Monica

We "always" go to Toronto for Pesach. This year Dani's sister and her family will be spending Pesach elsewhere, which would complicate things for us. First, that's who we stay with when we go up there; second, I predict a lot of bored twiddling-of-thumbs were we to go up this year, as each parent (they're divorced) has seder preparations to worry about and (in one case) a lot of other relatives to deal with. We spend a fair bit of the time with our hosts when we go up, and that seems to work well for everyone.

Dani's sister suggested that we could take this opportunity to do something different, and I'm inclined to agree. Dani is, in principle, willing to not go for Pesach (if we then go some other time when everyone's there, which is fine -- the sister has a round-number birthday this year, so maybe for that). The problem, though, is what to do for the seder(s).

A large part of the appeal of staying home is that I could -- for once -- lead a seder myself. But Dani is opposed to the idea of us holding a seder. That means going elsewhere, if I can't persuade him to change his mind -- and if he's already giving in on not going to Toronto, I don't want to push him too far on that. My preferences for a seder are: (1) includes all the parts; (2) consists of people who want to be there; (3) is participatory. (The ones we usually go to fail one or more of those criteria, but you make exceptions for the sake of family relations.) Dani's preferences seem to be (1) people he knows and (2) not extremely religious.

I'm not sure what this will end up meaning yet.

But hey, I learned something: Dani does consider the seder important; it's not just a family thing. I didn't know that.

Shabbat was also the last day of Pesach (a holiday), so our informal minyan didn't meet in favor of a holiday service at the later time. After the service another regular pointed out to me that while all our other services have gradually changed over the last few years to include more Hebrew, less repetition (in English), and more-accessible music, our holiday service has stayed pretty much the same all along. She's right, but for something that only happens a few times a year I'm not sure how much I want to worry about it. Because this service has Yizkor (memorial prayers), this service particularly attracts a demographic that doesn't show up often otherwise. They're older and more inclined toward "classical reform"; for a few days a year I can just wait for this portion of the congregation to gradually fade away.

There are special torah readings for the holidays (that is, we break the weekly cycle). The last day of Pesach gets the end of the exodus story, with the scene at the sea of reeds. It struck me during the reading that this passage is a pretty good argument for human authorship of the torah. Think about it: God persuades Paro to pursue, interferes with their ability to do so, performs a miracle, and when the Egyptians try to give up and flee, recognizing God's obvious superior might, God picks them up and flings them into the sea, wiping out every last one of them. That sounds pretty vengeful (contrary to the famous midrash about God reprimanding the angels for rejoicing), and it sounds like just the sort of wish-fulfillment fantasy an underdog would write. Mind, I am not actually making this argument (I have different non-orthodox beliefs about that), but it struck me pretty hard during the reading. How odd -- it's not like I haven't heard/read this passage many times before.

Saturday afternoon/evening we had an exciting D&D game. There's some stuff in the game journal about it. I'm way behind on my own entries there; must catch up soon. What made the game especially fun was the good role-playing and scene-painting from everyone there. It's neat when things click.

I don't keep extra days of holidays so Pesach ended for me last night. This morning I had french toast. Mmm. :-) (Random food aside: does brisket, already cooked and in sauce, freeze well?)

This afternoon we visited with my parents. For our anniversary they bought us a Pomerantz Wine Pro cork remover that is a joy to behold (and to use). They found a nice bottle of kosher wine to go with it too; I didn't know that stores in their area carried anything but Manischevitz. I test-drove it tonight with a bottle of Lindeman's (lambic ale, capped and corked and a real struggle for me in the past), and the cork came right out with no effort on my part. Woot! (I did have to use a cutting board to raise the short lambic bottle to a suitable height, but that's fine.)

A geek perspective on the papal conclave (from dglenn).

MIT's time-traveller convention (from arib).

Remember those rebates I'm due from CompUSA and HP? I got a ding letter from HP, saying I didn't qualify because I didn't send it in in time. I called their 800 number and said "I disagree with that", the rep put me on hold for about ten minutes, and then the rep told me "ok, you should have your check in three weeks". Notably absent from this exchange is the part where the rep says "why do you disagree?" and I support my position. I suppose they could have spent those ten minutes pulling the original envelope from a file and looking at the postmark (um, no), or their database could be so slow and awkward that it took them that long to look up a previously-entered field. Or, maybe they simply roll over and comply in the face of any customer challenge. That might be cheaper than anything else. (Now if CompUSA would just cough up... I am so never doing this again!)

Why does just about every Trek series do at least one mirror-universe episode, and why are they almost always so embarrassing to watch? ("Mirror, Mirror" from the original series is the only exception that comes to mind.) Somebody must like these, right? I mean yeah, ok, it's a chance to do warped things to established characters without consequences, and with scantily-clad women, but for me (a straight woman who likes the baddies to at least not be stupid), that's not enough. Oh well. With luck they'll only waste one more episode of Enterprise on this. They had an opportunity to do good stuff with their few remaining episodes, after all.

Note to future self: kosher-for-Pesach yogurt is runnier than usual. I have no idea why. Next year we might skip that.

The cleaning fairy came today, and tonight I kashered everything that needs it and finished switching things over. We had a miscommunication -- she apparently assumed that I wouldn't be using the microwave -- so I had to scrub that out before kashering, but that's no big deal. I am so glad that we can afford to foist off some of the cleaning on someone else. There are certain cleaning tasks I really hate, including the oven. (One of these days we'll replace that sucker with one that does self-clean.) It's also nice to have a cleaning fairy who groks kashrut; she's a gentile, but she's been working in this neighborhood for a couple decades and she knows what to pay attention to.

(I should perhaps clarify that the name of her business is, in fact, The Cleaning Fairy.)

We were instructed to make charoset for the seders, so I had to make that tonight after the switch-over. Usually we make it there, but Pesach usually doesn't fall on a Saturday night and I don't want to try to get there with enough time to do it before Shabbat. Dani knew this was the plan, but apparently thought he was supposed to help. I made it while he was playing an online computer game, and then later he went downstairs for a while and then came back up and said "we had a failure to communicate; I just peeled the rest of the apples". Oops. Good thing the rest of the walnuts were harder for him to find. :-) (He was wondering why I'd only gotten a few apples when we would clearly need more...)

I'll be offline until Monday night. Depending on how talkative everyone is, I might or might not be able to catch up when I return. So, the usual comment -- if it's something I should see, send me a pointer.

Chag sameach!

Shabbat was good, though the first Shabbat after the spring time change is always a systemic shock to me. ("It's almost 8PM! How can it still be Shabbat?! Last week this time we were well into dinner!") The really long days, come June, are a real challenge for me. I have trouble reading all afternoon/evening (eye strain), but usually don't have people to spend the time with, and I didn't receive an electricity-is-ok tradition so using the TV/computer feels wrong to me. (I know there are Conservative arguments that permit this. I don't disagree intellectually -- but the gut feeling remains.) Walks in the park and naps help, but I have a lot to learn. I think this summer I will try to have guests for Shabbat lunch more often, especially as Dani agreed in principle to my goal of recreating some of the feal of that Shabbat dinner we had a few weeks ago (the one with what turned out to be Chabad folks). If I aim for lunch rather than dinner, I get to have a fun gathering and occupy some of the long stretch while doing so.

Shabbat dinner worked well for me. I've sometimes had trouble with cooked chicken getting too dry in the oven (while being held for potentially a few hours). The answer seems to be that sealing in foil does much better than putting in a covered casserole; the foil was a Pesach change (don't have Pesach casseroles yet), but I may have to keep doing that. So we had chicken in orange sauce, which was really easy: oil pan, place chicken breasts in it, brush tops with orange marmalade, bake on high heat uncovered for a while (this was 45 minutes at 375), then cover (seal) and hold at lower temperature (this was 180 for about 2.5 hours). Oh, I added more marmalade before the second cooking.

Lunch was cold foods because the crock pot isn't kosher for Pesach and I wasn't sure about the status of the hot plate. Since cooking on Yom Tov is permitted (for food to be consumed that day only), I'll have hot meals for both tonight and tomorrow's lunch. Tomorrow will probably be just me; if I get an invitation at morning services I'll take it, and if not I'll come home and make something.

For those who care, an interesting discussion about kashrut has sprung up in a previous entry.

Pesach changes the diet pretty fundamentally (though it doesn't seem like it should be that big a deal), and according to the nutrition-tracker I've been using, I haven't been doing so well this week on assorted vitamins. Not having that morning can of liquid nutrition (not kosher for Pesach) makes a bigger difference than I thought. Fortunately, it's only a week. Unfortunately, perhaps scheduling myself for a physical (which includes routine blood stuff) for a week after Pesach wasn't smart. Will cholesterol and sugars and stuff be back to their normal levels by next week, I wonder?

We finished the taxes this afternoon. We've owed significant but non-crippling amounts of money the last two years, so I think we finally got the W4s right. (This is the outcome we want.) Of course, this might have more to do with the economy than with any precognitive skills on our part.

While we were in Toronto Dani's sister and mother were asking me various questions about religious practice, and at one point one of them asked me if I wear a talit. I do, and I specifically wear the talit that used to belong to Dani's maternal grandfather. I never take it to Toronto and have never mentioned it, because I didn't know how they would feel about somebody other than Dani (or some other direct relative) having it. Dani offered it to me openly, but that doesn't mean he correctly read his family on this, after all. So anyway, someone asked, and Dani started to laugh, which prompted them to ask why, and he spilled the beans. Not only does his mother not mind, but she's pleased -- and she wants a picture of me wearing it. Ok...

(At some point, possibly this summer when I'm at HUC, I may get myself a larger one as well. The one I have is the smaller "scarf" variety, and sometimes, like on Yom Kippur, I would like to have the option to really wrap myself in it. Nothing wrong with having two -- besides, it makes trips to the dry-cleaner easier.)

The family visit went pretty well this year. And aside from some incompetence at the border on the way back, the trip itself was painless.

We got up there a couple days before Pesach, rather than zipping in the night before (or day of) the first seder like we usually do. This gave us more options for going out for food, though we actually only went out once, and also gave us options for doing touristy stuff because it could be done on days that weren't Shabbat or Yom Tov. One of my frustrations in the past has been trying to do Shabbat/Yom Tov in a place that isn't my own and doesn't contain similarly-minded people, so this timing worked well.

( sedarim )

( touristy things )

( visits and German cars )

( bad software )

( Read more... )

Kitchen switched over (except what's needed for this Shabbat): check.

Books packed for trip, including tikkun and trope book (so I can work on my upcoming portion): check.

Green card (his; I'm a citizen) successfully renewed (with days to spare!): check. Now we can cross the border with some expectation of being permitted to return.

Bar-mitzvah present for random in-law, because there's no way we're going back up there in a couple weeks: check.

Emergency stash of Diet Coke (now with lime!) to leave in the car until needed (because I suspect my in-laws under-estimate the magnitude of the problem): check.

Floppy containing installer for SSH (hope springs eternal): check.

I went to last-day-Pesach services yesterday and ended up walking home with my rabbi (who lives in basically the same direction). That was pleasant; we haven't "just talked" much, as opposed to having an appointment or a class or whatever. I'd like to do that more; it's a real pity that he's extremely allergic to cats, which means I can't just invite him over for dinner or something. Gotta remember to do that some night during Sukkot. :-)

I think I have a pretty good handle on the Torah portion now, and brought it in today to run by my co-worker. Oops; it appears she does two-day holidays; I had forgotten. Well, tomorrow, then.

We've been working our way through the second season of West Wing and saw the episode with the "Dr Laura" spoof a few nights ago. Many of the questions Bartlet asked were similar to those in Dear Dr. Laura, which has been circulating on the net for a while. I wonder if this is independent development or taking a good idea and spreading it farther. (It's hilarious; follow the link if you don't know what I'm talking about.)

I was kind of sad to realize that it was faster for me to find that with Google than by looking around on my hard drive, where I know I stashed a copy. Has the time come when it doesn't make sense to save copies of things any more? (Not unless it's widespread; you don't want to get hosed by the single source disappearing.) I was actually looking for a date stamp (I wanted to know if it was posted after the West Wing episode), but even so, Google came to the rescue. I distinctly remembered the part about the pleasing odor (but not unto the neighbors), which surely helped. But someone should market search engines for the home market, y'know? :-) (It's a joke. I used to work for a company that had that technology but never marketed it in the US.)

Apparently I'm a mutant. All my friends complain about gaining weight during Pesach; I lost two or three pounds. I am not complaining. (And this includes the 2300-calorie day that included the first seder. That's half again my average.)

Wednesday night I went to a seder hosted by friends from my congregation. Dani was too sick to go. I think I woke him up when I asked him to drive me over there; oops. (It was before sundown and I had food to contribute.) It was very pleasant, and it included several other people from my congregation who didn't have anywhere else to go, so I wasn't the odd person out at the family gathering. (The only family were the couple, her father, and their younger son, who is in college. The older son lives in California.) ( seder geeking )

Then Thursday it was off to Toronto. Fortunately, Dani was feeling much better. Crossing the border was innocuous in both directions, though the US guard looked at us funny when we said we were married. You would think that no one would be surprised by last names that don't match these days. (This was also the first time I had to show photo ID. Dani always has to show his green card, but they've never challenged me before.)

( Thursday's seder )

Talk of SARS is everywhere in Toronto, but it doesn't seem to be keeping people from going out. Friday we accompanied Debby and Tucker to a crafts show; it was smaller than last year's but well-attended. And Saturday night after Shabbat we went to see Second City (fun show), which was also well-attended. I thought our brief brush with the outskirts of Chinatown on Friday was a bad idea, but it wasn't prolonged and I think it was ok.

Saturday morning I went to Beth Tzedec (Conservative) for services. I was met at the door by a security guard who directed me to the SARS instruction sheet, which said, basically, "no kissing (not even the Torah), no handshakes, kiddush is cancelled, and don't enter this building if [list of conditions here]". We heard some horror stories from Debby (who works in a hospital) about entire congregations, workplaces, etc having to go into quarantine because of contact with one person, so I guess that makes sense, but it still surprised me a little. I mean, if I'm in the same room as someone and breathing the same air, does it really matter if I shake his hand?

( more about services )

We spent most of the time there being "on" with various family members. While visiting is preferable to being bored because everyone is off doing stuff and we can't really go anywhere, it's also wearing. I really wish there were a practical way to visit with Dani's family in smaller doses. We visit with my family several times a year, in 6-8 hour doses, which works well -- but they're local, so we can.

I also wish some of his family would come to Pittsburgh occasionally; the burden shouldn't always be on us to go there. Looking ahead, next year's seders are on Monday and Tuesday, which means there'll probably be pressure for us to come up the previous weekend. I think I'm going to lobby for driving up Monday, hitting the two seders, and leaving Wednesday. I probably won't get away with it, but I can try. (I won't give the effort four vacation days, so if we extend the trip it will be by going up Sunday.)

( random travel notes )

I learned two new euphemisms during this trip:

• "highway maintenance ahead"; yes, the sign was orange. That's putting a positive spin on construction, I'd say.
• "unprotected contact", which seems to mean being within 15 feet of someone without wearing a full-body condom. (Well, mask, gown, and gloves; they don't seem to be doing the hats and booties.)

Sunday lunch with Ralph and Lori was fun. Deanna and Eli were in town for Carnival, and Carl came, and two new people, and all of the regulars. We had 14 people in all, with a huge bowl of pasta with veggies and chicken and a truly massive strawberry-rhubarb pie. Everything was yummy and the company was good.

We had to leave a little early because we had errands to run. First up was a trip to Home Depot, where we stared at things in the plumbing aisle and tried to guess what part we needed to replace in a broken toilet. A helpful employee suggested a 99-cent part, which turned out to be right. Dani tried to pattern-match from the other two toilets in the house, but the innards of all of them are different. Meanwhile, I tried to apply logic, which only gets you so far. (My logic appears to have been correct if we were willing to set aside a part. But finishing a repair job with parts left over, other than the ones you replaced, is always a little suspicious.) Eventually we made what turned out to be a simple repair and all was fine. Yay us -- not completely repair-impaired. :-)

Then it was on to the taxes. Dani had already done most of the data entry, so this consisted of stepping through the interview in TurboTax so I could check his work and we could both see each question one more time. This caught another $1500 in deductions; I'm more anal-retentive than he is about such things. We ended up owing an acceptable amount of money, which means our withholdings are fine and we don't need to muck with them. (I don't want a tax refund; I want to owe. A refund means I made an interest-free loan to the government.)

We needed a few things from the grocery store. We had tried to stop on the way home from Home Depot, but the lot was completely full and we decided that was a bad sign. Later was much better. This is not the store I usually go to, so after picking up a bag of apples I began looking around for walnuts (which are near the produce in my regular store). Dani pointed to the rack immediately above the bags of apples, which was full of bags of walnuts. I guess the Squirrel Hill Giant Eagle knows its customer base. :-) (Apples and walnuts are the main ingredients in charoset, which is a food needed for the seder. This is, in fact, exactly why we were buying these particular ingredients.)

In around all of this was getting the kitchen ready for Pesach. In the morning I had cleared out most of the remaining chametz that wasn't going to be in closed cabinets for the week. I brought the tubs of other dishes and utensils up from the basement, but won't open them until the rest of the cleaning is done. I kashered the things I need to switch over; I think next year I will buy Pesach flatware, because this is a nuissance and you can get flatware pretty cheaply these days. I've cleaned some of the relevant surfaces; the cleaning lady is coming today to do the rest, including scrubbing the oven and stove-top. Then tonight I can finish up. (The cleaning lady will also take care of the dining room and living room. We don't bring food into other rooms, so I don't have to do anything there. And since I would never eat crumbs off my floors or out of the spaces under the stove burners, I do not feel a burning need to do more than ordinary levels of cleaning there.)

On Wednesday we drive to Toronto. First seder is at Dani's mother's apartment. The second is at Debby and Tucker's, where we're staying. (Debby is Dani's sister.) So I imagine that we'll spend a chunk of Thursday helping with cooking, which is good -- I can feel useful, as opposed to just showing up in time for the food. :-) We're supposed to bring charoset for both seders, so I guess we'll make that Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. It doesn't take long, but I don't want to try to make it at the other end lest we get held up in traffic or something.

You can still ask questions here.

( Read more... )

We are back from Toronto. (I haven't begun to catch up on my friends yet.) The trip was mostly pleasant; I always enjoy spending time with Dani's sister (Debby) and many of his other relatives. Debby is especially nice and considerate; she asked me up front about restrictions for Shabbat and Yom Tov (the holiday, Pesach day) and also about food during Pesach, and she made sure that she wasn't going to put me in any awkward positions. She even went out and bought special kosher-for-Pesach food that she wouldn't normally have bought. She remembered pretty much all of the details, which is pretty impressive for someone who is not herself observant. Extremely considerate and impressive, especially as my own husband, who lives with observance, seems unable to keep certain basics straight such as that I won't go out to a restaurant on Shabbat. (Yes, this came up while we were there. Sigh.)

The first seder was with Dani's father's family -- actually, this time, hosted by one of Dani's father's wife's kids (follow that?). Dani's father and wife are still in Florida; this is the first time they've not been in Toronto for Pesach since I started going there. The theme of this family's seder always seems to be "let's race through this and eat", which I find disappointing. (We don't even do the second half.)

The second seder was hosted by Dani's mother and was smaller (her, us, Debby's family, and two friends). Dani led the seder, though "leading" in this case is about herding cats, as we always go around the table reading the haggadah. I guess he got to pick which songs we sang. It was fun (and the aforementioned friends are neat people), though the family's home-brew haggadah leaves out a lot of parts that I probably would have inserted myself if I were leading (like all the brachot!).

I guess between the two I got one more-or-less complete seder. It's not ideal, but shalom bayit and all that...

The people from the first seder usually go off to watch hockey playoffs after dinner, but this year it's too early for that. They taped "West Wing" and we were there when the people still remaining decided to watch the show. I had never seen it before, but it was good! Cleverly written, and fun. I'll have to check it out. (I'd heard of the show, but somehow had the idea that it was a medical show -- west wing of a hospital. It's actually about the (ficticious) president of the US and his staff.)

Friday Debby wanted to go to a crafts festival, and I don't accept the second day of holidays [1], so we went along. Saw some neat stuff, though I didn't buy anything. I almost bought a very nifty stained-glass nightlight for the bathroom, and if I had remembered in time that Canadian dollars are much smaller than US dollars I actually would have bought it, but I spaced on the price and thought it was too high. Oh well.

Saturday night after Shabbat we went to see a new play called "Belle", about two ex-slaves in the Reconstructionist era. It was very episodic and somewhat lacking an overall plot. Debby and Tucker (who go to a lot of new plays) said that's the trend these days. I don't care for it, personally.

[1] One-day holidays are extended to two days outside of Israel because of calendar uncertainty. I hold (as do pretty much all Reform and many Conservative Jews) that now, in the 21st century when we know precisely when the new moon is, we do not have this uncertainty and thus do not need the extra day.