use. The actual text is fixed; you do what the the siddur tells you to do (and remember seasonal variations if the siddur doesn't mark them). I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying it's not too complex. While (in my experience) most Orthodox Jews who would be in a position to lead services are thoroughly fluent, technically the leader doesn't have to know what it all means and why the service is structured that way and so on.

Now consider the Reform movement, which from the beginning declined to follow the fixed liturgy. The early reformers eliminated some parts of the service (like musaf and many of the kaddishes) because they were repetitive, changed the texts of some prayers for ideological reasons (like objecting to resurrection of the dead), and introduced English readings that did not necessarily strictly follow the Hebrew they replaced. My impression is that they did the vast majority of this thoughtfully; later generations might disagree with their reasons, but they had reasons.

At least since the publication of Gates of Prayer, a siddur that offered many (and quite varied) alternatives to the leader, Reform services have tended to vary from one time to another, skip some of the Hebrew readings, use very "creative" English readings, and vary the music (which sometimes means varying the text because you want to use so-and-so's setting and it's a little different). The publishers of the siddur stuck to the same service structure, but at least from what I've seen in the last 12 years or so (as long as I've been watching), leaders have used it pretty freely. So it wasn't uncommon to do the Sh'ma/v'ahavta in both Hebrew and English (despite the repetition) but skip ahavat olam entirely, for instance. (Why yes, that does bother me, but that's a different essay.)

Mishkan T'filah, the new Reform siddur, corrects some of the problems in GOP. The theory is brilliant: here is a two-page spread including the Hebrew, a decent translation, and some alternative English readings; choose exactly one thing from this spread and then turn the page. But some of the English readings really aren't connected to what's supposed to be going on at that point in the service, so I see leaders break the pattern -- skip a few pages, then do both the Hebrew and one of the English readings from one spread, and so on. (That the editors sometimes violated their own format doesn't help this.) I was recently talking with a lay person who sometimes leads services in her congregation, and she told me she picks and chooses "just like [she] did with GOP". She didn't realize that she was repeating some things and entirely skipping others.

Why didn't she realize this? Because she is not highly fluent in the service -- she doesn't understand why the (Shabbat) amidah has seven sections and what each of them is for (and why that one English reading is terrible in that place...), or that kri'at sh'ma has more structure than "something before, sh'ma, mi chamocha" and that skipping parts breaks the theme, or why the v'shamru earlier in the service doesn't cover you for the sanctification of the day later even though they're both "yay, shabbat" texts, and so on. She hasn't studied this stuff and doesn't engage with it like I do. And I realized: most Reform Jews don't study this stuff. In another movement they might not have to, but in the Reform movement, the leader is more likely to be making decisions about the content of the service and so, in my opinion, has an obligation to become fluent. By the nature of its siddur and its history, the movement imposes, or ought to impose, a higher burden of fluency than would have been necessary if we'd just stuck with the traditional text.

Of course our rabbis are fluent, and often they are the ones leading services. We have occasional geeks like me who are also fluent and have occasional opportunities to lead. But sometimes we have people who have occasional opportunities to lead who aren't fluent and don't even realize it matters. As a community we apparently aren't willing to say to those people "get fluent or follow instructions without varying or get off the bimah". So we get services that are sometimes haphazard and disjointed, which makes it really hard for people who do know what's going on to achieve kavannah (intentionality).

Once people know a little about the service structure I suspect they're more likely to not mess with it, but how -- aside from one conversation at a time -- do we get people to that "a ha!" moment that causes them to even notice the issue?

Our rabbis and cantorial soloist are all away at a convention this week, so I led services both Friday night and this morning. It went really well.

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All three of our rabbis and our cantorial soloist are off at the URJ biennial conference this weekend. (It's in Toronto, which is pretty convenient as these things go, so lots of congregants are going too. I, though, am not so keen on 5000-person conventions, so I didn't go.) So I'll be leading services this Shabbat, and hoping for critical mass. :-)

Tomorrow night is our monthly "mostly musical shabbat", which is (as the name implies) more music than reading. (We have a band, even.) Our cantorial soloist arranged for a sub rather than giving the job to a congregant; I get to fill the "rabbi" role. I don't know the sub, but we met briefly tonight and agreed to show up early enough tomorrow to sort out cues and who does what for the ambiguous parts. I expect it'll all be fine, and it's a chance for me to be on the bimah in a meaningful way so I'm happy.

Shabbat morning I'll lead the informal minyan up to the torah service, when the person who signed up to read this week will take over. This was announced last Shabbat; on Sunday I got a call from a member of the minyan asking if she could play guitar on a couple of the songs. (My rabbi leads on guitar; when I lead I do it a-capella and count on the strength of my voice to carry things.) I said sure, and let's show up a little early to check things like pacing and keys. It should be an interesting experience in a safe environment.

Today I led morning services. That's not unusual. Today this included Hallel; that's kind of unusual, and something I've only done about three times before. During Sukkot, Hallel includes some extra stuff, which I had not led before and was a little uncertain about. In particular, since I always just follow the leader on when to wave the lulav, and since work commitments prevented me from getting a refresher earlier this week, I wasn't sure I knew it correctly -- and in fact, Joe had to point out one place where I would have missed it otherwise (that final Hodu). There is also the small matter of not being able to hold the siddur at a good reading distance (for me) while also dealing with the lulav, so I did the best I could but had also memorized the key passages there. (For those who are wondering, David the torah reader always leads the special Sukkot processions, so I didn't do that.)

Before the service I asked Joe (the usual Hallel person, until he pushed me) a couple questions and he agreed to come up on the bimah with me for that part. But aside from that one correction he didn't have to do anything. I am pleased. Joe seemed very pleased, which makes me happy because he's my teacher there. Joe is the person who pushed me to start leading a weekday Conservative service at all, years ago, and more recently is the one who pushed me to lead Hallel (I'd always deferred to him).

(It's not that I don't want to lead services; I enjoy that and would like more opportunities in my own congregation. But even though I'm a regular I still think of myself as a visitor to this congregation; I'm not a member there nor even a member of that movement. I'm comfortable in this minyan but am mindful of the norms of hospitality, including that guests don't try to take over.)

I won't be leading shacharit tomorrow, so no daf bit, but instead I'll share a few short notes from some recent unusual-to-me services.

I've seen this a few times. The congregation chants a word or phrase from the part of the liturgy you're supposed to be doing, over and over, while the service leader chants the entire passage over it. The load on the congregation is lighter (useful if not everyone is fluent), the problems of skipping text are avoided (the representative of the congregation says them), and you might get a sort of minor meditative thing going that helps with focus. I wouldn't have predicted that I could be happy with my entire contribution to Ashrei being "Halleluyah" in a tight loop, but it worked.

The service leader is the locomotive; the congregation is the train. The leader leads, but everyone has to get there together. (This is an approximation of something said by Hazzan Jack Kessler.) This analogy breaks down if you look at it too hard, but I found it interesting enough to note.

This almost set off my woo-woo alarm but I tried it anyway: say Ashrei with a partner, delivering your part directly to the other person with intention. The reason I feared woo-woo is that I thought this would take praise of God too close to praise directed at the other person, but it didn't actually feel that way. I felt like I was praising God through this other person. It's not something I'd make a habit of, but it was an interesting experience.

I appear to be ok with thoughtful drumming during prayer. I am still not ok with chanted English where liturgy belongs -- doubly so if the English isn't a translation but something creative. Singing English is ok, but I find that I want the nusach, the traditional chant melody, to be reserved for more-or-less traditional Hebrew text.

The amidah is your private audience with God. What do you want to say to him? (Rabbi Richard Simon.)

More later, I presume.

Friday night I led services. My rabbi and our cantorial soloist were also on the bimah. It went really well; the three of us work well together. In his greeting (and explanation of why I was doing this) my rabbi said some really complimentary things about me, which was sure nice to hear.

Attendance was lower than usual; presumably some were away for the holiday and others were tired out from one or two seders. Many of the regulars were not there, but there were also people I didn't recognize. Most did not seem to be in a singing mood, though that improved as time went on.

Leading out of Mishkan T'filah poses some challenges, but it just means you have to plan a little more (at least if your congregation has strong opinions, and whose doesn't?). In previous siddurim your choices were the Hebrew text and the English adaptation, and readings they intended to be responsive were typeset accordingly. MT has Hebrew, the English translation (mostly accurate now), and (usually) two other English readings for each part (some intended for one reader and some that can work responsively); you're supposed to choose one thing from all this and then turn the page. So I had to meet expectations on the balance of Hebrew and English (left to my own devices there'd be a lot more Hebrew), but then within the English there were choices to make. Again, left to my own devices I'd stick to the translations, but people expect some "creative" readings, so I had to balance that too. I think I did a good job of balancing all this; I'll check that assumption when next I meet with my rabbi.

MT, unlike prior Reform siddurim, includes all the psalms that make up the kabbalat shabbat service, so I injected (in English) one we don't usually do. We're gradually increasing what we do in this part of the service, so I made a small contribution. I think we need to learn easy, singable melodies for more of them; that will help.

I rushed ya'aleh v'yavo, a seasonal insertion, and as a result stumbled a bit. Oops. (Done in by a kametz katan.) I knew I would have to be aggressive in starting it, else people would go on auto-pilot right past it, but then I needed to slow down and I didn't.

My rabbi announced from the bimah that I'll be leading again in June. I must find out when. :-) (We had originally talked about two date options for leading, this Shabbat and one at the end of May. I thought it was either-or. Maybe he didn't and is misremembering the latter, or maybe he has something else in mind. I have been asking him for more opportunities to do this, as it's been averaging once every nine months or so. I guess he agrees that it should be more. That'd be nice.)

I'll be leading Shabbat evening services this week, which I'm looking forward to. (It'll be my first time leading out of the final edition of Mishkan T'filah, though I've led out of drafts and, of course, used it as a congregant.) If you're local, interested, and in need of the details, drop me a note.

Last week the cantorial soloist was really sick. I hope she's doing better (it sucks to be sick, especially during the Pesach seder). If she's not, I guess I'll be doing more of the singing than originally planned.

My afternoon class at NHC was "the art and spirit of prayer leading", taught by Julia Appel, a rabbinic student at Hebrew College. (I think she just finished her first year, so I hadn't met her before.) The class involved text study and discussion; this was not, as they say, a lab class.

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The "H" in "NHC" stands for "havurah" [sic :-) ], which suggests a certain style of prayer: participatory, musical, casual. (I don't know if it's fair to equate chavurah with the Renewal movement, but there's clearly overlap.) The institute actually had a variety of services, and some of what I found surprised me.

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Summary: Friday night ok (or good considering circumstances); Saturday morning quite good.

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I'll be leading services tomorrow night (and Saturday morning) at my synagogue, including reading torah. (Both the rabbis are away.) I'm looking forward to it. One small monkey wrench was thrown at me -- last week we switched to a new siddur for Friday nights, an interim prayerbook based on the forthcoming Mishkan T'filah. (MT is out, but our copies are still "forthcoming".) So all the familiar page numbers are wrong, some of the songs are in different places, some of the English is a little different, etc. I borrowed a copy and applied stickie notes for a few page cues; it should be fine. (If you're local and want to come, that's 7:00 tomorrow night.)

When I registered for the NHC summer institute (the learning program I'm going to after Pennsic), I checked off the "willing to read torah" box. I had looked at the portion; there is one very long aliya (two columns!) and the rest are managable, but there was no place to indicate "but please not levi". Fortunately, they don't just send out assignments; yesterday I got mail asking what I'm interested in. (There are several options, not just Shabbat morning.) There were a bunch of people on the To: line of that message, including some with "rab" in their user names. I hope I won't be outclassed. I don't think so.

Links:

The Art of Conversation is a new blog that promises to cover some of the issues, philosophical and practical, of online conversations. Good stuff from

jducoeur and others; I suspect it will appeal to many of my readers.

Running for office the XKCD way (link from a locked post). I loved the first campaign attempt (the petition drive), though I agree it was ill-advised.

Misspelled signs are common, but this collection of signs with the same error made me laugh.

Speaking of misspellings, this thread in

magid's journal is fun. Doesn't everyone know about the fourteenth-century Sephardim/Ashkenazim diphthong wars?

Duck Darwin awards (source forgotten), or "what happens when a duck builds a nest on a high-rise?".

Vegan zombie t-shirt (from

kmelion). It looks like the shirt doesn't actually exist and it's just a design. Pity.

It's summer, the time when people at my synagogue traditionally think about plans for adult education for the coming year. I've realized that there is something I could teach, that I am atypically qualified to teach -- but I have no idea if it would reach the right people (or be seen as interesting).

Over the course of a year we see a fair number of people on the bimah, leading parts of the service, who haven't done this a lot and have never been taught how. The senior rabbi (who is excellent at this) is the right person to teach such a class, but he's busy. But at the risk of sounding immodest, I am probably one of the best lay people in the congregation in this area. At the knowing and the doing, I mean; I don't have much experience with teaching. That would be a "growth opportunity".

There is so much more to leading worship than just reading the words in the book. (It starts with awareness of that fact, by the way -- da lifnei mi atah omeid, know before whom you stand, is a guiding principle IMO.) I learned what I know mostly by observation (I'm good at noticing details in this context; people have commented on this), a fair bit by doing, and a fair bit from the Sh'liach K'hilah program. So I'm trying to figure out if I should offer.

The main reason I hesitate is that such a class could fail to attract the people who will be in a position to apply it while giving people who won't be in such a position false hope (double whammy). I've lived that false hope; it sucks. Possibly the right way to structure such a thing is not as a broad class but as something that members of sisterhood, brotherhood, committees, etc -- the groups that get services during the year -- are expected to go through. Pitch it to them rather than more broadly. (But would they buy in if the rabbi isn't the teacher?) Now that I think about it, we've had targetted training sessions on how to lead a shiva minyan (targetted to the committees that do that), so maybe that's the right model. (I'm focusing on adults here because I think the b'nei mitzvah have their heads, and schedules, full already. They and their families could surely benefit, but I don't think it would happen.)

My rabbi is away for the next several weeks (and then I'll be away for a bit just as he's coming back), so I'll either wait or mention the idea casually to our new rabbi who will be focusing on education.

I helped to lead the service Friday night. (Someone later asked me what the occasion was; I said "I asked". Also, it's part of my continuing education.) I'm happy with how it went.

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My congregation has an evening service on Thursdays. (Long story.) Usually one of the rabbis leads it; if neither is available, usually I get a phone call. Tonight there was no rabbi and no phone call (something must have come up), so at five minutes past the start time the consensus was that I should lead it.

That by itself would not be worthy of a post.

Two of my friends in my congregation are sisters, and their father died while I was out of town. I missed shiva, but they came tonight. We talked a little before the service; they said their dad had had as perfect a death as you can, at the age of 93, surrounded by family, and not in pain. They're feeling the loss, of course, but they said he was at peace and that helped.

It's customary for the leader of this service to give a two-minute d'var torah, generally on the weekly portion. See previous comment about having had no notice. Normally I can wing it; if nothing else, every Thursday morning I find some bit of midrash to tell to the morning minyan, so I can usually use that as a starting point if I need to. And I'm starting to develop a small repertoire of "d'var-lets" that I can spin up without falling on my face.

But it felt wrong. At least half the people there tonight were mourners, including the sisters, and I didn't want to just talk about Moshe preaching to the people or retelling the revelation at Sinai. So I improvised massively: I started by talking about what I studied last week at Hebrew College, used that as a basis for talking about Moshe's achievements through faith and despite adversity (and that they started late in life), and that this kind of leadership is inspirational, and then I talked about how we can all emulate Moshe to some level if we want to and it's inspiring to see parents or grandparents serving as models for us by doing so. It didn't come out as well as I would have liked, though the two sisters both thanked me and said this sounded just like their father, so that's good.

Comforting words do not come naturally to me, so after the fact I feel like I was playing with fire. Hmm. I guess it's good I didn't have time to think about it.

I led services Friday night at my synagogue. (In this congregation, for a lay person, this is a big deal.) It went really well!

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I'll be leading services next Friday night (June 22) at my synagogue, with both of my rabbis there so I can get constructive feedback. This is a great opportunity for me, both for my personal development and for my role in the congregation. I'm excited, and glad for the vote of confidence. (We've done this once before, and I hope to do it more times in the future. Most lay people don't get to lead this service except as part of a committee or something like that.)

I had asked my rabbi to give the sermon, and then all the congregations in town were contacted by an Israeli organization asking for pulpit time. So, no sermon but some sort of talk from visitors. The associate rabbi and I will split the torah reading. (Someone else signed up to read the same portion Shabbat morning so I offered it to her, but she declined.)

My rabbi gave me some good advice this week for dealing with my vision problem on the bimah, so we'll see how that goes.

Friday night's service went really well. I got lots of compliments, including from both rabbis. Whee! Constructive criticism (which I explicitly requested; how else will I get better?) will come later.

I did pretty much all of the service up to the torah service, except that the cantorial soloist led some stuff. I did some parts that she normally does; she was very gracious about it (and offered, in most of those cases).

I was confident, comfortable, and apparently smiling a lot. I'm told my articulation was very good, and that the 90-something-year-old who often has difficulty understanding people understood me just fine. I feel that I didn't look at the congregation while speaking (reading) as much as I wanted to, though I tried some things to make this not completely suck. (No one wants to look at a service leader who has his face buried in the book.) While reading a passage aloud you can read a few words ahead to the end of the sentence and then look up while reciting those from short-term memory; I did that a lot. Of course, that worked as well as it did because the prayerbook is familiar. I had more trouble doing this during my d'var torah even though I wrote those words.

( t'filah experiment )

( d'var torah )

One thing I definitely need to work on: rehearse the ad-libs. Yeah, contradiction in terms -- what I mean is the bits like inviting the bat-mitzvah student to lead the one prayer she did, making references to the handouts, inviting silent prayer... all the stuff that doesn't exist as words in the prayerbook. I practiced the book; I needed more practice with the other bits.

Speaking of the bat-mitzvah student, she was amazing. She was poised and knew her stuff, and she has an excellent voice. If I hadn't had lunch constraints, I would have gone to the bat-mitzvah service this morning (after my regular service) at least through the torah reading and her d'var torah.

( program inserts )

Finally, I am done tinkering with my d'var torah for tomorrow night. I better be; I have to format and print it before Shabbat. I had some trouble with this one, partly because it's longer than the Shabbat-morning mini-drash and partly because my rabbi will be listening. But I'm really, really looking forward to leading servces in front of my rabbi tomorrow!

Our associate rabbi has returned from Jerusalem. The US campuses of HUC ordain rabbis in May, but for some reason Jerusalem does it in November. He's been our associate rabbi for a few months, but now he has the title officially. I saw him tonight and he looked very happy.

This morning the rabbi (at the other shul) asked if I've been to Israel, based on my Hebrew pronunciation. I'll take that as a compliment. :-) (Mind, no Israeli would ever think that.)

I spent a few minutes this morning playing computer consultant for that rabbi. You know what usually follows "you know something about computers, right?", right? Yes, "I have this problem with my email...". It happened with his predecessor too. I should make cards -- "rabbinic software consultant since 1998". :-) So I was able to configure Outlook Express to read his AOL mail for him -- not that I previously knew anything about AOL or much about Outlook Express, but informed instinct counts for a lot. He probably now knows mor than he ever cared to about IMAP and SMTP, but his email works. :-)

I'll be leading services this Friday night at my synagogue. This is a big deal; lay people don't generally get to do this except as part of committees (sisterhood, etc), and it's not due to rabbinic absence. My rabbi (and I think the associate rabbi) will be there. My rabbi is undoubtedly expending some political capital on my behalf, and I appreciate the opportunity and the trust he shows in me. He'll greet the congregation Friday and explain what's going on and why I get to do this (because of the learning I've done, including in the para-rabbinic program). I'm thrilled to have the chance to (1) lead my congregation and (2) get constructive feedback from my rabbi.

(He's doing the torah service and concluding prayers, and reading torah. I'm giving the d'var torah and leading the rest of the service.)

My "other" congregation has a new rabbi and he was there this morning (but he deferred to me for leading). Afterwards he praised me rather more than I would have expected and asked where I learned to daven. The answer to that is really the same as for most people: by showing up and doing it a lot. Most of the regulars in this group can daven at least as well as I can in most respects -- perhaps not as melodically, but that's the least-important part. I wonder if people who compliment me on leading services are really just reacting to my ability to sing.

On the other hand, during the Sh'liach K'hilah program many of my classmates told me that I (to paraphrase) ooze spirituality, that I can create the right setting and draw people into prayer. I think I do that instinctively when I lead on Shabbat mornings, and I actively work on that on the rare occasions when I lead on Friday nights, but I don't explicitly try and don't know how successful I am in doing it at the weekday minyan. (I don't know how to tell, from way up on the bimah while they all sit in the back rows.) This is, largely, not a group that lingers over prayer and reflects; most people have places to be after services are over. It's a weekday, after all.

It's possible that I am better at some of the simple mechanics -- navigation (page cues), flow, consistency in pace, and that sort of thing. I suspect that being both an adult learner and an analytical sort help there -- for as long as I've been going to services I've been both participating and observing what's going on and how it's put together. I didn't absorb "how it's done" before I was old enough to be cognizant of it. I notice things (my rabbi has commented on this) and analyze the heck out of them. Maybe that has paid off in ways I hadn't noticed.

Mind, I kept all of this inner dialogue away from the rabbi, who I thanked for the compliment. :-)

Monica

something new for Yom Kippur

an unusual shabbat

Shabbat with the new(ish) rabbi

Shabbat

pulpit time

liturgical obligations

Shabbat services

Shabbat

morning minyan

prayer techniques

Shabbat evening

Shabbat services

class: the art and spirit of prayer leading

NHC: services

services this Shabbat

Shabbat, NHC, and a few links

I wonder if this is a good idea

Friday's service

not exactly a shiva minyan

Friday night's service

leading services

Shabbat service

Thursday bits

upcoming Shabbat

dissecting a compliment

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